


(I'm Only) One Call Away

by arifan07



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-05-15 02:44:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 47,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5768344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arifan07/pseuds/arifan07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake Griffin is dead. In order to deal with her grief, and general life problems, Clarke calls his phone and leaves voice messages. One day she calls and someone answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nov. 6, 2016  
Hey, Dad. I’m not sure what to say or why I’m even doing this. Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice again. I miss you.

Nov. 9, 2016  
Hi Dad, it’s me. It’s been four days since you…. It’s been four days and I think I’m losing my mind. She keeps trying to talk to me but I can’t talk to her. I can’t. I know it’s not what you would want but I can’t do it, Dad. It’s her fault. It’s all her fault and I hate her for it. Don’t be mad at me, Dad. I – I just – I can’t handle any of this.

Nov. 15, 2016  
Hey, Dad. Raven and Octavia tried to talk me today. I didn’t let them in though. They said they hadn’t seen me in a week and a half – has it really been that long? I miss you more and more every single day. I thought I felt pain after Finn but that’s nothing compared to this. The blood – the pain – it’s coming from everywhere. Everything hurts Dad and I don’t know how to make it stop. I need you to make it stop.

Nov. 19, 2016  
Why did she have to be so forgetful? Why did you have to say yes?

Nov. 22, 2016  
You wouldn’t be proud of me, Dad. I haven’t spoken to her in over two weeks. I don’t think I can ever talk to her again. I went to class today. I think Octavia emailed my professors telling them what happened. But I went to class and got these stupid sympathetic looks from my professors. I hate it. Raven got me to have lunch with her and Bellamy today and he had the same look in his eyes. I don’t need any sympathy from them – I just need you back.

Nov. 24, 2016  
I didn’t know if I was going to call today because what do I have to be happy or thankful for? You’re not here and we’re…we’re burying you in two days. I didn’t go home for the holiday so Raven and Octavia stayed with me. We’re all going to the funeral together. I won’t even be able to see you one last time. God, I’m going to start crying again – like I ever really stopped. It’s just so much, Dad. Would you be mad at me if I didn’t come?

Nov. 26, 2016  
Well that’s it, isn’t it? Three weeks. Whoever said time heals wounds deserves to be shot, see how well time heals that. She tried to talk to me today – at the funeral. I walked away; I didn’t want to cause a scene not there…not today. My midterms that I missed are due in the coming week. I haven’t done anything though. I can’t concentrate enough to get anything done. You’d always know what to do. “Close your eyes, Clarkey. Take deep breaths and go to your happy place.” It was always that time I was six when we went fishing for the first time and I fell into the lake and you grabbed me while I was wet and crying and held me close to you. Right then I knew you’d always be there when I fell. But you’re not here this time and I’ve never fallen this hard before. I need you, Dad. Please come back.

Nov. 27, 2016  
I painted today. It was…nice to get some of what I was feeling out. I think I’ll keep it and submit it as my final project. I’m going to spend the night with Raven and Octavia. O wanted to go to a small party at Bell’s frat but I asked if we could have a quiet night instead. I think it was a sympathetic agreement but that’s fine. I’m trying, Dad. Trying to get back to a better place but every night before I fall asleep I see your face or hear your laugh and I’m right back to that night that she called me and told me. I thought I was getting better, Dad. Stronger. I’m not but I’m trying. For you.

Dec. 1, 2016  
I answered her call. I didn’t say anything but I answered. That’s an improvement, right? She kept going on and on about how she knows that I blame her and that she blames herself too and that she’s sorry. I silenced the mic and cried. She’s so broken, Dad. She’s alone and we left her. I left her. But I can’t forgive her just yet. I’m sorry.

Dec. 7, 2016  
Sorry that I haven’t called in a while Dad; it’s reading week and I’ve been swamped. It’s been more than a month and I wanted to let you know that I love you and I still miss you.

Dec. 11, 2016  
Exhausted after two back-to-back exams Clarke flops onto her bed and fishes her phone from her back pocket. She dials the number that in ingrained in her head and closes her eyes as it rings as it always does before the familiar voice recording begins. It has been a while since she has done this and she feels the guilt creep up on her as she thinks back to the last time she called. She runs her hand through her hair and takes a breath as she prepares to talk to her father about her day and her week. A smile graces her lips as she gets ready to hear his voice.

“Hello?” Her smile falls.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke sits up, shocked to hear another voice at the end of the line. She debates whether to end the call now and cry herself to sleep or to press on with the unexpected conversation. “Hello?” the voice asks again.

“Um, hi,” Clarke manages. “Hi, uh I’m sorry. I – I didn’t know the number was reassigned. I’m sorry,” the blonde rambles.

“Okay?” the person on the other end responds.

Clarke barely recognizes the given answer, “My dad used to have this number but he – he died and I’ve been calling it ever since just to hear his voice and talk to him. I haven’t done in the past week and a half or so. I’m sorry, you didn’t need to know any of that.”

“It’s okay.” Both voices were silent for a moment. “You know if you want to keep calling to talk to him you can. I could answer and just put the phone aside and you could hang up when you’re finished.”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t even know you and that would just be too much to ask of you,” Clarke answered. She stood up and paced around her room unsure of what else to do.

“You’re not asking; I’m offering,” the stranger replied. “It’s totally fine by me.”

Clarke stopped her pacing, _This is weird, right?_ She sighed, “I guess that would be okay. But don’t listen in on my conversations, okay?”

The stranger chuckled, “I won’t. Scout’s honor.”

Clarke smiled, “You were a scout?”

The person on the other end sounded sheepish, “No.”

Clarke laughed. Actually laughed, “Well then that doesn’t count then, does it?”

“Hm, I guess not. But I promise I won’t listen in on your conversations with your dad – um?”

“Clarke. I’m Clarke,” the blonde answered sitting on her bed again.

“Nice to meet you Clarke. I’m Lexa,” the voice offered and Clarke smiled at the way her name rolled off Lexa’s tongue. “Yeah, so I won’t be a creep and listen in on your heart-to-hearts.”

“This is weird and it’ll probably always be weird but thank you so much, Lexa. How can I repay you?” Clarke started.

“Don’t worry about it, Clarke. It’s my pleasure to help in any way I can,” Lexa responded sincerely.

“I can pay your phone bill.”

“Clarke, no.”

“How ‘bout I buy you coffee then. One for every time I call and annoy you. I can send it where you work or where you live,” Clarke offered. “Please say yes, Lexa.”

“That’s an offer I can live with,” Lexa replied after a moment. Clarke sighed a breath of relief, _Yeah, this is weird._ “One sugar and one cream, please. I’ll text you the morning after to let you know where I’ll be?”

Clarke grinned, “Sounds like a plan.” Clarke heard Raven shout her name and sighed again, “I’ve got to go now but thank you again, Lexa.”

“You’re welcome, Clarke. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” With that both women ended their calls. Clarke with a small smile on her face left her room to find Raven and the source of the brunette’s problem.

* * *

It was three days before Clarke called her father’s number again, mainly out of fear that she would actually annoy Lexa with her call but she could not help it tonight. She sat huddled in a corner of her room with her knees to her chest and tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Her chest hurt when she heard Lexa’s “Hi” instead of her father’s voice and she released a sob. Lexa did not try to calm her down she quietly told the blonde that she would be muting the phone to let her have her privacy. And Clarke cried.

“Dad, I miss you. I don’t know if I can go home for three weeks without you being there. Who’s gonna watch stupid Christmas movies with me and talk about how improbable and illogical they all are – barring ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ of course. That’s still the best Christmas movie to date,” she gave a watery chuckle. “It’s not going to be the same without you, Dad. There isn’t going to be anyone there to wake up before the crack of dawn to make a snowman and then try to convince me that Santa had some extra time and so he made a snowman just for me. It was our holiday, Dad and I can’t celebrate it without you.” Clarke sighed and pulled her knees closer to her. Quietly she added, “I still haven’t spoken to her. I feel terrible about it. I’m leaving here on Friday and I still don’t know if I can forgive her. I don’t know if she deserves it. Yeah, I know what you’d say ‘Forgiveness isn’t about what people deserve, Clarke’ and I know you’re right – deep down I do – I’m just not ready yet.” She sat quietly on the line for a few minutes before sighing, “I’ve got to go, Dad. Bye. I love you.” And even though she was almost certain Lexa was not listening she whispered, “Goodnight, Lexa.”

Clarke leaned her head against the wall and sent off a message to Octavia who knocked on her door thirty seconds later.

She looked around the room and spotted Clarke in the corner before coming to sit cross-legged in front of the blonde, “What’s up?”

“I can’t go home,” Clarke whispered and Octavia nodded. “Can I stay with you guys for the break? Even part of it?”

Octavia scooted closer to her friend, “Of course, Clarke. You know there’s always space for you with us.”

“You’re not going to ask your mom?”

Octavia waved her hand, “You know she’ll just say yes. I swear she loves you more than she loves me and Bell – definitely more than she loves Bell at least.” That drew a smile out of the little blonde ball. “Have you eaten today?” Clarke nodded. Octavia narrowed her eyes, “What?”

“An apple,” Clarke said as she hid her face in her knees.

“One single, solitary apple?” Octavia looked at her watch, “Clarke! It’s almost eleven and you’ve only had an apple all day?”

“I wasn’t hungry,” Clarke mumbled. The brunette grabbed her hand and pulled Clarke up with her, “Octavia!”

“No. Let’s go.” Clarke let herself be dragged out of the room. “Raven!” Octavia shouted, “Raven, get in here.”

Their roommate walked out of her room with a bag of Doritos in her hand, “What?” Octavia stalked over to her and grabbed the blue bag out of the other girl’s hand and shoved it into Clarke’s, “Hey!”

Octavia glared at Clarke, “Eat.” When Clarke did as she was told she turned back to Raven, “It’s almost eleven and she’s only had one apple to eat all day so be quiet and go get something else to eat you bottomless pit.” Raven mumbled and brushed past Octavia who turned back to Clarke, “I’m going to get you a pizza.” She held up her finger at the blonde’s protests.

“Pizza? You’re getting us pizza?” Raven popped her head out of the small kitchen area.

Octavia shook her head, “I’m getting _Clarke_ pizza, not you. If you want pizza you can get it with your own money.”

“But I don’t have any money,” Raven whined and threw herself down into the couch that Clarke had come to occupy.

Octavia sighed, “Fine. I’ll get you pizza too. But I expect foot rubs from you for the next three days.” Raven pretended to gag but agreed.

Clarke spoke for the first time during the encounter looking between the two brunettes, “Are you guys still sleeping together?”

“No!” Octavia shouted. “That was a one time thing.”

Raven snorted, “More like a six time thing.” It was Clarke’s turn to pretend to gag at the thought.

Octavia glared at them, “I’m not getting pizza for either of you.”

“O! Come on. We’re sorry. I’m sorry. You know you were a great lay. Definitely top five,” Raven pleaded with her friend.

“Top five?” Octavia raised a brow.

“Top three?” the other brunette offered while Clarke laughed by her side.

Octavia turned and stalked away to her room while her roommates protested, “Calm down you little shits! I’m going to get my phone.”

Thirty minutes later they sat watching Jimmy Fallon while trying not to burn their mouths with pizza.

Clarke did not remember falling asleep or even making her way to bedroom but she woke up to light streaming through her bedroom window. She checked her phone to see it was just after nine as the night came back to her she frowned at the absence of a promised message from the girl who had her father’s number. She unlocked her phone and sent a message to the number.

9:07am: Hey, I thought we had an agreement about you texting me about coffee when I annoyed you.

She ignored the messages above, the last of which was a ‘see you soon’ from her father, and climbed out of bed to head to the bathroom. On her return she found two messages in response.

9:11am: You didn’t annoy me, Clarke.  
9:11am: And I already have coffee. I’m currently sitting in a coffee shop trying to study for my Economics exam tomorrow.

Clarke smiled and tilted her head. _Oh, she’s a student._

9:18am: *pouts* we had a deal, Lexa. You can’t just go back on the agreement.  
And econ, wow. Color me impressed.  
9:20am: I’m not going back on the agreement, Clarke. I just needed coffee before 9 in the morning. I promise I’ll message you another time.  
Honestly, it’s not that impressive. It’s just math and more math. I hate my major. No I don’t. I hate finals.  
9:21am: I’ll hold you to that.  
Don’t we all. Art History major here. I have papers and paintings/sketches to submit. So far I’m halfway through my second paper and I haven’t started my sketch. It’s going to be a long rest of the week. I won’t call tonight so you can study and sleep for tomorrow.  
9:22am: Art History? I’m the one who should be impressed. I couldn’t draw a stick figure to save my life. Good luck on your paper and sketch by the way.  
You should call if you need to, Clarke.  
9:23am: Don’t sell yourself short, Lexa. Thanks and good luck with econ.  
Hopefully today will be a good day and I won’t need to.  
9:24am: I hope today is a good day too.  
9:24am: Bye Lexa.  
9:24am: Bye, Clarke.

It was a good day and that made it easier for Clarke to keep her promise to Lexa. The next morning she sent a good luck text to the other girl and got her sketch done. She did not call until late that night when she remembered she would be going home the next day. Lexa answered and muted the phone again, letting Clarke talk to her father. The next morning Clarke woke up to a text that informed her of Lexa’s location and with a smile she ordered the other woman’s coffee.

* * *

In Octavia and Bellamy’s insistence on doing something every day the next three weeks were somewhat of a blur for Clarke. She had seen her mother four, maybe five, times and each time they exchanged the obligatory pleasantries with the younger blonde letting the woman know that she was only there for clothes and that she would be back at the Blake’s.

After a long and exhausting Christmas Eve buying last minute gifts with the siblings Clarke collapsed on the bed in the guestroom. She realized she was having fun and that made her heart ache. She was not supposed to be having fun. Her father was not there and it was their holiday. She let a tear slip as she heard her phone vibrating on the nightstand. She reached over and answered the call without checking. When she heard nothing but sniffles she checked to see who had called her and saw ‘Dad’.

She wiped her eyes and sat up, “Lexa?”

“Clarke, I’m sorry,” the girl said through more sniffles. “Anya’s out of the country visiting her family in Nepal and…and I didn’t know who else to call. I don’t have many friends and this is stupid I shouldn’t have called you.”

Clarke ran her hand through her hair and winced when pulled at a knot, “Hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

Clarke listened as Lexa exhaled a shaky breath, “My parents.” A second passed, “I hate coming home. It’s just one insult after the next and I can’t stand it anymore. If it’s not, ‘Why do you wear your hair like that, Alexandria? It’s so unkempt and far from presentable.’ It’s, ‘I don’t know why we sent you to that school with all its liberal propaganda.’ Or my favorite, ‘You let that girl lead you away from God. You best pray for forgiveness, Alexandria.’” Lexa took another breath and said quietly, “My parents, they’re conservatives – in the Republican way – from Florida and they don’t agree with how I live my life.”

“Did they vote for Trump?” Clarke asked hoping to lighten the mood.

Lexa chuckled and Clarke smiled, “No. They’re not stupid just…Republicans.”

“Well that’s a plus,” Clarke added playing with a loose thread on the blanket on the bed.

“Yeah, I guess. I just dread coming home because I know they’re going to bring up how disappointed they are in me. There are three things that are certain in life, Clarke. Death, taxes, and Daniel and Patricia Wood’s disappointment in their daughter, I can guarantee that,” despite the rasp in her voice from crying Lexa sounded convincing.

Clarke was unsure of how to deal with Lexa’s situation. All her life her parents had been supportive of the decisions she made but she tried anyways. “Lexa, can I curse?”

“Yes?” Lexa answered tentatively.

Clarke nodded, “Good. Okay. I don’t know you very well but from what I do know about you I’m certain that you’re kind, caring, compassionate, and you’re bloody brilliant and if that disappoints your parents well then fuck them. They don’t deserve you. I realize that that’s easier said than done but I promise you one day you’ll find someone who sees all that about you and so much more. Someone who will love you for you and who realizes that nothing you do could disappoint them. Until you find that person, you’ve got a friend in me and you could never disappoint me, Lexa Woods.”

The other girl chuckled again, “Did you just quote Toy Story?”

“I sure did,” Clarke smiled.

Lexa was silent for a while, “Thank you, Clarke. I don’t usually cry – I honestly don’t remember the last time I cried. Thank you. You didn’t have to do any of this – “

“Lexa, be quiet. You’ve been there for me for the past couple weeks, yeah we don’t speak when I call but you answer every single time and you indulge me so this is the least I could do for you,” Clarke responded honestly. “You can call me whenever you need to talk. No questions asked. I’ll listen and if you need advice, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Clarke,” Clarke hummed her response. “I was worried about how I’d manage until I got back to Polis with Anya gone.”

“Looks like I fell from the sky right on time then.” Clarke responded.

“Are you calling yourself an angel, Clarke?”

“I didn’t say it, you did, Woods,” Lexa laughed. “You go to Polis?” Clarke asked. When Lexa answerd in the affirmative she added, “Cool. I go to Arkadia.”

“Oh wow! That’s less fifteen minutes from Polis,” Lexa responded.

“We should hang out sometime,” Clarke offered hoping the other girl would say yes. When she did Clarke’s smile grew impossibly wider. “When do you get back?”

“I’m leaving on Wednesday; classes start the Wednesday after and I like to be there a week in advance,” Lexa replied.

Clarke realized that meant Lexa would not be home for New Year’s but decided not to bring it up, “Cool. My classes start on the ninth so Bell, Octavia and I will probably be back on the sixth or the seventh.”

“Okay.” Lexa paused, “Are those the friends you’re staying with?” Clarke told her yes. “How is it so far?”

The blonde sighed, “It’s been good. We’ve done something all day every day since I’ve been here and I’m sure it’s the Blake’s way of keeping me distracted but so far it’s working. I should be helping O wrap gifts in a little bit but yeah. The distraction is nice.”

She heard Lexa hum before she asked, “You mentioned once that you haven’t spoken to your mother since…you know. Have you as yet?”

Clarke closed her eyes and rubbed her temple, “No.” She hoped the other girl would drop this line of questioning.

She did. A beat passed between them before, “I’m happy you’re having a good time, Clarke.” There it was again, the way Lexa said her name that made her smile.

“Thanks, Lexa.”

“You’re welcome. I’m going to let you go now,” Lexa said. “You have gifts to wrap. Happy holidays, Clarke.”

“Happy holidays, Lexa,” Clarke responded. “And I meant it, call me if you need anything,” she added.

“You too, Clarke. Goodnight,” with the exchange of goodbyes both girls ended the call.

Clarke dropped her phone on the bed beside her before picking it up again. She went into her contact list and scrolled to ‘Dad’ she gave a sad smile as she edited the contact and saved the change as ‘Lexa Woods’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thank you to those of you who stuck with this story so far and an extra thank you to those of you who left kudos and comments. They mean a lot and you guys are great.
> 
> As before, I'm on tumblr at lastlogic.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Jan. 12, 2017**

“Clarke, would you stop texting and pay attention the goddamn movie?” Raven growled as Clarke’s phone vibrated yet again.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” the blonde said as she smiled at her phone.

Octavia tried to look over her shoulder, “Who are you texting anyways?”

“No one,” Clarke lied pulling her phone away from Octavia’s eyes.

“If ‘no one’ makes you smile like that I’d like to see what you look like when it actually is someone,” Raven said pointedly while fishing the remote from between her and Octavia’s thighs in order to turn the volume up.

Octavia nooded and grabbed the remote from Raven’s hand. “Oh my god, Clarke Griffin! Who is it?” Octavia begged as she paused the movie to Raven’s annoyance.

“I told you, no one,” Clarke said again trying to shift away from her overly excited friend. She rolled her eyes at the pleading look Octavia was giving her and the ‘sure’ that came from Raven, “Fine. Just a girl I met by accident last year. We’re gonna meet up to get coffee tomorrow.”

“And by coffee do you mean…?” Raven asked gyrating her hips.

“No, I mean coffee. Lexa’s just a friend and she knows a supposedly really great coffee place near Polis U that she says I should try,” Clarke answered looking at her phone and then at her friends. “What?” she asked at the look Octavia was giving her.

“Lexa? Polis U? Clarke, what’s Lexa’s last name?” Octavia asked tilting her head to the side slightly.

“Woods,” Octavia’s eyes grew comically wider and Clarke was sure she went deaf at the scream the girl let out beside her.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god,” the small brunette chanted as she slapped Clarke’s arm.

“What? What is it?” Clarke asked as Raven tried to pull one friend off the other.

“Do you know have any idea who Lexa Woods is?” Octavia asked when she had calmed down, the huge grin never leaving her face.

“Um, no,” Clarke responded.

Octavia jumped up from the couch and Clarke looked over at Raven who shrugged. Octavia grabbed the laptop that was sitting on the coffee table and typed something into Google. She clicked a video, maximized the screen and set it on the table in front of the three girls. She pointed to the screen, “That’s Lexa Woods.”

Clarke did not know what to expect but it definitely was not a rugby video that focused on one player. She watched as the girl in the video made tackle after tackle, pulling down girls twice her size. Beside her Octavia squealed with each tackle that was made. The brunette’s most excited squeal came when the girl in the video – _Lexa_ , Clarke had to remind herself – took down a girl who was charging at her and she stood up smirking with blood on her face. The video transitioned and showed Lexa with the ball, sidestepping her opponents and pushing them out of the way as she made her way towards the tryline. Octavia grabbed Clarke’s arm as Lexa dived into the zone, the ball securely in her crook of her arm.

The video showed more of Lexa’s quick feet and her tries. When it ended a quiet ‘damn’ came from Raven.

Octavia nodded, “That’s Lexa Woods, Clarke. _The_ Commander. She’s all but ready to go pro.” She stared at the video in awe, “I’ve had orgasms to that video.” Octavia ignored the ‘ew’s’ that come from Raven’s side of the couch and turned to Clarke, “When you meet her tomorrow tell her that I love her and that I’m ready to have her babies.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “I will do no such thing.”

Raven had grabbed the computer and was looking at pictures of Lexa and shouted, “Yo, she’s hot!” She turned the computer towards Clarke and Octavia. Raven was right. The picture was one of Lexa standing in a circle with her teammates, the end of her mouth guard between her teeth as she pays attention to another woman, sweat plastering loose strands of her braided hair to her face, her arms folded across her chest and her shorts slung low across her hips making her torso look extremely long. But what Clarke focused on was the intensity that her green eyes held. Lexa was small, she saw that in the video and in the picture, but her eyes let you know that she was not to be taken lightly. Clarke liked it.

“Ugh, marry me,” Octavia moaned at the picture. Clarke’s phone vibrated again and Octavia turned all her attention towards the blonde, “Is that her?” It was Lexa and Clarke smiled again, “It is! Tell her that I’m right here waiting for her. Tell her, Clarke.”

The blonde rolled her eyes and responded to the message, conveniently leaving out Octavia’s request. “Look, Lexa has been there for me for the past couple weeks and I’d like to keep it casual and not weird,” she pointedly glared at Octavia.

Raven nodded, “How’d you two meet?”

Clarke blushed, “After my dad died I would call his phone to hear his voice and leave him messages about my day and what how I was feeling. It was easier to talk to an answering machine than to talk to another person. One day during finals week I called and Lexa answered and she let me call and ‘talk to my Dad’ when I need it. One day over break she called me and we talked and it just went from there. We’ve been texting since just before we went off from break and I don’t know it just is what it is,” Clarke ended with a small smile.

“Wow, that’s…wow. Is it helping?” Octavia asked.

Clarke nodded, “Yeah I think so. I kinda stopped ‘talking to my Dad’ and just talk to Lexa now – I try to write down the things I’d say to him but I’m not very consistent.” Clarke furrowed her brows, “I don’t know, I feel more comfortable talking to nothingness and a stranger about my problems – it’s like a blank slate, you know?” She saw her friends nod and continued, “It’s like she doesn’t know me well enough to expect anything from me and honestly, it’s just so easy to talk to her.” She looked back at the picture on the screen and gestured towards it, “I don’t know her as that – as The Commander – she’s just Lexa and although it’s great to put a face to the name I think the reason that I haven’t Facebook stalked her is because I want her to be just Lexa.” Clarke toyed with the phone in her hand, “Meeting her tomorrow is huge because isn’t just Lexa Woods, the girl who got my Dad’s number, she becomes…I don’t know…real? It sounds stupid but I don’t know how else to put it,” she put her phone down on the arm of the couch as it vibrated again.

Raven and Octavia nodded solemnly beside her. “I get it. I mean, it’s like how I met you guys right…only I was wasted. Sometimes it’s just easier talking to someone you don’t know,” Octavia said. “And it’s not stupid, Clarke…it’s kinda cute actually,” she ended with a smirk. She reached over and placed her hand on top of Clarke’s, “Have fun tomorrow, okay? Don’t let me, or this, or your nerves mess this up for you. I haven’t seen you smile in a _long_ time and this – this thing you have with Lexa – is good for you.”

“Pocahontas is right,” Raven added. “You deserve to be happy, Clarke. I’m happy for you.” When Clarke smiled her thanks she asked, “Now can we finish watching the movie?”

* * *

Clarke woke with a start, sweat hanging to her forehead and pooling on her chest. This was the second time she woke up like this tonight alone. Her first nightmare was a reimagining of what happened to her father. She stood on the side of an empty road, the darkness stretching around her only to be broken by two lights making their way towards her accompanied by the sound of an engine. She watched as the vehicle swerved from lane to lane, eventually straightening out again. She breathed a sigh of relief as the car zipped past her, only to watch as the silver Mercedes drifted off towards the shoulder and through the thicket of trees that lined the road. Her eyes fixed on the figure that pried the door open, stumbled out of the smoking car, and fell to his knees. His eyes met hers and he smiled as the smoke became fire and the vehicle exploded. Clarke screamed and ran towards him but could only watch helplessly as the flames burned her father alive, the smile never leaving his face.

This last nightmare was not any better. She was sitting on the couch watching a football game with her father, he was a die-hard Manchester City supporter and was watching in horror as his team conceded another goal to Clarke’s Manchester United making the score two to zero with only five minutes of regular time remaining.

 “What’s that you were saying about momentum, Dad?” she bumped him with her shoulder and he mumbled under his breath. She laughed.

 “Clarke leave your father alone,” Abby scolded her daughter moving from the kitchen into the family room, dropping a kiss on both heads from behind.

“Only because I actually want that seventy bucks,” she smiled cheekily and turned back to the television.

She turned back towards her parents when she felt something liquid splash onto her. Her mother stood behind her father and poured a colourless liquid all over the man who did not seem to register what was happening. She could only watch as her mother lit a match and threw it on her father immediately dousing him in flames. Jake turned to look at Clarke and his wife and smiled.

Abby wrapped her arms around the young girl and pulled her over the couch, “Come here, Clarke. Everything will be okay.”

She watched as her father’s bodies burned and only screamed when she felt pain radiating from her biceps. She tore her eyes away from the burning man and looked down at her arm. Red. Blood. It was everywhere. She looked up at her mother who smiled at her, the knife with Clarke’s blood clutched tightly in her hand. Abby’s hand fell to Clarke’s body again and again spraying her daughter’s blood everywhere. When she was finished the older woman let her fall to the ground, looked at her husband and daughter and walked out the door. As soon as she was completely out the fire from Jake’s body spread and Clarke watched as her father, her home, her life, and she herself were burned to the ground.

Clarke felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and wiped her them, grateful to not see red when she pulled her arms back to look at them. She sat in bed and stared at the blank space on the wall directly opposite from her – the space where a drawing of her family once sat. She took it down the day after the accident; she could not bear to look at her father’s face and even worse her mother’s. She was pulled out of her reverie by the vibrations of her phone on the nightstand. She brought it into her line of sight, blinking rapidly at the brightness of the screen, to see a message from Lexa.

6:32am: I’m really looking forward to our meeting. Remember, Grounders at 9.

Clarke sat staring absently at the message. She considered telling Lexa that she had to cancel. _She’d understand._ Instead she responded with,

6:35am: Yeah me too. I’ll be there.

She cursed herself as she re-read her promise. The urge to stay in bed and ignore the world was strong and was one that she _really_ wanted to give in to. She sighed, threw her phone across the bed and reached underneath it to pull out the book and pen she had hidden under there.

_Jan. 13, 2017 6:37am_

_Hi Dad,_

_I just woke up from another nightmare – two actually – the first was the accident, I watched you die and the second (it was so much worse) we were watching a football game, a Derby match, the one where you bet me $70 that Man City would beat Man U actually, and she came in and poured something all over you and set you and fire and she cut me so many times and burned the house down. It was so much worse than I could ever describe, Dad. The fire. The blood. It was like a damn Game of Thrones episode. That dream ruined one of my favorite memories of you. ~~I hate her for that~~. I hate myself for that. It’s been two months without you, Dad. I don’t know how long I can hold on for. Does the pain fade? Should I want it to fade? Is that mean of me? Selfish?_

_I’m sorry if I let you down._

Clarke quickly closed the book with the pen still inside and threw it underneath the bed again. She slumped down in bed, willing the tears not to fall and cursing them as they did anyways.

As the tears on her cheeks dried Clarke fell asleep again only to be woken from her dreamless state by pounding on her door.

“Clarke!” Raven’s voice came through the closed door.

The blonde pulled her blanket over her head, “What?”

Raven’s head popped through the door, “Clarke, have you seen my brace?”

“No,” she mumbled.

“I need it. O has practice in twenty and wants me to walk her over,” Raven walked in and moved around Clarke’s room looking for her brace.

Clarke pulled her blanket down, turned around and sat up, “It’s not in here, Rae. Why would it be in here?”

“It has to be around here somewhere,” Raven said going through a pile of Clarke’s clothes.

“Raven go check under the couch or the table. That’s where you spent the last two damn days,” Clarke spat.

Raven stood up straight and looked at her, “What’s up your ass, Princess?”

“Shut up, Raven and go find your damn brace,” Clarke glared at her roommate.

Raven, with her jaw set, eyed her for a few seconds before walking out of the room. Clarke heard her shout, “Princess is a bitch today!” before her door slammed shut.

Clarke rolled her eyes and reached across the bed to grab her phone seeing that it was just after eight. If she wanted to be on time for her meeting with Lexa she had to get up. _Now._ She threw the covers off herself, grabbed her towel and the outfit she had chosen the night before before heading to the bathroom ignoring the looks from the two brunettes. She heard the door close as she turned the shower off and breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of being alone for at least the next thirty minutes.

Stepping out of the shower, she caught her reflection in the mirror. There was no doubt about it; she had lost weight in the past two months. As she stepped closer to her reflection she saw how bloodshot and sunken her eyes were, her cheeks were emaciated, and her lips cracked. Admittedly she looked like hell but it was nothing that makeup has not fixed over the past two months. She got dressed and did her makeup quickly leaving the apartment with fifteen minutes to spare. _Way to cut it close, Griffin._ She sent a quick message to Lexa before driving to the coffee shop. She sat in her car for another three minutes before making her way across the parking lot and through the doors of the small building.

Stepping inside she stomped off the snow that was sticking to her boots drawing a few eyes towards her. Her eyes scanned the room searching for her not so strange stranger. She spotted her reading a book in exactly the same place Lexa said she would be, at a small round table by the window, an empty chair on the other side.

Clarke shrugged off her coat as she walked over and draped it on the empty chair plastering a smile on her face when she realized the other girl did not notice her presence. She moved the chair as quietly as possible and slid into it. Lexa was still yet to look up.

Clarke looked out the window at the people walking by huddled to keep the cold off. “You know,” she turned around to face Lexa and saw the other girl jump and her eyes bulge, “I thought I’d be the one holding your attention today, Lexa.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said regaining her composure as she closed the book in her hands and placed it into her bag. She placed her hands in her lap and gave a small smile, “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise. So what you reading?” Clarke asked gesturing to Lexa’s bag that sat on the ground.

“Just some reading for a class I’m taking this semester,” Lexa responded waving her hand nonchalantly.

“Econ is that interesting?”

Lexa pushed her hair out of her face and laughed. _Damn._ “I’m taking an English class on Poe’s poems. Believe it or not it’s called Poe-try. Hypen between ‘poe’ and ‘try’.”

Clarke laughed, “That pun’s so corny it’s funny.”

 Lexa shook her head, “No, it’s just corny. We should get something to drink.”

 They stood in line making light conversation as they waited on their orders. Clarke followed Lexa back to her table studying the brunette from behind. She was conservative – _not in the Republican way_ – everything about her was precise; her outfit, her walk, the way she held herself. The only thing that fell on the chaotic side was the mess of long curly brown hair that sat atop her head.

 Lexa sat and smiled as Clarke took her seat again. “How are you, Clarke? You’ve only called once in the past two weeks.”

 The blonde shrugged, “I’m okay. A couple weeks ago I decided to write down my thoughts and the things I want to say to him instead of calling. Sometimes it works better than other others.”

 Lexa’s eyes found hers, “What do you mean?”

 In an effort to avoid those same piercing green eyes she saw on Octavia’s laptop and that she had liked she looked outside the window, “Sometimes I write and it feels like a burden is lifted other times I’m not so lucky.” She dared to glance over at the other woman and had to look away, the full force of Lexa’s intensity still trained on her, “Like this morning. I had nightmares last night and I decided to write when I woke up from the last one. I fell asleep again after but when I woke up again I felt like shit.” Her shoulders slumped, “Can I ask you something?” Lexa nodded once, “Is it selfish to want the pain to fade? He’s dead and all I can think about is my own pain.”

 Lexa turned to look outside and then faced Clarke again, “I don’t think it’s selfish and I don’t think anyone… I don’t think _he_ would blame you for wanting to feel better, Clarke.” The blonde smiled her thank you before taking a sip of her coffee. “I’ve never lost someone in the way you have, Clarke but I have lost people in other ways.” Clarke watched as Lexa’s brows furrowed and the corners of her lips pulled down for a millisecond. She glanced out the window and when her gaze returned to Clarke she was as unaffected as ever, “I loved this girl once, since junior year of high school actually, her name was Costia. She was everything to me, especially after I came out to my parents. We chose to come to Polis together to get away from it all. It was supposed to be the two of us against the world. We were young – stupid – and in love.” Lexa played with the stirrer in her coffee, “We got here and everything was great, at least for the first semester, but then she pulled away. After a while it was just us talking because we felt obligated to.” Clarke watched as sadness seeped into Lexa’s eyes. “After the second semester she told me that she wasn’t coming back to Polis. She had transferred to a school back in Florida. We tried to keep it up but I’m sure we both knew that it wasn’t going to work. I went home that Thanksgiving and we slept together the last night I was there. When I stepped off the plane back here I had a message from her waiting, she had found someone else and she was sorry for hurting me.” Lexa looked away and Clarke was sure there were tears in her eyes. “I haven’t spoken to her since and I knew it was coming but that didn’t lessen the pain I felt about it. It hurt for months. I was a mess. That’s when I met Anya, she helped me through it. Now,” she forced a smile, “now it doesn’t hurt.”

 Clarke looked down at the slice of cake in front her, “How did you get it to stop?”

“Between my parents and Costia I came to realize that love is weakness – that caring about people only leads to heartbreak,” Lexa answered her fingers tapping against her cup.

“So you stopped caring about everyone?” Lexa nodded. Clarke shook her head slightly before adding, “That’s not true.”

 “Excuse me?”

 “Not everyone.” Lexa raised a brow and Clarke smiled, “Not me.” Seconds pass where they simply look at each other – each girl studying the one before her – Lexa opened her mouth to respond but closed it and settled on a curt nod, a smile pulling at her lips. “I’m sorry about Costia,” Lexa’s only response was a sad smile.

 The two girls sat in silence sipping their drinks and watching people walk past them.

 “I wanted to go over to your campus and do some sketches, I was wondering if you could suggest somewhere for me to go,” Clarke added after emptying her coffee cup.

 Lexa thought for a few seconds, “Depends. What do you want to draw, people, nature, or still-life?”

 “Right now anything.”

 Lexa nodded, “I think I know somewhere that you’d like.” She looked at the clock on the other side of the room and turned back to the blonde, “I could show you where it is.”

 Clarke gave her a wide smile, “Great. Let’s go. I drove so I‘ll just follow you back to Polis.”

 “I didn’t drive actually. I don’t live too far from here so I walked over,” Lexa answered folding her arms on the table and leaning forward.

 “Alright, let’s go! I call shotgun, though,” Clarke said as she stood up and threw her cup away.

 “What? You can’t call shotgun until the vehicle is in sight,” Lexa responded from behind her.

 Clarke turned towards the door she had entered through earlier and pointed through the pane of glass that was placed within the wood, “The vehicle _is_ in sight, Woods. So yeah, shotgun.”

 Lexa pouted, _Holy crap_ , “Well that’s unfair considering I didn’t know what you drive. Plus, why am I driving? How do you even know that I can drive?” The girls walked towards the door after Lexa slung her bag over her shoulder.

 Clarke held the door open for the brunette, “You told me that you were driving your little cousins around when I called you once. And I saw your licence, Alexandria Jasmin.”

 Lexa whipped around, one of the braids in her hair almost slapping Clarke across the face, and glared at her, “Clarke.”

 “Come on, Lexa, you know I’d never call you by it. I know you hate it,” the blonde said unlocking the car and tossing the keys to Lexa.

 The brunette narrowed her eyes at the other girl’s smile and watched as her head ducked out of view. Lexa opened her door and slid in, “Good. But I think it’s only fair that I know your middle name too.”

 “Eliza,” Clarke answered applying lip-gloss.

 Lexa hummed, “Clarke Eliza Griffin. That’s a nice name.”

 “Yeah, thank my grandparents. Clarke is from my mom’s dad and Eliza is my dad’s mom’s name and since I’m their only grandchild they decided I should be named after them,” Clarke responded closing the overhead mirror.

 As they drove the conversation died, mainly due to Clarke singing the songs that played from the playlist she had with Lexa occasionally humming along content to let the blonde beside her sing off-tune for five or so minutes.

 Lexa pulled up to a large grey building and parked on the opposite side of the road. As she moved to kill the engine Clarke’s hand grabbed her arm stopping her, “No!” Lexa looked over concerned. “This is my favorite song!” She rolled her eyes and dropped her hand to her lap.

 Lexa listened to the intro and turned in her seat towards Clarke who was tapping her feet to the beat, “Really? Really? This,” she pointed to the radio, “This is your favorite song?” Clarke nodded excitedly and Lexa sighed.

 "Iiiit’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious,” Lexa groaned but couldn’t help smiling as the other girl adopted a ‘British’ accent. “If you say it loud it enough you’ll always sound precocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” She grabbed Lexa’s hand and swung it in the small space, “Come on, Lexa I know that you know it. You recognized the intro.”

 Lexa sighed again, “No, Clarke.” The blonde pouted. Honestly pouted and gave the saddest puppy dog eyes Lexa had ever seen. “Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad but then one day I learned a word that saved me achin’ nose. The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes,” Lexa sang dropping her voice to fit the one pouring through the speakers. When she opened her eyes and looked at Clarke her smile was blinding.

 “Oh supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud it enough you’ll always sound precocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” the two sang together. They finished the song and stepped out into the cold as Lexa explained what the building was for.

 “So you guys actually have dinosaur fossils inside?” Clarke asked as they stepped through the doors. “That’s so cool.”

 “Yeah, they’re downstairs but we’ll go there another time. For today we go upstairs,” Lexa answered as she walked slightly ahead of Clarke leading her up two flights of stairs. She opened the door to a balcony and stepped outside extending her arm to show Clarke the view that lay ahead of her.

 The balcony was high enough to overlook the whole school. Polis was not a large university; it was spacious but not as expansive as Arkadia. Clarke marveled at how seamlessly the grey and burgundy buildings merged with the trees around the campus. Even in the dead of winter, with snow replacing the leaves of the trees, Clarke could see how beautiful the campus was. Behind all of it stood a mountain range, it’s peak stood perfectly in the middle with more snow-covered trees.

 “Wow,” was all she could say.

 Lexa stood beside her and looked out at the scene before them, “Yeah.” The wind blew and rustled them from their daze, “I’m sorry if it’s a bit cold.”

 Clarke looked over at her and smiled, “It’s okay, it’s a gorgeous view and the cold never bothered me anyways.”

 Lexa closed her eyes and breathed hard through her nose, “Clarke.”

 Clarke used the most innocent voice she could muster while grinning, “Yes, Lexa?”

 “Was that a Frozen quote,” the blonde nodded. “I’m concerned about how into Disney-movies-that-were-made-for- _children_ you are.”

 Clarke sat on a chair that was under a patio table Lexa joined her soon after, “Well, Lexa, Toy Story and The Sound of Music are classics and Frozen is well on its way to becoming a classic.”

 “Uh, no it’s not,” she reached into her bag and pulled out her book of poetry from earlier. “Frozen is ridiculously overrated.” She looked up as Clarke stood abruptly.

 The blonde slung her bag over her shoulder with a look of disappointment on her face, “Well Lexa Woods, it was great while it lasted but I’m not sure I can continue this friendship.”

 “Honestly, Clarke Griffin, I don’t think I could be friends with someone who thinks Frozen is even close to the same level as The Sound of Music, any of the Toy Stories, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Mulan, or even Wall-E so I don’t think I can continue this friendship either.”

 Clarke grinned down at the nonchalant girl who leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs at the knees before sitting. “Wall-E, really? You put _Wall-E_ but not Frozen?” Lexa nodded. “I don’t even know who are, Woods.”

 “Maybe you should get to know me better then,” Lexa said and Clarke watched as a blush crept onto the girl’s face.

 Clarke smiled, _Is she doing what I think she’s doing?_ Clarke shrugged, “Maybe I should.” She watched as Lexa’s blush deepened and as she tried to hide a smile her eyes glancing at Clarke before going to the book in her hands. Clarke smiled again and pulled her sketchpad and charcoal from her bag. She stood up and pushed her chair back to get a better view.

 When she had stepped out onto the balcony she had every intention of drawing the landscape before her but then there was Lexa. Lexa Woods was beautiful, that much was true. She seen The Commander and had to agree with her friends, she was hot but Lexa – this Lexa, the one here with her – was breathtakingly beautiful. Instead of sketching the skyline that had taken her breath away a few minutes ago Clarke set her eyes on the girl who she was more than happy to have as a friend. Before long the blank page held the image of Lexa completely immersed in her book, the pout on her lips as her eyes perused the words on the page before her, brown hair being held off her face by long, slender fingers that nestled themselves among the tresses.

 Clarke looked away as Lexa shifted and retrieved her phone from her bag; she returned the device and her book to their respective places in her bag before turning to Clarke. “How’s it going?”

 Clarke nodded and closed the sketchpad setting it down on her backpack, “Pretty well actually. It’s a pretty inspiring scene,” she played with the charcoal, refusing to look up at the other girl.

 “That’s great. I’m glad.” Silence stretched between them until Lexa whispered, “Clarke.” The girl’s eyes drifted from the black of the charcoal to the green of Lexa’s eyes. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

 Clarke swallowed. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you first.” She took a breath as she saw confusion cross Lexa’s face. Her hands fidgeted with the charcoal in her hand and she put it down, “I drew you. I’m sorry. I had every intention to draw the view but then…but when I started it wasn’t the view it was you and I should have realized and stopped and asked you if it was okay. I’m sorry.” Clarke grabbed the charcoal again.

 The wind picked up and she almost missed Lexa’s quiet, “Can I see it?”

 Clarke looked up to find Lexa looking at her intently, she fumbled with the charcoal as she reached for the sketchpad beside her and handed it over to the girl in front of her. She looked away as Lexa opened the book at looked at an earlier drawing she had done of her friends as they sat and laughed on the edge of the gigantic water fountain on Arkadia’s campus. The blonde heard pages being turned slowly as Lexa thumbed through the few drawings that lived in the sketchpad. When the rustle of pages died down Clarke heard the sharp intake of the other girl’s breath and dared to look over at her. Brown hair formed a curtain separating Clarke’s gaze from Lexa’s face but Clarke was able to see Lexa’s fingers delicately tracing and stroking the image on the page.

 Lexa’s turned around and their eyes met, “You’re really talented, Clarke.”

 The blonde shrugged, “It’s easy when you have a such a beautiful subject.” _What? Why the fuck (!) did you just say that?_

 Clarke watched as Lexa’s brow rose and she smirked, “You think I’m beautiful?”

 Clarke pursed her lips and tucked her hair behind her ear, “Well, yes.” She tried to play it cool, “I thought that was something you’d already know though, Woods.”

 “It is,” she nodded. “But it’s always nice to hear it coming from a pretty girl.”

  _Fuck._

 As the blush crept onto her face Clarke thanked whatever being existed for the distraction that was the ringing of Lexa’s phone. The brunette gave Clarke a wink, handed her sketchpad back and dug through her bag for her phone. She groaned as she swiped across the screen.

 Clarke, having regained some semblance of composure, asked, “What’s wrong?”

 “It’s twelve fifteen,” Lexa answered. “I have class at one and then rugby practice after that until six.”

 “Oh,” was all Clarke could manage upon realizing that her day with Lexa was already over. In an attempt to eek out one more conversation with the girl Clarke added, “I heard that you play and that you’re apparently really good.”

 “Heard,” Lexa asked, her brows knitted in confusion.

 “Yeah. Octavia plays and when I mentioned that we had been talking and that I was meeting with you today she kinda maybe showed me your highlight reel. It was pretty impressive.”

 A smirk adorned her face again, “Thank you, Clarke.” It fell and she said, “We have a game tomorrow at midday. You could come watch.”

 “I’m sorry, Lexa, I can’t,” green eyes fell to the ground. Clarke realized what the other thought and quickly added, “I’d love to, honestly, it’s just that Octavia has a game at the same time and I already promised her that I’d be there.”

 Lexa nodded, her eyes returning to Clarke’s, “That’s fine. Maybe next time….”

 Clarke smiled, “Yeah next time. I pinky promise,” she stood up and took the two steps over to the other girl holding her pinky between them. Lexa looked between Clarke’s pinky and her face and back again. “Come on, Lexa,” she wiggled the finger. Lexa turned and looked around them before locking her pinky with Clarke’s. She was rewarded with the brightest smile she had seen from the girl so far.

* * *

 Clarke walked into the apartment to the sounds of an argument from the bathroom. She shrugged off and hung up her jacked, toed off her shoes and headed towards the room. She knocked on the door, effectually stopping Octavia and Raven’s argument, and opened the door to find Octavia sitting in the bathtub covered from the waist down in ice and Raven sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. Clarke entered the room and sat with her back to the tub.

“What’s up, Clarkey?” Octavia asked prodding the blonde’s head with her knee.

“Nothing. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm sorry for being an ass earlier,” Clarke said looking between her friends.

“We already decided to forgive you, Princess,” Raven answered with a shrug.

Clarke gave them each a smile, “Thank you.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the tub but was fully aware of the silent conversation happening between the two brunettes, “What?”

She opened her eyes as Octavia began speaking, “How was your date?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “It wasn’t a date. And my _meeting_ with Lexa was good.”

“Good as in you got some good?” Raven asked and Clarke kicked at her good leg.

“No good as in we had coffee and then drove over to Polis so I could do some sketches.”

“Did you tell her what I told you to tell her,” Octavia asked shifting in her ice bath.

“No, Octavia. I did not tell her that she can have you any which way she likes at any time of the day,” Clarke said closing her eyes again. “Oh, I won’t be at your match next week.”

“Why not?”

“Lexa invited me to her game,” Clarke said already hearing the jokes and teasing she was about to receive for the next week.

“So it this one a date?”

“No, Rae. We’re just friends. I’m going to her game as a friend.”

“Yeah they have to be friends because Clarkey has to introduce us and then we fall in love, get married and have kids and grow old together with our dog, Ranger,” Octavia said from the bathtub.

“You have this all figured out don’t you, O,” Raven said adjusting her brace as the other brunette nodded.

“I think what our darling Raven means, O is ‘Why don’t you love me the way I love you? Why can’t my love be enough?’”

Raven glared at the blonde while Octavia laughed, “Don’t worry Rae, if we get to thirty and Lexa hasn’t married me as yet then I’ll come wife you, I promise.”

“Fuck off, Octavia,” Raven grumbled walking out of the bathroom.

“Why must you always do that to her? You know she’s in love with you,” Clarke asked turning to look at her friend.

Octavia shrugged, “I know. I just don’t love her like that.”

“She knows that. That’s why she tries to distance herself from you but you keep pushing it by asking her to do stuff for you and follow you around and squeezing yourself between us when we watch tv even though there’s enough space beside me for you to sit,” Clarke told her friend. “You like being the center of her attention and you know that she can’t bear to tell you no so you keep doing it. Stop playing with her, O, or it’s gonna end badly for both of you and I’m not choosing sides.”

Octavia threw an ice cube across the tub, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t tell me; tell Raven,” Clarke said as she stood and patted the girl’s shoulder before walking out of the bathroom.

Walking past Raven’s room she heard music blaring and felt a pang of pity for the other girl. She stepped into her room and fished her phone from her backpack and sat on her bed contemplating whether or not she was making the right decision. Despite the nightmares earlier that morning, Clarke realized that she was feeling a lot better recently, talking to her friends and having Lexa in her life played a big role in that.

She dialled the number that she has not called in months and listened to it ring. As the call was about to go to voicemail the person answered, “Clarke? Is everything okay?”

The blonde took a breath, “Hey, Mom. Everything is fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, this chapter is a little longer than the last two to make up for it. It's always great to hear from you guys. Have a fantastic week!
> 
> As always I'll be crying over Clexa (and The 100 in general) over at lastlogic.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

_Jan. 14, 2017 3:22pm_

_Hi Dad,_

_I spoke to Mom yesterday, it was freeing. I think somewhere deep down I realized she was hurting too but I didn’t know how much until I actually spoke to her not just sit there while she talks and cries. I spent do much time being angry at her that I didn’t – couldn’t – realize that she’s having such a hard time with you being gone as well. I can’t lie and say the anger is all gone cause there’s a part of me that still blames her for your death but it’s a new year and I think it’d be nice for her to have someone to grieve with, someone who knows what she’s going through as well. So I’ve decided that I’m gonna go visit her next weekend._

_I’ve gotta go help Octavia, she rolled her ankle during today’s game so it’s bye for now, Dad._

_Love you._

 

_Jan. 17, 2017 4:12pm_

_Dad,_

_So guess who got an A- on a paper and a commendation on one of her drawings? This week is going so well so far I only hope (naively) that it’ll last through the semester. Although there are labs that are kicking my ass but that’s what happens when you’re paired up with Jasper Jordan all semester – I swear I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jasper fully sober since coming to ArkU. But…I’m gonna be like the world’s best surgeon so I can put up with him for one semester.  
_

_You know, there was a time I was considering not doing medicine just come to college get my Art History degree and go be a starving artist or a critic but something you said to me one day reminded me that I love helping and fixing people, that it’s my dream. You were sitting in the kitchen one Sunday morning read Henry David Thoreau and when I came down you looked up at me, smiled, and said “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined,” and that’s stayed with me and I’m so glad you told me that because I don’t know where I’d be without you and without those words._

_I love you._

_Jan. 19, 2017 2:43pm_

_Dad,_

_Sometimes I hate it when you’re right. I was talking to Lexa today about forgiveness and she was saying the same thing you were about forgiveness not being about what people deserve. So yeah. But this wasn’t to talk about you being right I realized that I never told you about her – Lexa._

_I met her last year about a month or so after you died because I used to leave voice messages on your phone when I needed to talk to you but one day she answered and she allowed me to keep calling and talking. I was great. Okay, so it was weird at first but it was still great. One day over winter break she called me to talk about her parents and I guess we kinda became friends from that point on. We agreed to meet up for coffee when we got back (oh, she goes to PolisU) and we did and then she took me to one of her favorite spots on her campus so I could draw the view and it was gorgeous but I ended up sketching her instead and we’ve been hanging out twice a week ever since. We text everyday though and she always asks about my day and listens when I ramble and she laughs at my puns and we argue about which Disney movies are better and she begrudgingly sings along to show tunes and oh god it sounds like I have a crush on her but I don’t – I swear. We’re just friends. It’s easy and fun to talk to her, she gets it and she doesn’t pity me when I talk about how sometimes I’m not doing well and she tries to help when she can. She has this calm, steely demeanour that she portrays when we’re in public (especially on Polis’ campus – she doesn’t get called The Commander for nothing) but then when it’s just us she’s softer and more relaxed and I like it (as a friend). She’s honestly a really great friend to have. She has a rugby game this Saturday that I promised her I’d attend (as a friend) before I go see Mom. You’d really like her, Dad. In a way it’s because of you why she’s in my life so thank you._

_I’ll talk to you soon and I love you._

_Jan. 19, 2017 10:52pm_

_Dad,_

_I just finished talking to Mom and doing this is bringing up tears I didn’t know I still had. She’s trying to be so strong, Dad. It pains me to hear her sniffle when she thinks she’s alone or catch her looking at a picture of you or hear her whispering her thoughts and feelings to you. She’s heaped so much blame on herself and I’m sure me blaming her doesn’t help either. It’s not her fault. She didn’t ask for this to happen – she didn’t want any of this. I can hear her sobbing from across the hall so I’m gonna go sleep with her tonight because I don’t want to be alone and I really don’t want her to be alone._

_Goodnight, Dad._

_Jan. 24, 2017 5:00pm_

_Hi Dad,_

_So, I’m back on campus and my first order of business was to drag Lexa around the museum on campus. I know she has no interest in art but it was fun watching her eyes gloss over when I was talking about_ _Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres’ technique and style for one of his self-portraits. It was nice just to be relaxed and carefree, especially after the weekend I just had. We talked and laughed (I never realized how deadpan and melancholy her humor was until today). I’m really happy she’s in my life although she an Octavia’s teams are playing each other on Saturday and now I’m caught in a rivalry between two girls who haven’t met as yet and I may have to kill one of them before the week is over. Or, I could have them meet and then they can have their rivalry without me in the middle but I’m kinda afraid that Octavia would jump Lexa if they actually did meet so I’m kinda keeping them apart for Lexa’s sake. Plus she’s mine (as a friend)._

_Bye for now, Pop._

_Jan. 25, 2017 11:20pm_

_Hiii Dad!_

_Octavia, Raven, and I are having a girls’ night in and I may be a little tipsy. Don’t tell anyone but I think Raven is sleeping with Bellamy ‘cause I saw him coming out of her room yesterday and he gave me a lame excuse about homework but I know they don’t have any classes together (he’s a history major and she’s physics and math!). I’m guessing Octavia doesn’t know – I hope she doesn’t know! But I really do hope this means that she’s getting over O, she deserves to find someone who will treat her right (even if it’s just for one night). I say, if she wants to sleep with Bell then more power to her; I just hope she’s careful cause it won’t be pretty when Octavia finds out._

_Byeee Dad. I love you._

_Jan. 26, 2017 8:17pm_

_Hey Dad,_

_Today has been pretty crappy. To start things off I woke up late because I turned my alarm on without realizing it was set for 9AM tomorrow and by the time I got up and got into the really cold shower and got ready the coffee that O had made was cold. To make a wonderful day better my car wouldn’t start and so I had to run to the class that I was inevitably late for and I had to disturb the lecture to get to my seat and then I got cold-called on as a punishment of sorts (the only good thing is that I knew the answer). I came home to find Octavia and Raven pissed at each other because Raven is lying about sleeping with Bellamy. Everything about today is so screwed up and the worst part is I think I may have scared Lexa away. She was being so sweet and tried to help me but I was just so grumpy and I may have just pushed her away._

A knock echoed through the quiet apartment as Clarke dropped her head into the book in front of her. Octavia’s acknowledgement followed the sound and Clarke closed her eyes hoping the caller was for one of the other two girls.

“No way!” Octavia’s voice shouts again and Clarke hears the front door slam before Octavia is bursting through her door. “Oh my gods, guess who’s outside,” Octavia let out a squeal by Clarke’s ear.

Clarke turned her head slightly and looked at Octavia through all the blonde hair covering her face, “God herself?”

The brunette nods, “Well yes. It’s Lexa.”

Clarke sits up at the mention of the other girl, “Lexa? Did you just leave her outside?”

“Oh. Yeah. She’s still outside.” Octavia’s face morphed into fear as Clarke got up and moved past her out of the bedroom. The other girl was quick on her heels, “Oh no. I slammed the door in The Commander’s face!”

Clarke patted Octavia’s head and opened the door to find Lexa’s back. “Hey,” Clarke greeted her. The visitor turned around and gave the blonde a small smile.

“Hi, Clarke,” Lexa responded tucking strands of her hair behind her ear before pushing her glasses up her nose. She stepped forward, “I hope this isn’t intrusive. I know you were, are, having a bad day so I brought you these,” she held the white paper bag she was holding. “They’re donuts from Polis Pastries.” Clarke took the bag and elbowed Octavia who not so subtly whispered ‘Wife her’ from her position behind Clarke. She could have almost sworn that she saw the brunette blush at Octavia’s comment but the lighting was terrible in the hallway so that was not a surety.

“Thanks.” She motioned with her head, “You wanna come in?” She felt Octavia slapping at her arm excitedly, “I think there’s someone who’d love to meet you.”

Lexa gave her a small smile and a simple head nod before she moved aside so the girl could enter before meeting an extremely excited Octavia.

Lexa did not make it far before, “Hi! I’m Octavia.” She stretched her hand towards Lexa, “It’s great to finally meet you and I’m really sorry for screaming and then slamming the door in your face. I’m kinda your biggest fan. Is that creepy to say? Oh well. Hi.”

Lexa chuckled softly and shook the other girls hands, “Wow. It is a pleasure to meet you too, Octavia; Clarke has told me so much about you.”

“She has?” Clarke closed the door as Octavia led Lexa deeper into the apartment. The two brunettes sat and chatted while Clarke took the opportunity to inspect Lexa’s gift. She had bought three donuts, one vanilla glazed, one that was covered in chocolate chip cookie dough (her favorite), and a third that she would come to find out was covered in a coffee flavored glaze. She poured the two girls a glass of water each and joined them on the couch. Neither girl looked up at her arrival and she sat and listened as her two friends spoke (really fangirled) over the Vegas Sevens that were currently underway.

After a lull in the conversation Octavia stood up, “Well I must leave you two be as I have an assignment that I must complete and a mother to call.” She smiled down at Lexa, “It was really great getting to talk to you. See you on Saturday.” Lexa nodded and gave her a small smile. Octavia glanced over at Clarke, gave her a mock salute and was gone.

Clarke got up and occupied Octavia’s now vacant seat beside Lexa. “She’s been dying to meet you ever since I told her about how we met.” Clarke decided not to inform Lexa about the more disturbing things that Octavia has said over the past few months.

“She’s very…”

“Energetic? Enthusiastic?” Clarke offered and Lexa nodded. “Yeah that’s Octavia for you.”

Lexa drank from her glass before shifting in her seat so she was facing Clarke, “How are you?”

The blonde sighed and leaned back in the couch with her arms crossed, “I don’t know.” She glanced over at Lexa who was still looking at her intently before looking away again, “You already know that today was just a crap day. A part of me thinks that this is karma for being too happy recently. It’s like the universe reminding me that I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Lexa grabbed her hand, “Clarke, look at me.” When she did Lexa continued, “You do deserve to be happy. Sometimes bad days just happen and when they do we just have to take them in stride but they don’t mean that we don’t deserve happiness. Plus, if there’s anyone in this world that deserves to be happy it’s you, Clarke. You love and care so deeply and you deserve all the love and happiness the world can give.” She squeezed Clarke’s hand and gave her a smile.

Clarke smiled at Lexa, _Why must you be perfect and why must your eyes be so green?_ “Thank you, Lexa.” She used her other hand to gently push the brunette’s shoulder, “But don’t you dare go soft and sappy on me.”

“Scout’s honor,” Lexa pledged.

“You weren’t a Scout, Woods!” Lexa shrugged and pulled her hand out of Clarke’s as her phone rang. She pulled it out and frowned at the screen before looking back at Clarke who was scratching at her jeans to keep her hand occupied after losing Lexa’s. “Take it.”

Lexa answered the call, “Hello?” She pulled the phone away to look at the screen again, “Hello?” Shrugging she ended the call. “Must have been a wrong number or some kids pulling a prank.”

“You sound like a grandmother,” Clarke laughed and shoved Lexa’s knee with her own as the other girl scowled, “What’s next? You gonna need me to show you how to not use Internet Explorer or are you gonna tell me to get off your lawn?”

“I came here out of the goodness of my heart, Griffin. I do not need this from you,” she answered with her arms folded across her chest.

“Aw, grandma’s cranky,” Clarke mocked. The ringing of her phone in her bedroom joined her laughter and she stood to get it as Lexa’s hand swatted her thigh. “Be right back, Grandma Woods.”

She found her phone underneath her pillow and answered upon seeing her mother’s caller ID. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?” There was no reply. “Mom? You there?” She was about to hang up when she heard a sniffle and her mother’s voice faintly call her name. “Mom? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

More sniffles. “Clarke. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him. I killed them both. I’m sorry.”

“Mom! What are you talking about?” Clarke pulled on her shoes, her mind already made up that she was going to find her mother wherever she was. Abby continued muttering on the other end of the line. “Mom, where are you? Are you at home.”

“Yes. It’s so unfair that I get to go home and his wife and kid don’t have him anymore,” Abby punctuates her sentence with a hiccup. “The world is so unfair, Clarke. And I killed them. I killed them both.”

Clarke ran her hand through her hair as the panic actually set it, “Mom. I’m gonna come and find you, okay? I’ll be there really soon. I’m gonna stay on the line with you, okay?” Abby’s response was another hiccup. She walked out of her room and waved her hand to get Lexa’s attention before placing her hand over the speaker, “Did you drive?” Lexa nodded. “I have a favor to ask you."

Lexa stood up and walked over to Clarke, “Okay.”

“It’s my mom. She’s having a rough night and I think I may have to go over there could you drop me there, please?”

Lexa nodded rapidly, “Yes. Of course.”

“Thank you so much. Just let me grab some things and tell Octavia what’s happening,” Lexa nodded again and moved to take up the two glasses as Clarke retreated to her room once again. “I’ll be there soon, Mom. I promise.” She grabbed the book she had been writing in earlier and threw it in her backpack before slinging it on her shoulder. “I’m leaving out in a minute, Mom.” Clarke knocked on Octavia’s door and explained the situation to her, the other girl hugging her tightly and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She left Octavia’s bedroom to find Lexa standing by the door. She helped Clarke into her coat and held the door open, “Thanks. I’ll direct you unless you prefer to use GPS.”

Lexa shook her head, “Directions are fine.” Lexa closed the door behind them as they stepped into the dimly lit hallway.

* * *

 

Thirty-five minutes later Lexa pulled into the Griffins’ driveway. Clarke was immediately out of the car and through the doors, out of respect Lexa followed but at a distance.

Clarke found Abby sitting on the floor in the kitchen with her back against the stove and three empty beer bottles between her legs and a mostly empty bottle of whiskey at her lips. “Oh Mommy,” Clarke knelt beside the woman, pried the bottle from her hand and hugged her tightly. She pulled back and brushed Abby’s hair from her face, “What happened?”

Abby’s eyes slowly found Clarke’s and focused on them, “I couldn’t save him.”

“Save who, Mom?”

“Michael.”

“Who’s Michael, Mom?” Clarke cupped her mother’s cheek.

“Michael Kissinger,” she hiccupped. “Forty-six. Presented with severe burns to his face and torso. He died at three twenty-four this afternoon. I couldn’t save him, Clarke.” Tears streamed down her face, “Just like I couldn’t save your father.”

Clarke’s own tears fell as she realized why this patient’s death affected her mother so much, “They were the same age. And they both…burned.” She hugged her mother again and held her close as Abby’s sobs wracked her body, “Neither of their deaths are you fault, Mom. There was nothing you or anyone could do.”

Abby pushed Clarke away, “If it wasn’t for me your father would still be alive. If I hadn’t mentioned that I needed those stupid files he wouldn’t have gone out. If I wasn’t too busy to go get my own things he’d still be here. It’s my fault. I should have known he was too tired to drive. I shouldn’t have let him go. Jake’s dead and it’s my fault.” She grabbed for the bottle of whiskey and put it to her head again.

Clarke shook her head and willed the tears not to fall, “It’s not your fault. No matter what you said he would have gone anyways, that’s just who he is – was. He was showing you he loved you and that’s not your fault, Mom. It’s no one’s fault.” She sat beside her mother and wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her in closer. “I don’t blame you, Mom and I know he doesn’t either.”

Abby sniffled as she rested her head on her daughter’s shoulder, “Thank you for coming, Clarke.”

“It’s no problem,” in that moment she remembered Lexa. “I just have to go tell my friend that she can head back. After that I’m going to get you to bed.” Abby nodded and let Clarke get up.

The blonde found the other girl standing in the foyer looking at the picture of the Griffin family that was perched on the wall. Lexa turned and smiled at Clarke who came to stand beside her. “Everything okay?”

Clarke nodded, “Yeah. She lost a patient who reminded her of my dad and she didn’t take it too well. She’s been carrying around the blame for my dad’s death since it happened and this one just made it worse.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Not yet,” Clarke shook her head.

“Okay.” Lexa looked back at the picture, “You have his eyes and his smile.”

“Yeah and his intensity and stubbornness,” Clarke responded looking fondly at her father’s smiling face.

Lexa looked over at Clarke, “So you finally admit that you are stubborn.”

Clarke snorted, “I never actually denied it.” Clarke looked at Lexa’s smiling face and took a step into the other girl’s personal space before wrapping her arms around her and burying her face in the between her neck and shoulder. When she felt Lexa’s arms wrap around her she whispered, “Thank you so much, Lexa. For everything.”

Lexa’s arms held her tighter, “You’re welcome, Clarke.”

Clarke was the first to pull away and she watched as Lexa’s eyes scanned the space before landing on hers, “I know this was last minute and you probably have a million and one things to do so…”

“I don’t actually. My professor for tomorrow’s class is out of town and I already did the reading; although I do have practice tomorrow afternoon,” Lexa stated while shoving her hands into her back pockets. “But I’ll get out of your hair – give you and your mom some privacy.”

“Oh,” Clarke responded. “Well, okay,” Lexa nodded. “Drive safely and let me know when you get back home,” they shared a brief hug. “And Lexa, thank you again.”

“You’re welcome, Clarke and I’ll call you as soon as walk through the door,” she gave the blonde a smile before turning to go.

“Lexa, wait,” Clarke called. She tucked her hair behind her ear, “Do you maybe want to stay the night?” Lexa turned around fully with her eyebrows raised. “It’s late and I don’t want you driving home alone – I don’t think you should, I mean – it’s not safe.” She gestured behind her, “I’m going to put her to bed and I kinda don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now.”

Lexa smiled, “Okay, I’ll stay. Just get me a blanket and I’ll be good on the couch.”

Clarke smiled widely and grabbed Lexa’s arm pulling her into the house, “Nonsense. You can get my bed tonight. I’ll take the floor it’s much more comfortable than the couch anyways.”

Clarke and Lexa entered the kitchen to find Abby standing shakily, “Clarke! I think it’s time for bed, Clarke,” Abby slurred. “Who’s your friend? She’s pretty. Is she your girlfriend?”

Clarke moved to support her mother and rolled her eyes, “No, Mom. This is Lexa and she drove me here. She’s just a friend.”

Abby looked at Lexa, “Well, Lexa, I wish we had met under better circumstances.” She hiccupped as Lexa replied with her own greeting. Clarke excused them both as she tried to get her mother up the stairs and into her bedroom. As they passed Lexa Abby ‘whispered’, “That’s one sharp jawline. Clarke, she’s really pretty.”

“Okay, Mom,” Clarke mouthed an apology to a smirking Lexa.

Ten minutes later she was back in the kitchen and found Lexa seated on one of the stools at the island flipping through one of Abby’s medical journals. Clarke sat down beside her, “I’m sorry about that. She has no filter when she’s drunk.”

Lexa chuckled, “It’s okay. I’m just glad to know that at least one Griffin appreciates my beauty.” Clarke tried hard to stop the blush that colored her cheeks. Lexa decided to spare the girl and gestured towards the journal in her hands, “So this is what you want to do with your life? Read journals and fix people?”

Clarke nodded, “Yeah, basically. When I was younger, like toddler younger, my parents would take turns reading their journals to me. As I got older they made it a competition to see whose work interested me more. As you can imagine my Dad lost consistently. But he was really happy when I took up art because that was his thing too. I don’t know how many times I’d come downstairs just to find him sitting alone with a single light on sketching away whatever was haunting him that night. He bought me my sketchpad and pencils when I was eight and he’d take me to the park and we’d sit there for hours just drawing and talking and laughing.” Clarke shook her head to help orient herself, “But yeah. Journals and fixing people.”

 Lexa ran her hand over the page, “Do you know which field you want to go into?”

“At one time I thought I’d go into Cardio and then I switched to Ortho but I’ve finally decided that it’s going to be between Plastics and Trauma. Plastics is like art – at least that’s how I see it. You get to sculpt someone into their perfect image of themselves, it’s therapeutic in a sense. And Trauma it’s just so intense. There’s no room for error and the stakes are always high and I feel like I want that rush, the challenge, every day.” Clarke looked over to see Lexa smiling at her. “What about you, why Econ?”

“To be quite honest, because of my parents,” her eyes scanned the page in front of her face. “I don’t hate it. I loved it in high school and I still love it in college but it would not have been my first choice.”

“What would you have chosen instead?”

“I’d do Music and English.” Clarke’s eyebrows rose at the admission. “I’ve been a classically trained pianist and violinist since I was six. My parents thought it would look good on high school and college applications, it did, but once I got to Polis they thought of it as a hobby and not something worth pursing. I still practice when I can.”

“I swear, every day you get more and more impressive, Woods. Is there anything you actually can’t do?” Clarke asked leaning against her friend.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve shown you the extent of my drawing skills and we both admitted that it was a very poor attempt at a squirrel,” Clarke laughed at the memory, after all, it looked nothing like any animal in existence.

“All right so there’s one thing you can’t do but I’m sure that’s it.” Clarke’s eyes caught and held Lexa’s, “Honestly, you’re perfect,” she whispered into the space between them. The ringing of Clarke’s phone forced the blonde to break eye contact. She looked at the screen and cursed Octavia under her breath before responding to the message. When she looked up Lexa’s focus was back on the journal. “Hey, I think I’m going to turn in for the night. I can show you were everything is and get you a change of clothes and a toothbrush if you’re ready.”

Lexa closed the book, “That would be great. Thank you.”

The two girls went upstairs and took turns getting ready for bed. Lexa tried twice to get Clarke to reconsider taking the bed. She failed at that twice and so she was lying in Clarke’s bed when the blonde returned and took her place among the blankets on the floor.

“Goodnight, Lexa,” Clarke called.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

After five minutes the silence in the room was broken by sniffling.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked into the darkness.

Another sniffle, “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Lexa sat up and tried to look at Clarke in the darkness.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I wasn’t sleeping. What’s wrong?”

“I was just thinking. Go to sleep, Lexa.”

“Come here.”

“What? No. I’m fine, go to sleep.”

“Clarke Eliza Griffin, come here.” A fw moments passed before Clarke got up and shuffled over to the bed and sat on the edge. “Lie down,” Clarke did as she was told. As soon as her head hit the pillow Lexa was by her side with her arms wrapped around the blonde. They readjusted their positions so that Clarke’s head rested on Lexa’s shoulder. “Now you don’t have to tell me what’s making you cry but know that I’m here for you, okay?” Clarke nodded and Lexa shuffled closer to her.

“Lexa?”

“Yes, Clarke?”

“You ever feel like you have everything sorted out in life and then the rug gets pulled from under you?” the brunette nodded. “Less than a year ago everything was great. Octavia and Raven could manage being around each other for more than five minutes, I was in what seemed to be a pretty decent relationship, my dad was alive, and my mom wasn’t blaming herself for people’s deaths and drinking her pain away and now all of that’s upended and I’m lost and confused because I don’t know whose life I walked into.” She wrapped her arms around Lexa and let her tears fall, “The only good that came out of it is you, Lex. In three months you’ve become a better friend than people I’ve known my whole life. I’m eternally grateful to you and so thankful that I got to know you.”

“Me too, Clarke,” Lexa placed a kiss on the top of Clarke’s head. “Now go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Clark nodded and fell asleep to the sound of Lexa’s heartbeat and the feel of the other girl’s fingers gently massaging her scalp.

* * *

“So you slept with her,” Raven said over before putting her beer bottle to her lips.

Clarke rolled her eyes, “We just shared my bed. Nothing happened because we’re just friends.”

“But you’d like to be more than friends, right?”

“No.” Clarke drank from her own bottle, “Okay, so I wouldn’t be opposed to it but Lexa’s just my friend.”

“Yeah and Bellamy and I are just friends,” Raven answers.

“Speaking of, how’s that going? You and O still not talking because of it?”

Raven rolled her eyes, “You wanna know what she said to me?” Clarke nodded, “She looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘You can’t have one Blake so you run to the other?’ Like, excuse me?”

“Are you sure she’s at practice and not dead under your bed?” Clarke asked hoping to remove the scowl that adorned her friend’s face.

“I should have killed her. She’s such a bitch sometimes!”

“That’s true but she’ll get over it. So this thing with you and Bell, is it serious?”

Raven shrugs, “I don’t know. Right now it’s just sex but who knows what could happen. Maybe tomorrow I’ll meet someone at Jasper and Monty’s party and we’ll hit it off and this thing with me and Bell will end or maybe we'll just keep doing what we're doing." She shrugged, "All I know is that right now my love and sex lives are in cruise control.” She looked over at Clarke, “But speaking of sex lives…when are you gonna get some?” Clarke rolled her eyes once more, “Oh come on, Griff. It’s been close to a year since you and Finn broke up and since the last time you got some.”

“You don’t know that,” Clarke finished the beer in her bottle and her notes from her biology lab.

“Oh please. Since then you’ve been hanging out with me, Octavia, Bellamy, Monty, and Jasper; who could you have possibly slept with?” Clarke kept silent. “Unless you don’t want to because you’re waiting for a certain tanned, brunette, rugby player from PolisU to notice you like her and then sleep with you.” Clarke groaned and opened her mouth to chastise the other girl, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re only friends. But I saw that hug when she dropped you off, Griff.”

“What?! I hug you and O and Bellamy all the time and you never say anything about that!”

“Yeah, that’s because you don’t hug us like that, Clarkey,” Raven said reaching across to boop Clarke on the nose.

Clarke swatted her hand away, “Whatever. Let’s just get this stupid lab written up so I can go take a nap.”

“You mean so you can go talk to Lexa,” Raven singsonged.

Clarke threw her eraser across the couch and hit the other girl in the stomach, “Shut up. And she’s at practice and then she has a team meeting after.”

“Look at you knowing your boo’s schedule,” Raven tossed the eraser back at the blonde. “So cute!” Clarke ignored the blush that crept up her neck and onto her cheeks but she knew Raven saw when the brunette let out a laugh.

* * *

 Clarke woke with a start as Octavia pounded on her room door. The brunette stuck her head through the crack and smiled at the bundle of blankets on Clarke’s bed.

She strode into the room and opened the curtains, “Come on, Clarke. Saturday’s a rugby day!”

“Fuck off, Octavia; I’m not even on the team,” Clarke said turning away from the light.

“Yes Clarke but Lexa,” Octavia dropped herself onto Clarke’s bed.

“Why don’t you just fucking ask her out, Octavia?” as much as Clarke would hate that she really wanted to go back to sleep.

Octavia grabbed her arm, “Really? Are you okay with that? You think she’d say yes?”

“I don’t fucking care, Octavia.” That was a lie.

The brunette was quiet for a while as she propped herself up against Clarke. “Maybe I’ll ask her to come to Jasper and Monty’s party tonight!”

“I already asked her,” Clarke mumbled.

“What? And when were you going to tell me?”

“Never. You didn’t need to know,” Clarke pulled the blanket over her head. “Go away. I’ll get to your game on time. I promise.”

Octavia got up and sauntered off, “Yeah you said that last time and you were five minutes late.” With that Octavia was gone and Clarke was free to sleep once more.

That is until Bellamy opened the door and jumped onto her bed, giving her a more rude and unwelcomed awakening than his sister had earlier.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek, “Good morning, Princess.” Clarke swatted at his face and he laughed. “Come on, it’s almost time to leave.”

“Get off of me. And can I at least brush my teeth first?” Clarke tried to wiggle out of his embrace. “You know, until two minutes ago you were the Better Blake because you didn’t wake me up but I rescind your title.”

“Aw, Princess don’t be like that,” he released her and she rolled over to look at him and the stupid grin he was sporting.

“You need a haircut,” Clarke said pushing his hair out of his face.

“And you need to get your butt out of bed or O’s gonna kill us all,” he responded moving his head away from her hand. Clarke groaned and rolled off the bed. “And take a shower.” The blonde directed a middle finger at him as he relaxed on her bed.

Forty minutes later the three friends were walking up to the crowd of people gathered around the pitch.

Bellamy tried to find Octavia in the crowd, “I swear if she asks why we’re late I’m throwing you under the bus, Princess.”

Luckily the game was yet to begin and Octavia had spotted them through the crowd. She ran over and hugged her brother and Clarke while giving Raven a nod.

“The game’s gonna start soon, we’re just getting taped up,” Octavia said leading the trio towards ArkU’s bench.

Clarke turned at the sound of a voice shouting, “Let’s go Polis, boot check!”

Clarke’s brows furrowed when she saw a dirty blonde rallying the team instead of the brunette she expected who was busy talking to the referee. She turned to Octavia and indicated towards the tall, imposing figure, “I didn’t know Anya played and I thought Lexa was captain.”

“Ah, Anya ‘The General’ Arbor, she’s Lexa’s co-captain. Polis has a backs’ and a forwards’ captain. Lexa is their backs’ captain and Anya is their forwards’ captain but everyone knows that Lexa’s really the one in charge; she’s the one everyone’s really afraid of.”

“She looks intense. I mean she always does when I see her but this is something else,” Octavia nodded. Clarke watched as Lexa joined the line-up and held her boot up for inspection. She watched the girl scan the crowd until her eyes met blue from across the pitch and smiled as Lexa gave her a barely-there smile and a curt nod. Clarke gave her two thumbs up and watched as Lexa’s smile grew almost imperceptibly wider. The brunette reluctantly pulled her gaze away from Clarke as her name was called. The two did not interact again before the game started.

The first forty-five minutes passed with the three friends loudly cheering on Octavia and the rest of ArkU’s team. At one point Clarke was almost banished from the sideline for cheering when Lexa sidestepped and ran through all of ArkU’s players to score a try. She shrugged and kept any future cheering for Lexa between her and her friends.

The three friends walked around while the two teams rested during half time and returned just in time to hear Lexa shout, “Who wants first tackle?” after the response of ‘I do’ from her team she kicked the ball into ArkU’s half.

“Oh come on, Sir!” Drawn out of her conversation with Bellamy, Clarke turned to look at Raven who was gesturing towards the field. She turned and saw Octavia lying on her back and clutching her chest. “That was a high tackle and you fucking know it!” The three friends walked along the sideline to get a better view of Octavia as her teammates crowded around her. “Come on, O get up!” Clarke watched as Raven grabbed one of Bellamy’s only available hand as the other was occupied with raking through his hair as he watched his sister on her back. She grabbed Raven’s other hand that was balled in a fist and pounding away at her thigh.

Clarke felt her chest tighten as she looked back at her friend lying on the ground gasping for air.

Lexa removed her mouth guard, moved through the crowd and knelt at Octavia’s side. She held the other girl’s hand while nodding and speaking with her as the trainer made his way up to the two girls. When Octavia was able to sit and eventually stand up, with Lexa’s help, she raised her hand to indicate she was fine. The crowd cheered as the three friends released a collective breath though still holding each other’s hand. Octavia laughed at something Lexa said before making her way to the backline.

Clarke, Raven, and Bellamy watched the rest of the game with bated breath, the only comment coming from Raven after Anya tackled a player, got up, rolled her neck and wiped away the blood that was leaking from her nose. Raven had looked between her friends, nodded and said, “She could get it,” to which Clarke and Bellamy rolled their eyes.

The game ended soon after Anya’s tackle and the two teams congratulated each other and the referee before leaving the field. After a talk with their coach Arkadia’s players dispersed and Octavia re-joined her friends.

“Oh my gods, that was such a great game!” she said as Clarke checked her for injuries and bruises.

Bellamy snorted, “You guys lost and you almost died.”

“Yeah but one, we played really well and held our own against them. Two, I didn’t almost die; I just got the wind knocked out of me,” Octavia said as she punched his arm. “And three, I tackled Lexa…four times!” she beamed.

“And they were solid tackles too, Octavia,” they turned around at the voice and found Lexa standing there with her wrist wrapped and an icepack on her ribs. She gestured towards Octavia's chest and asked, “How are you feeling?”

Octavia nodded a ‘fine’ as Clarke rushed over to her and gingerly held her wrist to check the bandages. After deeming them good enough her hands cupped Lexa’s face as she searched for any cuts and bruises. Finding only a cut under the other girl’s chin she let her go.

She turned to face her friends and saw the smug smiles they all wore (but failed to see the blush that Lexa was now sporting), “What?”

After their chorus of ‘nothing’ Bellamy stepped forward to shake Lexa’s hand, “Hi, I’m Bellamy. It’s really nice to meet you.”

“Hi, Lexa. It’s nice to meet you too, Bellamy,” she gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“I heard you’re planning to party with us tonight,” the boy aid smiling widely.

Lexa nodded and turned her head towards Clarke, “Clarke, I was wondering if it would be okay if Anya came to the party as well.”

Clarke and her friends nodded excitedly, “Yeah that’s totally fine I’m sure.”

“Good. I’ll let her know then,” she told Octavia, Bellamy, and Raven goodbye and gave Clarke a smile and an ‘I’ll see you tonight then’ before she left.

Clarke watched as she left and before she was even two feet away the trio started making kissing sounds directed at Clarke.

“Would you guys grow up?” Clarke muttered as she walked past her friends and they fell in behind her.

“We’ve gotta get you ready for your date, Clarkey,” Octavia said as she tried to twirl but had to stop because her muscles were sore.

“It’s not a date!” Clarke said. “And if it was do you think our first date would be to one of Monty and Jasper’s parties?”

“That’s true. That’d be the worst first date ever,” Raven muttered.

“No matter. We still have to get you ready for your not-date,” Octavia said from her place beside Bellamy. She dropped back and came up behind Raven, “Whatcha say, Reyes? Wanna help?”

A look of surprise registered on three of four faces before Raven answered. “Uh, yeah sure.”

Octavia squealed and squeezed herself between the two girls and threw one arm around each of their necks, “Great!” She looked between the two, “So are we going for sexy or slutty?”

The two girls rolled their eyes and Bellamy apologized to a woman who covered her son’s ears at Octavia’s comment.

“How about casual?” Clarke offered.

“Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. No.”

“Why not, O?”

“Because Lexa’s already seen you casual. Now it’s time to step your game up if you want to get in her pants,” Octavia said patting the blonde on the shoulder.

“But I don’t want to get in her pa-“

“Stop lying to yourself, Clarke. Maybe you don’t see it but we do. So sexy or slutty?”

Clarke groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, everyone (a thesis and the general life of a college senior got in the way). I sincerely hope everyone is coping well and taking care of themselves after Thursday. If you ever need to talk you can hit me up at lastlogic.tumblr.com.
> 
> Have a great day.
> 
> P.S. I'll try to get the next chapter out much sooner.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait; it's my last semester in college and I had to get my thesis done and then catch up on all the work I didn't do during the semester because of it. Now that that's over and graduation is on Sunday I'll have more time to write.
> 
> This chapter is light and hopefully that takes away from the sting of tonight's episode. I hope you guys like it :)

“Ugh! Why don’t I have any clothes?!” Lexa threw the shirt she had just yanked off her arm over her shoulder and turned away from the mirror.

“Your problem is that you have _too much_ clothes, Woods,” Anya responded from her place on Lexa’s bed. The brunette sighed pulled her long discarded t-shirt on and matched Anya’s position lying on her back, “Besides what does it matter? Just throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and you’re ready.” Lexa scoffed and looked over at the girl lying beside her. Anya narrowed her eyes and turned her head slowly, “Oh Gaia, you like her!” The blonde sat up quickly and turned to look at Lexa who was staring intently at the ceiling, “It’s about fucking time, Woods!”

Lexa’s eyes snapped to her friend, “Excuse me?”

Anya snorted, “It’s. About. Fucking. Time. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to stop that ‘love is weakness’ bullshit?”

“No one said anything about love, Anya.” She muttered, “And it’s not bullshit. 

“Yeah it’s not love but you have feelings for her and that’s what matters.” Lexa was silent. Anya nudged Lexa’s leg that was hanging off the bed until the other girl looked at her, “Hey, this is a good thing. I’m really happy for you.” After Lexa nodded she added, “Plus I like her better than that girl you had coming here a couple months ago. What was her name?”

Lexa chuckled, “Ontari?”

“Yeah, her. She was a bitch and that’s saying something coming from me.”

“True. I also didn’t like her and she’s straight anyways. I swear I’m going to write that book,” she brought her hands together in front of her face and moved them apart in an arch as she said, “The Unfortunate Adventures of Lexa Woods and Straight Girls.” She furrowed her brows, “I need to think of a better title but I’m writing the book.”

Anya laughed and re-positioned herself at Lexa’s side placing her hands behind her head. After a few moments where neither girl said anything Anya asked, “Hey, what do you know about Clarke’s friend?”

Lexa looked over at Anya, “Who? Octavia?”

“No, her other friend…not the guy.”

“Raven?” Anya nodded. “Not much really. I know she’s known Clarke since high school, that she’s a physics and math major, she works part time as a mechanic, and that she’s sleeping with Bellamy – he’s the guy you saw with them at the game.”

“Oh. Okay." 

“Why?”

Anya shrugged, “No reason. I was just wondering.” Lexa propped herself up on her elbow to look at her friend, “Your foot could replace a jackhammer right now, Anya.” The blonde scowled and stopped the errant shaking of her foot. “What aren’t you telling me?”

A few moments passed before Anya rolled her eyes and sighed, “She’s hot, okay?! But again and as always, she’s straight.”

Lexa smirked at her friend and laid down once more, “She’s not.”

“You said she’s sleeping with that guy,” Anya responded.

“I did say that but bisexuality is something that exists, Arbor. Raven had a thing for Octavia but it was unrequited and so she moved on…after a while of course.”

Oh. So are they a thing? Her and that guy?”

Lexa shrugged, “I don’t know; I’ve never asked Clarke about it.” She turned her head to look at her friend, “You can ask her at the party tonight." 

“Ha. What am I supposed to do? Go up to her and say ‘Hey, I think you’re hot but I heard that you have a thing going on and I was wondering how serious it is?’”

“Yes.”

Anya rolled her eyes, “How on earth do you get laid as often as you do?”

“First off, I haven’t had sex in like almost five months and secondly, I’m direct about it.”

“Yeah, like you’re being direct with Clarke?” Anya asked.

Lexa blushed, “Clarke is completely different. I don’t want to sleep with her…I mean, yes I do but that’s not all I want.” Lexa smiled, “I want to be there for when she’s happy and sad. I want to be able to make her smile and chase away her tears. I want to be able to hug her and hold her. I want to be there for her in every way I possibly can."

Anya reached her hand over and placed it against Lexa’s forehead, “Are you ill? Did you get a concussion earlier?” Lexa scowled and swatted her hand away. “Damn, Woods! I’ve never heard you go on like that about anyone. It kinda makes me sick.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and sat up, “Shut up and help me choose something to wear tonight.”

Anya stood and surveyed the room, “What’s the most casual thing you’ve worn around her?”

Lexa shrugged, “I don’t know.” She looked around the room, “I wore one of my Oxfords unbuttoned with a tank underneath it once.” She shrugged again.

“You’re hopeless.” 

Lexa groaned and fell backwards unto her bed once again, “I know!” She stayed quiet as Anya moved about the room muttering to herself as she sifted through the clothes that Lexa had thrown about the room and then ones she had left in the closet.

After a few minutes Anya threw her findings on the brunette who was busy on her phone, “Come on, lover girl, Clarke can wait until you’ve tried this on.”

“Don’t call me that and I wasn’t talking to Clarke,” Lexa responded looking at the clothes Anya had so graciously chosen for her.

“Whatever you say, Commander Hearteyes.” 

She threw up her middle finger at her best friend and took her shirt off. When she had popped her head out of the hole of the one she had been handed she stood up, “Luna wanted to know if you or I would be willing to DJ tonight’s party but I told her we’d be busy tonight and wouldn’t be able to make it.” She shimmied into the pair of skinny jeans Anya had chosen. “I’m almost certain that because of my wording she’s going to take it to mean we’d be busy together.” She turned around and looked at herself in the mirror. With a heavy note of sarcasm she added, “I can’t wait for everyone to think that we’re sleeping together again.”

Anya leaned against the wall and surveyed her work, “I had no problem with it. Who would? I’m hot and you’re…not too bad yourself,” the blonde responded cheekily. She dodged a pair of shorts and laughed.

“Your girlfriend had a problem with it,” Lexa said trying to decide whether or not to wear her hair in a ponytail.

“Wear it down; soft curls,” Lexa nodded and let go of her hair. “The only person who thought Quinn was my girlfriend was Quinn herself,” the two friends laughed at the memory of the girl. “Although you might want to avoid that rumor if you plan on getting with blondie.”

“Clarke.”

“Unless that’ll make her want you more then I’ll gladly start that rumor for you.”

Lexa pulled the shirt off her head, “I’ll pass on that. But I’ll let you know if I do need it.”

“Oh somebody’s feeling cocky.”

“I’m not. I just don’t want to manipulate her into liking me; if she does then great if she doesn’t then I’ll be her friend or whatever it is that she needs,” Lexa began sorting through the clothes that had been thrown around the room.

“And say she wants to be fuck buddies, would you do that?” Anya asked bending down to help Lexa in her task.

The brunette blushed and turned around to hide her face from her friend, “I respect Clarke too much –“

“I’m not asking that. I asked if you’d fuck her if she asked you to,” Anya said pointedly. 

Lexa groaned, “Anya.”

Anya laughed, “Come on, Woods. You’re telling me that if Clarke calls you up one night and tells you that she’s lonely,” Lexa sighed and closed her eyes, “And that it’s been a while since she’s been properly fucked and that she wants you to be the one who fucks her,” she exhaled heavily through her nostrils and opened her eyes to erase the images of Clarke that Anya’s words had conjured, “That you wouldn’t do it?”

Lexa threw her hands into the air and spun around to face the taller woman, “I don’t know! Maybe I would but that’s not what I’m concerned with right now! That’s not what I want,” Anya raised her hands in surrender. Lexa sat on her bed and watched her hands play with the shirt she was holding, “She checked me for injuries after the game,” she did not see Anya’s brows rise in shock, “And I can still feel her hands on my cheeks.” She looked up at her friend with a small smile, “I never realized until then how much I wanted someone to make sure I was okay after matches – I know that’s why Gary and Diane are there but I want someone that’s mine.” Lexa averted her eyes again, “I want her.” She smiled at the shirt, “I want it to be her…and that’s so cheesy and it makes me look weak –“

“Shut up! If I hear you say weak or any of its derivatives ever again I will kick you out.” She took the shirt from Lexa’s hand and placed it on a hanger as the girl let herself fall unto her back, “You’re clearly falling for this girl and that’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t make you look weak.” The brunette was silent as Anya hung up more clothes. “I think you should just go for it – you like this girl so just turn on that classic Woods charm and go get her.”

“That’s easier said than done, Anya.” She braced herself on her elbows and looked at her best friend, “I don’t know if she likes me. I know she likes me as a friend but what if this is some unrequited crush? What if I she’ll only ever see me as just a friend? What if I do tell her and our friendship implodes because she doesn’t like me like that? What if – “

“What if she says she likes you too?” Anya interjected before Lexa’s questions could continue. Lexa jolted in shock at Anya’s voice. “You focus too much on what could go wrong and not what could go right. If you sit here and give yourself a million and one hypothetical reasons not to tell her how you feel you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting not knowing what could have actually happened had you told her.”

Lexa frowned and lowered her back to the bed once more, “I hate it when you’re right.”

“Yeah well I hate cleaning up your room like I’m your mother,” Anya responded.

Lexa snorted, “You’re nothing like my mother – you’re much too nice and you actually have a heart.” Anya laughed and Lexa sat up, “I’ll make you dinner to make up for it.” 

“We both know that the only thing you can cook is mac and cheese, Woods.”

“Yeah but it’s the best mac and cheese you’ve ever tasted so….” Anya stared her down and Lexa rolled her eyes, “Fine. I’ll buy you dinner to make up for it.”

“Thank you. There’s a new Italian restaurant that just opened up in town that I wanted to try. Go get your laptop so I can see the menu.”

Lexa stood up and bowed, “Yes, Your Highness.”

“You best believe it!” Anya shouted as Lexa left the room. The girl returned a minute later and threw a bottle of water to Anya, “Thanks. Your phone was ringing just now.”

Lexa opened the laptop while reaching for her phone, “What’s the name of the restaurant?”

“Mulino’s.” She folded the last of Lexa’s shirts and came to sit by the other girl. She took the laptop from Lexa’s lap as the girl’s eyes narrowed at whatever was on her phone’s screen. “What?”

Lexa handed her the phone and her eyes quickly scanned the three messages that had come in. “She likes you.”

“That’s not what she said, Anya.”

“No but her roommates and best friends take her phone and send a message to you saying ‘Hey, I can’t wait to see you tonight’ with a wink emoji, mind you, and then she responds clarifying that she didn’t send that message but then she comes back less than a minute later, Lexa, and says, ‘Not that I’m not looking forward to seeing you tonight because I totally am’ with another wink emoji.” Anya laughed at the questioning look on her best friend’s face, “Read between the lines, Woods.” Anya rolled her eyes at Lexa’s blank expression, “Seriously, how _do_ you manage to get laid? They were talking about you – you and Clarke – or at least what Clarke feels towards you.” Anya sighed and paused for a moment before starting again, “Okay. Remember when you took that history course about Alexander Hamilton?” Lexa nodded, “And you had to read some of the letters he wrote and you came bursting into my room because, and I quote, ‘Anya, Alexander Hamilton was so fucking queer!’” Lexa laughed, “Then you explained that you had to read between the lines of his letters to that Lawrence guy – “

“Laurens,” Lexa interrupted. At the sight of Anya’s furrowed brows she added, “You said Lawrence but it’s Laurens,” Anya stared at her again. “Forget it.” She sighed, “So what you’re saying is that Clarke likes me…or at least Raven and Octavia both think that she likes me.”

“Yes! So just level up and tell the girl how you feel tonight,” Anya said running her fingers over the laptop’s touchpad to wake it. “Now let’s get some food.”

“Level up?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah, ‘man up’ is too sexist so ‘level up’ like a motherfucking Pokemon!”

“You know I didn’t watch Pokemon but okay, Anya.”

* * *

 

Anya leaned in close to Lexa as they pushed their way through the crowd that had gathered in the frat house, “Woods, these girls are so fucking hot! I’m just letting you know from now that I’m either going back home with someone who isn’t you or I’m not going home tonight.” She pulled back and smiled before shouting, “Either way I’m getting laid tonight!”

Lexa laughed and shouted back, “Good luck with that!” She looked down as her phone vibrated in her hand and smiled.

10:54pm: Hey you here yet?  
10:54pm: Just walked through the door.  
10:54pm: Great! I’m around back. Do you want me to meet you?  
10:55pm: I think I’ll come find you. See you soon!  
10:55pm: YAY!

Lexa’s smile grew wider and she grabbed Anya’s arm, “Before you go off on your great sexual adventure of twenty seventeen come say hi to Clarke and her friends.” Anya saluted and Lexa rolled her eyes before the two girls squeezed their way towards the back of the frat house.

Lexa stepped through the doorway and her ears only had a millisecond of respite from the music blasting through the speakers before they were assaulted by someone shouting her name excitedly. Before she knew it Octavia Blake was wrapped around her sporting a large grin.

Lexa leaned away slightly and patted the other girl’s back as Anya laughed behind them, “Hello, Octavia.”

The girl let her go and grabbed her hand pulling Lexa from the door and towards her friends all the while explaining to everyone she passed that ‘This is Lexa and she’s a goddess but you can’t have her.’ Lexa smiled apologetically to everyone that Octavia approached while Anya simply watched the whole thing while laughing.

They finally made it over to the group and loud cheers erupted when the three girls stopped walking, Clarke immediately stood up and made her way to the newcomers. Octavia held up her hand to get everyone quiet before dramatically clearing her throat and pointed to each girl as she said, “Lexa and Anya are here, guys!” 

Lexa felt Clarke’s hand on her bare arm as Octavia began her introductions, “Hi.” The blonde smiled up at her shyly and Lexa couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her own lips.

“Hi,” she responded. She looked the blonde up and down, “You look great, Clarke.”

The blonde blushed and pulled at her jacket, “Thanks. You look pretty great yourself.” Lexa looked down at the loose fitting white sleeveless T-shirt she was wearing, a plaid shirt tied around her waist, with a pair of dark-blue skinny jeans before waving her hand through the air. “I like your hair down,” Clarke siled shyly and reached up to push a stray lock behind Lexa’s ear. Lexa stared at her wide-eyed.

“Can’t you guys knock it off for two minutes?” Anya asked nudging Lexa with her elbow. The brunette’s head snapped towards her best friend; she wished that the backyard were poorly lit as she felt her face heat up and heard Clarke giggle beside her.

Octavia completed her introductions and Clarke led Lexa to where she had been sitting earlier between Raven and a girl introduced as Harper.

As soon as they took their seats Clarke turned her entire body towards Lexa and searched her face before asking, “Hey, do you want something to drink?” Lexa shook her head and explained how Anya had basically forced her to be the designated driver for the night. Clarke laughed at the side-eye Lexa directed to her friend who was engaged in conversation with Raven, Octavia, and a guy who she assumed was introduced while she was talking to Clarke earlier. Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s thigh before quickly removing it. She smiled apologetically before asking, “How are you feeling - muscle-wise?”

Lexa shrugged and felt the muscles in her shoulder spasm, “Sore. It’s nothing that I’m not used to after playing for almost four years.” Clarke smiled and nodded. “How are you feeling – general-wise?”

Clarke averted her eyes for the first time and fixed them on the zipper of her jacket, “I’m okay.” She sighed and slightly parted her lips, “I –“

“Clarke!” Lexa saw the girl’s shoulders fall before they looked up at the boy who had called her name. “We’re playing ‘Most Likely’ you and your really hot friend should come play.”

Lexa furrowed her brows at how she was being addressed and saw Clarke glance at her, “I’m game but _Lexa_ isn’t drinking.” She held her gaze, “Do you still want to play?” Lexa nodded and the boy whooped before heading back towards the group of friends who had moved to sit on the grass a few feet away. Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand before stopping herself and gestured towards the group instead before standing quickly. Lexa narrowed her eyes at the back of the blonde’s head before standing up and following her towards her friends who were now sitting in an almost complete circle.

They sat between the boy who had called Clarke and Anya. Bellamy clapped his hands and grinned, “Alright! It’s time for ‘Most Likely’! For the benefit of our guests I’ll explain how the game is played. So first of all this is a drinking game,” he motioned towards the bottles of alcohol and cups sitting in the middle of the circle, “But, from what I understand Lexa won’t be drinking tonight and so she’ll be having soda instead,” he directed his smile at her. He brushed his hair out of his face, “So we sit in a circle – perfect guys – and as we go around the circle each person is gonna ask a ‘most likely’ question for example: ‘Who’s most likely to send their physics teacher an anonymous Valentine’s day gift?’” He looked beside him at Raven.

Laughter erupted from the group and Raven, with her arms folded across her chest shouted, “Shut the fuck up! She was hot!” She turned to Clarke with a scowl, “I’ll never forgive you for telling them that.”

He patted her on the back before continuing, “So after the question is asked the asker counts to three and everyone points to whoever they think is most likely to do whatever the question was. You have to drink for the number of seconds that corresponds with however many people are pointing at you. So in the Raven example because we’d all be pointing at her she’d have to drink for,” he does a quick headcount, “eleven seconds.” There were nods all around the circle, “Does anyone have any questions?”

Anya looked between Lexa and the bottles of soda before raising her hand, “Hey, pretty boy! Can we get some bottles of water out here?” Bellamy nodded and called over one of his frat brothers and asked him to bring over bottles of water. Cups were filled as the boy left to get the bottles; when he returned Lexa grabbed one and the game began.

“Okay let’s start off easy, who’s most likely to work for NASA?” Octavia asked. “One. Two. Three.” All hands pointed at Raven and she grinned before realizing that’d she’d actually have to drink for eleven seconds.

The girl beside Octavia, Munroe, asked the next question, “Who’s most likely to have sex in their best friend’s bed?” Lexa looked around the circle wondering who Munroe was talking about. “One. Two. Three.” Everyone except Lexa and Anya pointed at Jasper who rolled his eyes and grunted as the boy beside him elbowed his ribs. He drank for nine seconds.

 “Who’s most likely to become our leader in a post-apocalyptic world?” Harper asked. She counted and some people pointed to Clarke while others pointed to Bellamy and Anya pointed to Lexa. All three drank, Lexa for a second, Bellamy for four, and Clarke for six.

 Raven looked around the group before asking her question, “Who’s most likely to always have a fully stocked fridge of alcohol?” After Raven had counted everyone pointed to the grinning boy beside Jasper who shrugged and drank.

 Bellamy grinned mischievously, “Who’s most likely to have a crush on someone without realizing it?” Everyone but Clarke and Lexa pointed towards the blonde.

 She looked around the circle, “What? That’s not true.” She glanced at Lexa before grumbling and drinking.

 The game continued with Miller, Monty, Jasper, Clarke, Lexa, and Anya asking questions in that order.

 By the end of the first round Clarke was more than tipsy. As she laughed at a sarcastic comment Raven made she felt Clarke leaning into her. Lexa looked over to see the blonde nuzzle her cheek into her shoulder while her very warm hand landed on Lexa’s thigh.

 Clarke pushed herself up until her lips were by Lexa’s ear, “You’re really pretty, Lexa. Thank you for coming.” Before Lexa could respond Clarke stood up shakily and walked off. The group of friends chatted drunkenly until Clarke returned. When she did Octavia continued the game. After another round everyone was drunk. Lexa looked around her to see Clarke talking animatedly with the Blake siblings, Jasper talking to girl who she had never seen before, Monty sitting in Miller’s lap as they kissed, and Harper and Munroe giggling and holding each other’s hands. She looked around the space and could find neither Raven nor Anya.

 Her eyes landed on Clarke once more. She watched as the girl laughed and grabbed at Octavia’s arm, her blonde curls bouncing with every movement. Lexa sat mesmerized by Clarke’s beauty. She remembered the feeling of Clarke’s hand on her thigh before remembering how adamant Clarke was about not touching her earlier and wondered what could have brought on the change in the girl who was usually very handsy. Something was wrong – she had known since Clarke had avoided her eyes earlier but she did not want to push the other girl into telling her whatever was on her mind. She watched as Clarke got up again and went inside the frat house. The Blakes watched Clarke leave before leaning in and whispering to each other. Lexa and Octavia’s eyes made contact when the younger girl looked up at her before quickly looking at her brother. Lexa sat alone and watched people move and interact around her. Five minutes later Clarke returned, a deep frown was etched unto her face. She looked around the space before her eyes landed on Lexa. Clarke rushed over to the brunette.

 Lexa stood up, “Are you okay?” Her hands landed on Clarke’s biceps to hold her steady.

 The blonde shook her head, “Can you take me home, please.” Lexa nodded and told Bellamy and Octavia that she and Clarke were leaving. Octavia was about to comment but changed her mind when she looked at Clarke. Clarke waved her off when she questioned what happened. Clarke wrapped herself around Lexa’s arm as the brunette led them from the backyard.

 Seven minutes later Lexa was taking the key from Clarke’s trembling hand to open the front door. Lexa helped the other girl to bed and left to get her a glass of water and aspirin while Clarke changed. When she returned Clarke was under the covers; Lexa quietly put down the glass of water and the bottle of pills on Clarke’s bedside table before backing away slowly, her eyes fixed on Clarke’s face.

 Her breath hitched when the other girl opened her eyes and she was greeted with blue. “Please don’t go.” Lexa stood still. “I need you, Lex. Stay. Please.” She nodded and made her way back to Clarke. “You can change if you want, the second drawer has sleep stuff.” Lexa nodded again and walked to the dresser. She pulled out a shirt and a pair of shorts, when she looked back Clarke had turned around to give her privacy. She quickly changed and was standing by Clarke’s bed again. The blonde peeked over her shoulder and scooted over. When Lexa was behind her Clarke turned around. “Thank you,” Lexa smiled softly at her. Clarke took one of Lexa’s hands and draped it over her waist before mimicking the position and pulling herself into the other girl. _Gaia, help me. Slow down, heart…slow down._ Clarke buried her face into Lexa’s neck and sighed. _Breathe, Lexa. Breathe!_ They held their positions for a few minutes before Clarke loosened her grip and moved away slightly. Lexa watched Clarke’s eyes roam her face before landing on her lips. “I wanted you to kiss me.” _What?!_

 Lexa’s eyebrows rose at the admission, “Clarke.”

 “I wanted you to grab me by my jacket and kiss me, Lexa.” Her eyes move up to meet Lexa’s, “But you’re so respectful and so…you and you probably only see me as a friend – probably only want me as a friend – so I knew it wouldn’t happen.” Lexa inhaled deeply as Clarke spoke. The blonde’s eyes drifted back to Lexa’s lips, “I wanted to kiss you.” Her eyes bore into the green in Lexa’s eyes, “I’m going to kiss you, Lexa.” And she did. Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed when Clarke’s lips came into contact with hers.

 Lexa’s first thought was, “ _So soft._ ” When Clarke tried to deepen the kiss the brunette pushed her away gently. With her eyes closed Lexa whispered, “You’re drunk, Clarke.”

 “But I know that I want this, Lexa.”

 Lexa sighed and opened her eyes to see the hurt creeping unto the other girl’s face, “I’m not going to lie,” Clarke bit her lip. She brought her hand up to Clarke’s face and ran her knuckles over her cheek, “I want this too. I like you, Clarke but you’re drunk and because of that right now isn’t the best time.” Clarke nodded sadly and shifted away from Lexa. Lexa flattened her palm against Clarke’s cheek, “If you don’t regret any of this in the morning then we can talk about it and take it from there, okay?” Clarke nodded and Lexa leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. “Goodnight, Clarke.”

 “Goodnight, Lexa.”

* * *

Lexa’s eyes opened to an unfamiliar ceiling and it took her a few seconds to recall the events of last night. The party. A drunk Clarke. The kiss. Clarke…. She turned her head to see an empty bed. She sat up and swung her legs off the bed. The glass and the pill bottle that she had placed on the nightstand were gone. She left the room and heard music coming from the kitchen. She smiled when she heard ‘A Whole New World’ accompanied by Clarke’s voice. She found Clarke leaning against the counter, her eyes trained on the toaster as she sang the words to the song.

 “But when I'm way up here,” Clarke jumped at the sound of Lexa’s voice and turned around grinning, “It's crystal clear that now I'm in a whole new world with you.”

 Clarke turned down the music and looked at Lexa, “You do realize that you’ve sang along to _every_ Disney song that I’ve played since we met, right?” Lexa shrugged. “What would your teammates think if they knew that, Commander?” She grabbed the toast that popped up from the toaster.

 Lexa was grateful that Clarke’s back was turned as she blushed and sat down at the island. “Aren’t you hungover?”

 “Oh, I have a _killer_ headache but I have a guest and Octavia won’t be awake anytime soon and Raven didn’t come home last night and somebody had to make breakfast so I made breakfast,” Clarke placed the toast on a plate with two strips of bacon and eggs before placing it before Lexa; she grabbed her own plate and sat beside the other girl. Lexa watched Clarke as they ate in silence.

 After a few minutes she pushed her eggs around the plate and broke the silence, “Clarke.”

 Clarke tilted her chin towards Lexa slightly and dropped her fork. She wiped her hands on her pyjama bottoms and swivelled around to face Lexa. She waited until Lexa looked up at her, “I don’t regret last night.” Lexa felt her chest constrict and she was vaguely aware of her lips parting ever so slightly; she was fully aware of Clarke’s eyes drifting towards them. Clarke’s tongue peeked through her lips, “I don’t regret any of it. I don’t regret wanting you to kiss you or wanting you to kiss me. I don’t regret telling you that. I most definitely do not regret kissing you.” She sat up straighter, “And you admitted that there’s actually something between us,” Lexa nodded, “I want to explore that. I want to see where this could go…if you’re willing.”

 Lexa reached out and grabbed Clarke’s hand that was nervously rubbing her thigh. Clarke’s eyes drifted downwards at the first contact before looking back at the other girl’s face. Lexa intertwined their fingers and took a deep breath; she saw fear and what seemed to be disappointment reflected in blue eyes. “Clarke, I’d love nothing more than for this,” she gestured between them, “ _us_ to happen…”

 “But?” Clarke pulled her hand from Lexa’s and leaned away from her.

 Lexa’s shoulders fell, “It’s not like that. I just want to make sure that you’re completely okay with this. Yes, we’ve been friends for a while but dating is a whole other step and it can be a lot sometimes and everything with your family is still so recent. I just want to make sure that this is something you can handle. I’ll be there for you no matter what your answer is. I just need to know that this won’t be too much for you right now.”

 Clarke tried to hide a smile, “You’re such a sap.” She laughed at Lexa’s narrowed eyes and grabbed her hand, “Thank you for looking out for me, Lex.” She played with Lexa’s fingers as she looked into her eyes, “I know what I can handle. Yeah, it hasn’t been very long since my dad…or the thing with my mom but I can handle this, I promise you that. I can’t promise it’ll be smooth sailing but I really want do this with you.” Lexa smiled brightly and used her free hand to cup Clarke’s cheek before gently pulling her in and pressing their lips together. This kiss was soft, not tinged with need and desperation like the one last night but with something calming and…right.

 “You two are gross,” Octavia’s voice forced them apart. Clarke and Lexa glanced at each other with blushes and small smiles. Octavia waved her hand at them, “Oh don’t stop on my account. I’m just grabbing breakfast.” She filled a plate with food and left the room with a shout of, “Way to go, Griff!”

 Clarke buried her face in her hands and groaned, “Again, for like the millionth time, I apologize for her.” Lexa laughed and pulled Clarke’s hands from her face in order to interlace the other girl’s fingers with her own. Clarke looked down at their joined hands before looking up at Lexa with a huge grin, “We should go on a date!”

 A smile slowly spread across Lexa’s face, “When?”

 “How about…Wednesday?” she asked tentatively.

 Lexa’s brows furrowed as she went through her schedule for the week, “Wednesday sounds good.” Her smile returned as Clarke squealed with joy. “What time?”

 “We can work out the details later right now I want to kiss you again.” Lexa chuckled and before the ‘Okay, Clarke’ was even out of her mouth Clarke’s lips were firmly against hers.

  _A girl could get used to this._

* * *

It was three in the afternoon before Lexa left Clarke’s apartment and she had not stopped smiling since eleven. She was happy…actually happy. A long time ago she had learned to live with the absence of her parents in her life and more recently she had put the ghost that was Costia behind her. She had Anya. She had school. She had her team. Now she has Clarke (and to a lesser extent Octavia). She had been honest when she told Anya that she would have been happy simply being Clarke’s friend. The girl was smart, funny, ambitious, and impulsive in the best way possible. Being able to call Clarke Griffin her friend would be a gift in itself but now there is the chance of more and Lexa would be lying if she said that she was not both overjoyed and terrified of what that may mean.

 As she reached the landing of her floor she saw someone with a ponytail sporting a red leather jacket turn the corner towards the elevator. Her brows furrowed, _No, that doesn’t make sense._ She unlocked her front door, threw her keys on the side table and shouted to her roommate, “Anya, I’m home!”

 She was surprised to see the other girl’s head shoot up from the couch in the living room. “Hey. How was your night?” she asked with a smirk.

 Lexa blushed and turned around to take her shoes off, hoping Anya had not seen her face, “It was good.”

 “I bet it was.” She got up and stretched, her joints popping. “Last I heard you were going home with Griffin.”

 Lexa rolled her eyes and turned to face her friend, “Something happened with her ex and she asked me to drive her home since I was the only one who was sober.”

 Anya followed her into the kitchen, “Uh huh. So…?” Lexa grabbed a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and uncorked it.

 “'So…?’ what?” Anya looked at her pointedly. “We did not sleep together, Anya,” the blonde shook her head and sighed. Lexa walked out of the kitchen and towards her room, “Well we shared her bed for the night.” As she ran into her room and locked the door she shouted, “And we kissed!”

 “What?!” Anya pounded on the door, “Woods, let me in!” She turned the knob, “Lexa come on!” Behind the door the brunette rolled her eyes before acquiescing, she stepped aside as Anya almost fell through. “Tell me everything.”

 Lexa shrugged, “There isn’t much to tell.”

 “Tell me anyways.”

 Lexa huffed and sat on her bed, “I brought her to her apartment and was about to leave when she asked me to stay so I did. While we were lying there she told me that she wanted me to kiss her and that she really wanted to kiss me so she did. I told her no but not because I didn’t want to but because she was drunk and I wouldn’t want her to regret it in the morning. She said okay and we went to bed. This morning we were having breakfast and she said she didn’t regret any of it so we kissed again and now we have a date on Wednesday.”

 “You call that nothing much?” Lexa shrugged. “This is amazing, Lex. Where are you guys going?”

 Lexa shrugged again, “We haven’t worked that out just yet.” She smiled as she pictured her morning, “I don’t remember the last time I felt this happy, Anya.”

 “What matters is that you’re happy. I’ve seen you with her and it’s great knowing you have someone who makes you smile like that again, Lex. I’m really happy for you and so proud of you.”

 Lexa blushed, “Thanks, Anya.” Once her cheeks had returned to their normal colour she raised an eyebrow, “How was your night?”

 Anya’s eyes roamed the room, “It was alright.”

 “Was that Raven I saw leaving when I got back, Arbor?” Lexa watched Anya’s eyes widen and saw the girl debate whether or not to tell the truth.

 The blonde’s shoulders fell and she rolled her eyes, “Yes.” Lexa smirked and cocked her head to the left. “I took your advice and it worked, okay?” Anya threw her hands up. “It’s nothing serious, it’s just sex and that’s all it ever will be.”

 Lexa raised her hands in defence, “Hey, I’m not saying anything and I’m definitely not judging.” Anya nodded. A grin spread across Lexa’s face, “So you took my advice….”

 Anya shrugged and leaned against the wall by the door, “Yeah. We were talking and I said fuck it and asked her what was up with her and What’s His Face she said it wasn’t anything serious just a friends with benefits thing. I asked her if she’d be down then; she said yes; we came back here and well you can guess the rest.”

 “Good on you, Anya; maybe now you can shut up about not getting any.”

 “Wow! I wasn’t aware that my pain and suffering annoyed you, Woods.”

 “I’m sure I’ve told you that it does, Arbor.”

 “Alright. See if I give you my sagely advice the next time you’re going through your pain and suffering.”

 “You know you love giving me ‘sagely advice’.”

 Anya snorted and stood straight, “We need to go grocery shopping…Raven eats a lot.”

 Lexa laughed, “I bet she did last night.” She laughed harder when Anya directed both middle fingers at her. “Alright, let me go take a shower and then we can go.” With that Anya left the room and Lexa hurriedly took her shower.

 The rest of the day passed with both girls sitting in front of the television finishing assignments with Friends on mute.

 At ten-thirty both girls called it a night and left to their separate rooms. As Lexa was climbing into bed her phone rang. A wide smile spread across her face when she saw the updated name that Clarke had given herself in Lexa’s phone, a series of the kissing emoji, and the picture of herself smirking and winking that the blonde had taken and saved as her contact photo. Lexa sat with her back to her headboard and answered the phone, her smile never faltering, “Hello, Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now. You can let me know how you feel about the chapter and the story here or at lastlogic.tumblr.com
> 
> Until next time :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. I can only apologize...and give you two chapters.
> 
> These two chapters were supposed to be one but it worked better this way.
> 
> I love you guys for sticking with this. You've waited long enough so here they are....

_January 31, 2017_

Clarke closed the door as she bit her lower lip in an attempt to control the smile that wanted to spread across her face. Actually, the smile had been in place since Lexa had picked her up for their first date and it had only grown wider as the evening passed and now here she was with a smile that she was convinced could split her face after Lexa had kissed her goodnight. She sighed and ran the tip of her tongue between her lips.

“Didn’t expect to see you back tonight,” Octavia shouted from the couch causing Clarke to jump. “I’m not talking to you, Jasper. Fuck off.” Clarke rolled her eyes as she walked into the living room to find Octavia playing Call of Duty with one cup placed over ear. “Take that you little fucker and goodbye,” she said as she killed who Clarke assumed was Jasper’s character before powering down the Xbox. Clarke sat and grabbed a handful of the M&M’s from the bowl that Octavia had placed between her thighs. “So no sexy times tonight, Clarkey?”

“Why are you like this?” Clarke asked as she dropped the blue M&M’s back into Octavia’s bowl.

“You mean a delight?” she turned her face towards the blonde and gave her a bright smile. Clarke scoffed. “But seriously, how was the date?”

Clarke’s smile returned and she leaned back as she crushed a green M&M between her thumb and index finger, “It was good.”

Octavia yanked off and threw down her headset and turned to Clarke, “Nah. That’s not a ‘good’ smile. If I can’t have Lexa I have to live vicariously through you so spill and I want every detail, Clarke.” She rolled her eyes. “Where did you go?” Octavia held up a hand and shook her head, “No. Let’s start with what was she wearing?”

Clarke chuckled, “A black tank – actually more like a muscle shirt.” Octavia moaned and Clarke laughed loudly, “I know. So yeah the muscle shirt tank top thing, skinny jeans, and a pair of black high top Chucks.”

Octavia groaned and fell against the back of the couch heavily. She turned her head to look at Clarke, “And her hair?”

“Out and so damn curly at the beginning of the night and then up in messy ponytail by the end. She put it up while we –“ Clarke stopped talking when Octavia’s index finger pressed against her lips. 

Octavia shushed her, “We’re not there yet.” Clarke shook her head before pushing Octavia’s hand away and funnelling the final pieces of her M&M’s into her mouth. “Okay. Now where did you go?”

Clarke swallowed, “We went to an arcade that’s like an hour and thirty minutes from here. Lexa said it isn’t well known and I’m not sure why not because O I swear, they have the best pizza I’ve ever tasted and they have these huge slushies. We have to go back. But anyways, so yeah we got to the arcade and had a pizza and slushie dinner; Lexa insisted it was the only time she eats unhealthily but if you ask her what she’s having for dinner on any given day she’ll say mac and cheese like that’s not unhealthy!” She changed her voice and spoke slower, “It’s not unhealthy, Clarke, there’s pasta and I added vegetables and real cheese.” She rolled her eyes and returned to her normal voice, “Sure, Lexa.” She missed the small smile that Octavia sent her way. “Back to the date. So after ‘dinner’ we went to the redemption counter and decided that we were gonna try to win a pair of water guns that they had; they were like two thousand tickets so we went to work.” Clarke grabbed more M&M’s and began picking out the blues, “So…” she opened Octavia’s hand and dropped the blue M&M’s into it. “In all of this Lexa failed to inform me that she absolutely sucks at arcade games…well most arcade games.” Octavia laughed, “No, O. I mean she _sucks_. Pinball. Skeeball. The shooting ones. We did all of those and more and got like fifty tickets and thirty-five of them were mine. It’s not her fault though; this was her first time to an arcade in her life and she only knew about it because Lincoln, that’s one of her friends, told her it would be a nice first date idea. But while she absolutely sucked at those she was so damn amazing at the virtual motocross game.” Clarke sat up and turned to face Octavia before placing her hands on the other girl’s biceps. She spoke slowly, “O. O. She was so fucking good at it. And so fucking _hot_ while doing it.” Clarke stared off into space as she recalled that part of the night. “O, picture her on a bike in what I told you she was wearing. O, I swear seeing that simultaneously killed me and gave me a reason to live. At one point she sat up on the bike and put her hair in the ponytail and Octavia Blake, those muscles, the tattoo…that image will be the death of me.” Octavia groaned again. “Like I could recognize that Lexa is attractive but damn O, she’s so fucking hot and so fucking sexy. Like damn Gaia, you did good with that one.” Clark sighed deeply, “But yeah so she rocked that one and after a couple times we had almost enough for one of the guns. So we leave that to find something else and found that basketball game and got a couple tickets from that. Admittedly most of those were because of Lexa because I was too busy watching her. Her muscles were on display again and I swear every time the ball went in she was one step closer to scoring…if you know what I mean.”

Octavia guffawed, “If she was that close why didn’t she?”

Clarke laughed and continued her account of the date, “So Lex is there getting bucket after bucket –“ her phone vibrated and she smiled knowing exactly who it was. She smiled at Lexa’s message that she got home safely. She typed a quick reply. “Yeah so she’s getting bucket after bucket and so we get a good number of tickets and we can get one of the water guns and because it was getting late we decided to get the one gun and figure out custody later.”

“Damn, y’all are married already!”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “So when we get to the counter there was this little kid there who had like maybe fifty tickets and he wanted one of the water guns and let me tell you, I saw the kid earlier and he had been working so hard to get tickets and he was so excited when he got even one ticket. So we’re standing there watching the ticket guy tell this five or six year old that he doesn’t have enough tickets for the water gun and Lexa goes up and placed the little strip of paper that says how many tickets we got on the counter and was like,” she affected the ‘Lexa voice’ again, “’Can I have a water gun, please.’ So the guy nods and goes to get one, now the little kid he looked at Lexa and was so defeated and you know how stoic Lexa can be so she probably intimidated this kid after taking the prize he wanted. So the guy comes back and hands Lex the water gun, she thanks him, goes over to the kid and gets down to his level and talks to him before giving him the water gun then the kid breaks out into a huge smile and hugs Lexa and after a few seconds she hugged him back before he ran off and she came back.” Clarke does not try to stop the smile that spreads across her face. 

“Oh my Gaia, Clarkey! She’s smart, hot, athletic, and a fucking saint. Honestly, if you fuck this up the best friend code doesn’t apply. I’m gonna swoop in and be the shoulder she can cry on.”

Clarke glared at her. She rolled her eyes, “So I kiss her cheek and pretend that I don’t see her blushing and we go to redeem the thirty-six tokens we had left. I insisted she get a hacky sack and so she did and then I got my prize with what was left.”

“What did you get?” Clarke smiled and dug into the front pocket of her pants and pulled out her prize before shoving it into Octavia’s face. The other girl pulled back to look at the small green object and furrowed her brows, “An eraser?”

Clarke nodded excitedly, “It was all we could get with what was left and when I got it Lexa was like, ‘I know it’s not the whole dinner and a movie that you were probably expecting, Clarke but I hope this date didn’t _rub_ you the wrong way.’ You should have seen her, O. She was so proud of herself for her lame pun so I kissed her.” Clarke held her eraser tightly and shook her head, “Gaia, Lexa’s so lame.”

“Sounds like you had a great night, Clarkey.”

“I did! I have no idea how I’m going to top it for our next date,” she leaned forward and rested her chin in her open palm.

“You have any ideas?”

Clarke shrugged, “Not really. I was thinking maybe a picnic at a botanical garden that I found nearby but it’s the middle of fucking winter and the ground is too damn frozen for flowers.” She fell back against the couch and groaned loudly. “Where’s Rae? She usually has good ideas about this kinda stuff. Lab?”

Octavia shook her head, “Workshop. I can Facetime her to see if she has any better ideas that what I’m coming up with; maybe she needs a break.” They both reached for their phones; Octavia mumbling about calling Bellamy later and Clarke smiling as she responded to a text from Miller. She had been disappointed not to find a follow-up text from Lexa but soon realized that the other girl was most likely completing assignments and studying for an upcoming test that she had mentioned earlier than evening. Octavia’s voice and the noise from Raven’s workshop brought her back to her present situation, “Hey, Rae. You up for a break?”

Clarke watched as Raven closed a door behind her and the room was blanketed in silence again, “What’s up, Octamus Prime?”

Octavia laughed, “I see you like the changes I made.” Raven scoffed. “Rae, Clarkey is back from her date,” she turned the camera towards Clarke who waved with a ‘Hey, Rae.”

“Dude, why are you home? I thought you’d be spending the night with Lexa…unless Lexa is there too. Is she?”

“No, Rae. I don’t know why you both think this of me!” She took the phone from Octavia, “We’ll get back to that later though. Rae, we went on this amazing date to an arcade and now I need to figure out a date that’s even half as amazing.”

“What were you thinking?” Raven asked.

“Picnic at a botanical gardens but it’s too cold for that,” Clarke responded.

“And I was thinking something like a hike but again it’s too cold and this _is_ Clarke we’re talking about.” Octavia yelped when Clarke punched her arm. Raven laughed and Clarke stared into the camera.

When she had her laughter under control Raven offered an idea, “Maya was telling me about a jazz band that’s coming to town. You could take her to see that…if she’s into that stuff.”

Clarke nodded, “She is. She’s cultured…unlike some other friends I have.”

Octavia held up her hands, “I take absolutely no offense to that. I’m aware of how uncultured I am.”

“Same, tbh.”

Clarke rolled her eyes but smiled, “That’s a great idea, Rae. You got anymore?”

“I’m sure I have some more but I can’t think of them right now. I’ll be back in about two hours; give me till then and I’ll give you a whole list.”

“Alright. Thanks, Rae!”

“You’re welcome, Griff. I accept payment in the forms of food and my chores being done for me.”

Clarke laughed, “M’kay, Rae. I’ll buy two pizza for you.”

Raven’s face lit up, “Oh shit! I’d have accepted even half a pizza. Congrats, Clarkey, you played yourself.” Clarke shook her head. “Alright I gotta go. See you guys later.” With that she ended the call and Clarke handed Octavia her phone.

Clarke looked over at Octavia who had been silent for a lot longer than was normal, “Hey, you okay?”

Octavia pursed her lips, “Do you think I did the right thing? With Raven, I mean.”

Clarke’s brows rose slowly, “What do you mean?”

Octavia ran her fingers through her hair, “I mean that I think I may have a crush on Raven and I need you to tell me that I didn’t fuck up when I told her that I didn’t like her like that.”

Clarke sighed and leaned forward with her elbows resting on her knees, “Honestly?” Octavia nodded. “I think you could have handled it better…especially when she and Bellamy started their thing.”

Octavia winced, “She told you about that.”

“Yeah and it messed her up for a while. She doesn’t need that again. You can’t put her through anything like that again so you don’t tell her about these feelings that you’ve discovered. You’re going to tamp them down until they go away like you forced her to.” Octavia nodded solemnly. “Since I’m being honest, O, I think that the only reason you’re having these feelings is because Rae’s off the market. When you had the chance and she wanted you to love her back you used her and then pushed her away and now that she and Bell had their thing and she seems happy with whatever she and Anya have you want her. It’s not fair to her. Let her be happy.”

Octavia wiped her eyes to prevent the tears from falling, “You make it sound like I’m a terrible person.”

Clarke grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together, “You’re not a terrible person, O. You’re not even a bad person. Love and emotions are just hard and stupid. You found yourself in a situation where the timing was off and you dealt with it poorly but you’re not a terrible person.” Clarke gathered the other girl into her arms and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Octavia pulled away and smiled at her friend, “Thanks, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled at her before standing and stretching, “Any time you need someone to knock some sense into you just hit me up. I’ve got Chem homework so I’ll see you later.”

“Later,” Octavia responded while running her finger down the stacks of videogames that was stored under the coffee table.

Clarke spent the next two hours working on Chemistry and Art History. As time went by the more appealing Raven’s suggestion became. She opened a new tab and searched for information on the jazz band and listened to a few of their pieces. Jazz was definitely not her thing but she knew Lexa was actually fond of it and she hoped with everything that it would make the girl anywhere close to as happy as she had felt earlier. Her phone vibrated against the books that she had propped it against. She smiled when she saw Lexa’s name.

10:21pm: Hi. I didn’t say it earlier but I had a great time today.

10:21pm: Hey Lex. I had a great time too.

10:22pm: Also my friends were under the assumption that I wouldn’t be back home tonight.

10:22pm: Oh. I’m not sure what to say to that.

10:23pm: Lol neither did I. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about our next date…

10:24pm: Oh have you? May I ask what you have planned?

10:26pm: Well you can ask but I’m not gonna tell you. It’s gonna be a surprise. But I can tell you that you’ll love it.

10:27pm: Okay, Clarke.

10:27pm: Brb. I need to ask Rae something and she just got home.

Clarke signed into her ArkU email as she shouted Raven’s name. She groaned at the seventeen unread emails in her mailbox. She deleted two from clubs that she was no longer a part of as she shouted Raven’s name again. 

The door slammed against the wall as she opened an email from the Art and Art History Department. “Can’t a bitch get some food first? Fuck!” Raven sat on Clarke’s bed and shoved the sandwich she was holding into her mouth leaving her hands free to remove her brace.

Clarke turned and looked up at her from the ground, “Did you think of anything else?”

Raven used one hand to rub her knee while the other removed the sandwich from her mouth, “I thought you liked the jazz band idea.” Clarke stared at her. “Fine. How about you guys make cupcakes or cookies or whatever it is that we queers bake?” Clarke nodded her head before turning to look at her computer screen. “Or you guys could go to one of those movie theaters that show those old silent black and white films and if it’s empty enough you guys can dub the movie.” Clarke scrolled through the email as Raven continued talking, “Or you guys could go on a dessert crawl through town.” Clarke turned to look at her again with a questioning look on her face, “It’s where you go from restaurant to restaurant and just get dessert until you’ve had from everywhere or until you can’t eat any more.” Clarke nodded and turned back to her laptop “Or –“

“Or we could do this!” Clarke exclaimed sitting up and almost shoving her laptop into Raven’s arms. She sat with a huge smile plastered on her face as Raven read the email. Raven handed the laptop back to the blonde, “Isn’t it great?”

“It sounds like it could be fun but didn’t you say that Lexa isn’t the artsy type?” Raven finished the last bite of her sandwich.

“She doesn’t think she can draw but this is extremely low-key and if she doesn’t want to contribute she can admire…she likes art after all.”

Raven shrugged, “Okay. It’s the same night as the jazz thing so you’re gonna have to make a decision soon, C. And that’s in like three days.”

Clarke frowned, “You don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“No, no. It’s a good idea. Clarke. I’m sure that she’ll enjoy whichever you choose.”

Clarke buried her face in her hands, “Ugh!” She glanced up when she heard Raven chuckle, “Are you on your phone when I’m basically in the middle of a crisis?!”

“Calm down, Clarke.” She typed a message and returned her gaze to the girl on the floor. “I asked Anya which one she thinks Lexa would prefer; she said, and I quote, ‘The jazz thing maybe but she’s so damn head over heels for Blondie that she’d let Clarke take her on the worst date imaginable and she’d still be happy.’ So take from that what you will.”

“So she thinks I should do the jazz thing too.” Clarke closed her eyes and sighed. She reopened an eye to look at Raven, “Why did she call me ‘Blondie’? She clearly knows my name! It’s easier to type my name!” Raven laughed, “I don’t like your girlfriend.”

Raven’s laughter stopped abruptly, “She’s not my girlfriend.” She stood up and grabbed her brace, “We’re just fuck buddies.” She walked out of the room and Clarke sighed knowing that she would have to apologize to the other girl. She closed her laptop and stacked the books she had been using.

After brushing her teeth and changing for bed she climbed under her blanket and grabbed her phone. She dialled the all too familiar number, “Hey, you still up?”

“Hi, Clarke. I am for now.”

Clarke smiled widely, “Great! I think I figured out our next date.”

* * *

_February 3, 2017_

Clarke stood in front of Lexa’s door and ran her palm over her shirt – for the fourth time. _You got this, Griffin._ She checked the time on her watch. _You’re seven minutes early. What if she isn’t ready? It’s Lexa, Clarke, she’s probably been ready for the past ten minutes and is sitting there waiting for you to knock on the damn door. Right._ She raised her hand and knocked on the dark green door. _One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Oh._

The door opened to reveal Anya who looked Clarke up and down before nodding once and allowing her to enter the apartment. She closed the door before she spoke, “Her meeting ran late so she isn’t ready as yet but she will be in a few minutes. You can have a seat.”

Clarke nodded. She knew Anya was nice- _ish_ but she was still just as intimidated as the first time they had met. The girl’s cheekbones, dark makeup, leather jacket, and the biker boots that she wore added to the look of indifference that her eyes always held and the perpetual scowl that she sported made her a striking figure and one that Clarke was adamant not to cross.

Anya sat in an armchair directly across from Clarke and typed a message into her phone. “Lexa knows you’re here.”

Clarke smiled, “Thanks.”

The other girl leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. “Griffin,” Clarke tensed at the use of her surname. _Oh Gaia, is this the ‘I’ll kill you if you hurt my best friend’ speech?_ “Lexa is a big girl and she can take care of herself so I’m not going to do the whole I’ll kill you if you hurt her thing. I just want you to know that she cares about you…a lot and I just want you to take care of her. You’re good for her; I don’t remember the last time I saw her so full of life. She’s taken so many hits in her life already and I don’t want this to be another one because I don’t know if she can take anymore.”

Clarke shook her head vigorously, “I would never dream of hurting her. I’d like for this thing between us to get serious and I know that that means that I’m going to inevitably hurt her but I’d never do it on purpose. I don’t think I could live with myself if I ever did that to her.”

Anya nodded, “Good.” Anya broke eye contact for the first time and picked at her jeans. She glanced up at Clarke, “Can I ask you something?”

Clarke’s brows furrowed, unused to this less intimidating side of Anya, “Uh, yeah.”

The other girl glanced up again, “Do you know why Raven hasn’t been responding to my messages lately? I mean she has but it’s like one word responses and I know she has that huge project coming up….”

_You could lie. No._ “That may be my fault.” Anya’s eyes snapped up to meet Clarke’s, the intensity had resufaced. _Shoulda lied._ “Uh yeah. So the other night I may have called you her girlfriend and I don’t think she took that too well.” Anya glared at her. “I can talk to her for you.”

“No. You’ve done enough. Is she at your apartment?” Clarke nodded and Anya stood up, walking to the kitchen while dialling what Clarke could only assume was Raven’s number. Clarke sat with her eyes glued to her hands. She had crossed Anya. _Fuck._

She had been so engrossed in her hands that she had not seen or heard Lexa leave her room. “Clarke?”

Clarke looked up at the sound of Lexa’s voice and her mouth fell open. _You’re fucked tonight, Clarkey._ Clarke cried internally because only Lexa Woods could make an oversized and tattered t-shirt and jeans shorts look _so good_. Clarke’s eyes roamed the length of Lexa’s legs as she bit her lower lip. She took a deep breath. _Gaia, help me_. Her eyes retraced her path back to Lexa’s face and found the girl smirking.

“See something you like, Griffin?” Lexa said cocking her head to the side. Clarke blushed and ducked her head. Lexa obviously decided to spare her. “Ready to go?”

Clarke nodded and stood up. “Yeah. You look great by the way but you could probably already tell that I think that.” She walked over to the other girl and kissed her cheek.

Lexa blushed and smiled, “Thank you, Clarke. You’re not too bad yourself. I like your Alice in Chains t-shirt.” She smirked, “I thought you only listened to Disney."

“Haha, Lexa. You’re so funny,” Clarke mocked. “Although I’m impressed that you know Alice in Chains, Ms. ‘I Only Listen To Classical Music’.”

Lexa laced her fingers with Clarke’s and smiled at the girl, “I never said that, Clarke. That was your own misguided assumption.” Clarke hummed and leaned up and kissed Lexa softly. “We should get going,” Lexa whispered against Clarke’s lips. The blonde nodded and pulled away. “Where did Anya go?”

Clarke rubbed the back of her neck, “She’s in the kitchen. I think I pissed her off and she may hate me.”

“What happened?”

“She asked me if I knew why Rae wasn’t responding to her messages and I told her that I called her her girlfriend and Rae got mad at me and now Anya’s mad at me.”

Lexa shook her head, “I doubt she’s mad at you.” She walked into the kitchen and returned a few minutes later. “She’s not mad at you and she says have fun.”

Clarke looked at her sceptically, “Did she really?”

Lexa smiled, “No but she really isn’t mad at you and she’ll be okay.” She grabbed Clarke’s hand again, “Come on; let’s go.”

* * *

“Would you just take the compliment, Lex?” Clarke asked while walking backwards and holding Lexa’s hand.

“I would if it were a compliment, Clarke,” Lexa scowled.

“Being called Piglet _is_ a compliment, Lexa!” she spun around and walked beside the brunette.

“No, it’s not, Clarke.” She pushed a tendril that had not made it into her bun behind her ear, “Piglet is so…aloof, fearful, and silly. I am none of those things.”

“He’s also cute and adorable, just like you,” Clarke said with a bright smile. Lexa grumbled and Clarke chuckled before kissing her cheek, “Come on, Lex. You’re not on Polis’ campus anymore; you don’t have to be The Commander. I want Lexa for this date not your alter ego.”

Lexa breathed deeply, “Okay.” She smiled when Clarke kissed her cheek again. “But I’m still taking offense to being called Piglet.”

Clarke laughed and pulled her through the doors of the building before them, “Whatever you say, darling.”

Clarke led Lexa to the stairwell and down to the basement of the building where they were greeted by five other students who were all engaged in varying stages of painting and drawing on the walls of the building. Lexa’s attention had been captured by the paintings that had already been completed and Clarke was enraptured by the awe and fascination on the girl’s face. With their fingers still intertwined they moved slowly down the hall, Lexa’s eyes transfixed on the works of art and Clarke’s on Lexa.

When they had looked at all the paintings Clarke led Lexa into a room that was lined from wall to wall with art supplies. As Clarke was grabbing the supplies they would need Lexa whispered, “Can I just watch you instead of participating?”

Clarke turned around with her brows furrowed, “Why? What’s wrong?” Lexa bit her lower lip and looked away from Clarke. The blonde dropped the bag she was using to hold the supplies and cupped Lexa’s cheeks forcing nervous green eyes back to her, “You’re intimidated, aren’t you.”

Lexa nodded, “It sounds and looks like so much fun but looking at what everyone else has done or is doing makes me feel silly for wanting to do this as well. Everything that we looked at was amazing and I know yours is going to be as well and I can’t even draw a stickman without fucking up.”

Clarke kissed her softly, “You sure you don’t want to participate?” Lexa nodded. “Not even if we go to a secluded corner where it’d be only me and you?” Lexa was about to nod but stopped herself and Clarke smiled. _That’s my girl._ “Okay, so here’s what we’ll do,” her thumbs stroked Lexa’s cheeks, “We’ll find our own place and we’ll do our own thing. Just me and you.” Lexa smiled and leaned forward to kiss Clarke again. Clarke brushed her nose against Lexa’s when they separated, pulling a smile from Lexa. “I think I know the perfect place.” Clarke dropped her hands from Lexa’s face and grabbed the bag. She grabbed a few more supplies before holding on to Lexa’s hand, “Come on.”

Clarke led them further down the hall and took two right turns before ending up in a hallway with two doors and a dead-end. She dropped the bag and Lexa’s hand and spread her hands with a huge smile, “Tada!” She pointed at the door on her left, “That’s my advisor’s office. Professor Wallace, he’s old and weird but good at what he does.” She turned to her right, “And that’s his studio. You remember earlier this year when I told you that I had spent a lot of time in the studio painting after what happened to my Dad?” Lexa nodded. “This is where I was. I had the combination for the lock last semester but not anymore. I think I told myself that I wanted to leave the feelings that I had in there behind that door so I doubt I’d ever go back in there willingly.” Lexa nodded solemnly. Clarke sighed and the sadness in her voice was replaced by a smile and a chirpy, “Anyways!” She spun around to face the wall, “Here is our canvas! Let your imagination go wild!”

The two worked in almost complete silence as they sketched their respective pieces until Lexa asked, “Music?” Clarke nodded and Lexa fished her phone from her back pocket. She swiped her finger across the screen a few times before the first notes of the song began playing.

Clarke laughed and sang along, “If there's a prize for rotten judgement I guess I've already won that.” Lexa went back to her sketch and joined in, “No man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history; been there, done that!”

Lexa stopped singing and turned to Clarke, “That’s more your line than mine.”

Clarke chuckled and rolled her eyes, “You’re saying that like you did have that thing with that boy; what’s his name again?”

Lexa sneered, “What my parents did when they were trying to convince themselves that I was straight does not count, Clarke.” The blonde hummed and Lexa hip-checked her. “I never dated Roan. I spoke to him a few days ago and it turns out he’s gay and getting married.”

Clarke stopped sketching, “You’re kidding?!” Lexa laughed and shook her head. “I’m guessing his parents weren’t too pleased with those announcements.”

Lexa snorted, “He hasn’t spoken to them since he met his fiancé and came out to them two years ago so they don’t know that he’s getting married.”

“Wow.”

Lexa chuckled, “Yeah. He seems happy so kudos to him.” She suddenly became more sombre as she stepped away from her sketch and looked at Clarke, who stopped sketching as well, “Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone that route, you know, just severe ties with them and live my life.”

Clarke sat down and pulled the brunette down beside her, “Would that have made you happy?”

Lexa sighed, “Yes and no.” Clarke nodded, “I’d be happy because all that negativity would be out of my life and I’d be free to be me without worrying but despite how shitty and judgemental my parents are I still love them and I don’t know how happy I'd be if they weren’t in my life.”

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand that was hanging limply on her knee, “Someone once told me that when it comes to things like sexuality you have to live for yourself…you have to live for your own happiness. You can’t let what your parents want for you or believe determine how happy you’re going to be in life and true happiness is you being unapologetically you.”

Lexa played with their intertwined fingers, “That’s actually really good advice.” Clarke nodded. “Who told you that?”

Clarke snorted, “Rae.” She laughed at the surprised look on Lexa’s face, “Yeah. When I was fourteen I had a crush on a girl on our soccer team, Niylah, and the only person I told was Rae. I remember we were lying on my floor one night during a sleepover and I started crying and Rae being Rae she ignored me for as long as she could but she eventually turned around and asked what was wrong and I was there heaving and sniffling my face all wet and gross and I told her that I really liked Niylah and that I was scared to admit it to even myself because I was certain that my parents would hate me and throw me out. So, fourteen-year-old Raven took her shirt and wiped my gross ass face and told me that I had to make myself happy. I told my parents two weeks later and they hugged me and told me that they loved me no matter what. I know that it isn’t the same for you but the advice is still true, Lex, it’s your life and you can’t spend it making your parents happy at your expense.” Lexa used her other hand to swipe at the tears that were threatening to fall and Clarke scrambled to kneel in front of her, “Shit. No, Lex. I didn’t mean for you to cry. Shit.”

Lexa shook her head, “You’re right; it’s just so hard to do otherwise when my whole life has been about pleasing my parents. Everything I’ve done except Costia, coming here, and playing rugby has been to please them. I’m doing a major that I have almost no interest in and I’m probably going to end up doing a job that bores the shit out of me. I have skills that I would not have pursued if it were up to me. The only consolation is that I was able to do all of that at and because of a school that they didn’t want me to attend. I’ve done so many things that are just for them. I don’t know if I can do anything else.”

“But you’ve started, Lex.” Clarke sat between the brunette’s legs and took her other hand. “You dated Costia for so long, you came here against their wishes, you also majored in Music like you wanted to, you’re your team’s captain, you’ve got those badass and beautiful tats,” she smiled, “And you’re here with me. You’ve already done so much that makes you happy and that goes against what they want.” Clarke used her fingertips to hold up Lexa’s head, “You can be happy, Lex. It’s okay to be happy.” Lexa nodded slightly before surging forward awkwardly to kiss the blonde before her. Clarke stopped the kiss to ask, “What was that for?”

Lexa shrugged and gave a small smile, “I was taking your advice and making myself happy. Kissing you makes me happy.” Clarke laughed. “Now come here so I can be happy again,” Lexa said while pulling Clarke closer to her.

The two returned to their sketches after a solid seven-minute make-out session and another ten of singing along loudly to their favourite Alice in Chains songs. Lexa finished her sketch before Clarke and sat watching the blonde draw. Clarke would occasionally throw glances and winks over her shoulder when she realized that Lexa’s eyes had strayed from the drawing on the wall to her ass. It was always a joy to catch the other girl and make her blush. When Clarke had finished she stepped back to look at her work, with a nod she grabbed the palette, paint, and brushes that she would need. Lexa stayed quite behind her but did the same. When all the colours were in their respective places Clarke stepped up to her canvas once more. Before either girl could begin Lexa placed a kiss on her cheek. Clarke smiled as she dipped her brush into the forest green she had chosen. They worked in silence that was only broken when Lexa hummed along to the songs that were playing from her phone. In forty-five minutes Lexa had finished painting and cleaning up and was once again sitting watching Clarke work. Another thirty minutes went by before Clarke dropped her brush for the final time and stepped back. She smiled when she saw the full image she had spent the last few hours working on.

She heard Lexa move behind her and smiled as she felt the brunette’s arms wrap around her waist and her chin fall on her shoulder, “It’s beautiful, Clarke.”

“Thanks,” Clarke said smiling. “I had a friend when I was younger, Wells, he was my best friend, whose family had a cabin on top of Mount Weather; we’d go there sometimes. There was this river that ran down the mountain from a volcanic spring in a secluded area we found when we were ten. We’d always run off to find it as a way to escape the pressures of being ten. We would sit on the bank of the river and talk about everything. We’d always promise that we’d grow old together and that our kids would be best friends just like we were. I was always happy there and sometimes I wish I could go back there.” She felt Lexa’s lips press against her jaw. “What about yours? It’s beautiful.”

Lexa’s head turned towards the image she had drawn, “Every Christmas since Anya and I met we’ve given each other gifts. The first year she gave me a book that’s become one of my all time favorite books. So, the world ended almost one hundred years ago but there were some survivors in space. Unfortunately for them they’re running out of oxygen so the space government decided to send one hundred teenage criminals back to Earth to see if it’s inhabitable. Turns out it was and there were people already living there. As you can imagine a war breaks out between the Sky People and the Grounders but in the midst of that they have to team up against the Mountain Men and during the course of that the Grounder commander and the leader of the Sky People meet and fall in love. Eventually the commander betrays the Sky People and the girl that she loves. Months pass and the leader of the Sky People leaves to wander the woods. She gets captured and carried to the commander. Over time they make up and fall in love all over again.”

“That’s a nice story,” Clarke interjected while running her hands over Lexa’s arms that were still around her waist.

Lexa shook her head, “The commander dies from a bullet that her advisor meant for her girlfriend. The other books in the series are shit though. Anyways, this was the cover for that book. It’s what the commander saw as the Sky People fell to Earth again, as her soulmate and the love of her life came crashing to Earth like an angel. Anya gave me the book after Costia. I read that book so many times hoping that one day the pain would leave and that I’d find someone to love again and who would love me as much as the Sky Princess loved the Grounder commander.”

Clarke spun around in Lexa’s arms and wrapped her arms around her neck before kissing her. After a minute she broke the kiss and grabbed her phone from her pocket. She snapped a quick picture of Lexa’s painting and made it the image on her lock screen. They cleaned up and returned the supplies to the room before Clarke led them out of the building once again. She checked her watch and asked, “Hungry?” Lexa nodded and she smiled, “Great! I know this great taco place!”

They began walking in the direction that Clarke had indicated, their hands swinging between them. “I had a lot of fun tonight, Clarke. Thank you.”

Clarke smiled brightly, “You’re welcome, Piglet.”

Lexa stopped walking and glared at Clarke. The blonde laughed and batted her eyelashes innocently. “Take it back, Clarke.”

“Take what back, Piglet?” Lexa retracted her hand, spun on her heels and walked in the direction they were coming from. “Lex, no!” Clarke ran and semi-tackled Lexa, wrapping her arms around the girl’s waist and pressing her cheek to Lexa’s back. “I’m sorry, Lexa. I won’t call you Piglet again.”

“You promise?”

Clarke nodded vigorously and held up three fingers so Lexa could see, “Scout’s honor.”

Lexa laughed, “You weren’t a Scout, Clarke but I’ll take it.” Clarke released her hold on the other girl and smiled widely. Lexa rolled her eyes at the sight of Clarke’s face and unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile. “Come on, Pooh Bear let’s go get tacos.”

Clarke stood still as Lexa walked ahead of her, “Why am I Pooh?!” 

* * *

“All you have to know is that it was amazing,” Clarke said unfolding her legs from underneath her.

Octavia and Raven gave each other knowing looks before Raven chimed in, “Ooooh! Clarkey got some!”

Clarke rolled her eyes and shoved Raven away from her, “I did not. We’re not rushing into anything. I’m fine with just kissing and so is Lexa and that’s as far as we’re gonna take it until she says otherwise.”

“Then what made the night so _amazing_?” Raven asked mocking Clarke.

The blonde sighed but smiled as she told them about how the night was fun and honest without going into too much detail or telling them the conversations she and Lexa shared. She did, however, show them the painting the other girl had made. Her smile grew as she reached for her phone and found the picture before handing it to her best friends. “It looks better in real life,” she tells them. “It has something to do with hoping and finding love…at least for Lexa it does. It’s so beautiful how the metallic silver clashes with black and mimics light. I even made it my lock screen.”

At that the two brunettes looked up and stared at Clarke. “Excuse me?” Raven said.

“What?” Clarke asked confused.

Raven and Octavia looked at each other incredulously before the younger girl spoke up, “You changed the lock screen picture that we worked so hard to set?”

“What? It was a picture of your faces. I literally have hundreds of those,” Clarke exclaimed.

“Well that’s what you get when you live with a certified genius and your password is your birthday,” Octavia nodded along as Raven spoke. “And that picture was unlike any other picture we’ve ever taken.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “It was special so now O and I have to take another. The two posed with the silliest faces they could pull while Clarke watched while shaking her head.

After a brief argument Raven and Octavia conceded to using the picture as Clarke’s background.

When that had been settled Clarke asked the question that had been on her mind since she stepped through the door, “Rae, how did things with you and Anya go?” Octavia excused herself at the mention of Anya’s name. 

Raven shrugged, “Fine. She came over with food and we talked about what we want and what we’re doing and about how we don’t need to or want to label whatever it is that’s happening between us then we had sex, had some more food, had sex again and then she left.”

“Okay. I’m sorry again for all the trouble.”

Raven waved her hand through the air, “It got us to sit down and talk plus got me five uh-mazing orgasms so I’d say it worked out for the best. Thanks, Griff.”

Clarke cringed, “That last part was the definition of ‘too much information’, Rae.”

Raven placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “I’m just saying the girl can fuck. She _definitely_ knows her way around pussy.”

“Shut up, Raven!” She pushed the grinning brunette’s hand off her shoulder.

“You’re just jealous that your pussy isn’t being serviced like mine is,” Raven said pointing between her legs and waggling her eyebrows.

Clarke stood up and walked to her room, “Goodnight, Raven!" 

“You know it’s true, Griffin!” Raven called before Clarke could shut her door.


	7. Chapter 7

_February 10, 2017_

For four days Clarke had only seen Octavia and Raven in passing glances. For four days Clarke had her phone on silent and ignored Lexa’s calls and messages. For four days Clarke had neglected all the work she had to do – going to classes and the assignments for said classes. For four days Clarke had not written anything to her father. For four days Clarke had not showered and had barely eaten. For four days Clarke locked her door and laid under her blanket keeping the world at bay. By the end of the first day she had run out of tears. She had spent the rest of the time sleeping and dreaming up scenarios in which her life was better – in which her father was alive and her mother was not spiralling into alcoholism, a life where she did not have to worry about Finn being around and present in her life, a life in which she did not have to worry about when she would have a breakdown and descend into a pit of isolation and darkness, a life in which she did not have to pretend to be holding it together around her friends.

Clarke groaned as she felt her body tell her to get out of bed and head to the bathroom before her bladder burst. She sat up and sung her legs over the bed to find the soft, fluffy slippers that she sometimes wore around the apartment. She reached for her glasses on the bedside table and slipped them on as she heard Raven shout at the television. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath – she was going to have to walk by Raven to get to the bathroom. She exhaled and told herself that Raven was easier to deal with than Octavia and she was grateful that the girl had left to have dinner with her brother and mother. Clarke ran her hand through her hair – well as much as she could have considering how knotted it had become in the past four days – and opened the door. She squinted at the light streaming through the windows but not before seeing Raven turn her head to look at her. The brunette said nothing as Clarke’s eyes adjusted and she shuffled out of the room and on to the bathroom. After she had finished peeing Clarke had contemplated sitting in the ground with her back to the tub for however long but was dissuaded when she realized she would have to actually interact with Raven or whoever needed to use the bathroom next. She washed her hands and avoided looking in the mirror.

Clarke opened the bathroom door quietly and took two steps out before she heard an unexpected voice, “Aw, yes! Pay up, Reyes!”

“Bullshit, Woods! You know that wouldn’t have –“ Raven stopped her sentence when she saw Clarke watching them. Lexa turned her head to see what Raven was looking at.

Clarke watched the smile fall from the other girl’s face, “Clarke?” Lexa stood up from the couch and froze. “Clarke.” She hated the way Lexa said her name – always like it was prayer, like it was something reverent and holy, like it was precious, fragile glass, like it was the most sacred and beautiful word to ever grace her lips. She loved the way Lexa said her name.

Clarke looked away from the pair and continued on her way to her room. She shut the door quickly and tried to engage the lock as silently as possible but the click rang out in the dark silence that enveloped Clarke – the same darkness that had enveloped her for the past four days. She returned to the comfort and safety of her bed and willed away the image of Lexa’s smile falling at the sight of her – _for the first time_ – she pushed away the image of those green eyes that she has fallen in love with lose the light they held when Lexa faced her. Clarke brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She squeezed them tightly as she realized that Lexa was happy without her – that as soon as she entered the scene Lexa’s happiness was drained. She furrowed her brows and tears leaked from her closed eyes. Lexa deserved better. She deserved happiness and that was not Clarke. Memories of their dates tried to push their way into the forefront of her mind but the voice that told her that Lexa – and her friends – would be better off without her in their lives fended those memories off quite effectively. Clarke did not want to die. _I’m_ not _suicidal_. She just wanted to disappear. Or to isolate herself so much and for so long that her friends would forget her and move on with their lives. It would be easier that way and no one would get hurt.

* * *

Clarke had no idea when she fell asleep but she woke up with dried tears on her face and one knee in a ridiculously uncomfortable position almost against her chest. She slowly moved her leg and grimaced at the pop it made before sitting up just enough to check the time on the watch her father had given her – she dare not check her phone. The green backlight caused her to squint as the hands told her eleven thirty-six. She turned over to lie on her back and stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes before sighing and getting up. She changed her clothes – actually she put a sweater over the tank-top she was wearing and deemed her sweatpants clean enough, grabbed a pair of gloves, and pulled her sneakers on – before grabbing her keys, phone, and earphones from the nightstand. She headed to the bathroom and once again ignored the mirror; she also ignored the memories of what happened the last time she went to the bathroom. Her next stop was the kitchen. She opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and a granola bar from Octavia’s stash on top of the fridge. When she turned around she was startled to see Lexa standing in the archway between the living room and the kitchen.

Clarke licked her dry and chapped lips, “What are you doing here, Lexa?”

Lexa glanced down before her eyes met Clarke’s again, “Raven and I ended up watching some old soccer matches and when it got too late she said I could crash on the couch.” Clarke wanted to be frustrated with Raven and with Lexa but instead she nodded. Lexa’s eyes were fixed on Clarke’s hand, “Where are you going?”

“Out.” A small part of Clarke chastised her for being so curt with the other girl but it was quickly silenced. Lexa closed her eyes and when they reopened she looked at Clarke softly. It made Clarke’s stomach roil. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you…like I’m everything to you. Like you care!”

“Clarke –“

Clarke raised her hand and cut the other girl off. She shook her head, “No. I don’t want to hear it, Lexa.” She pushed past the stunned brunette. She grabbed her jacket from the coat rack and called over her shoulder, “I won’t be back tonight.” She was out the door before Lexa even had a chance to respond. She leaned against the door and closed her eyes before releasing a ragged breath. She pushed herself off the door before making her way downstairs and to her car.

The drive to the field was quick, what with it being almost midnight. She stepped out of her car and breathed the fresh air. The cold air dried her nostrils and caused tears to spring from her eyes. She locked her car and walked through the gate while pushing her earbuds into her ears. She walked to the middle of the field and lied down with her back against the wet grass. She looked up at the stars as tears ran down the side of her face and as the music started playing. The music was supposed to be a distraction but it did not stop her from thinking about how this was the same field her father would walk around with her in his arms when she was a baby – a baby who was fussy and who would not stop crying and who was driving Abby crazy. This was the same field that she grew up playing soccer on – the field on which she scored her first of many goals and turned around to see her parents’ beaming faces. The same field on which she broke her arm at ten after being tackled by Raven in a game – the first moment of their friendship was when Raven insisted on visiting her in the hospital and giving Clarke her signed Ali Krieger jersey (which Clarke framed and hung in the living room when they moved in together). The same field on which Wells kissed her at sixteen before telling her he was leaving the state – the field on which she lost her best friend to distance. The tears flowed faster and she was surprised to hear the sob that escaped her mouth. “Was it too much to ask for? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry,” her final apology was broken as another sob left her. “I just want you back.”

Clarke had no idea how long she had been lying there crying and apologizing but when she stood she was numb. She walked back to her car and sat staring until the light from her phone, which was sitting in the cup-holder, pulled her back to reality. She looked down to see Bellamy’s face on her screen. She ignored it and it went dark only to be illuminated again a few seconds after with a picture of Lexa’s face. When it went dark again she turned her phone off but not before seeing that it was ten minutes after two. She turned the heat on and warmed herself before driving away from the field.

Twenty minutes later she pulled into the driveway and sat looking up at the house. It had been so long since Clarke had crawled into her parents’ bed during a particularly hard night. Now as she sat outside she wondered whether or not she should be allowed the comfort of her mother’s hug after what had happened between them. Eventually she left the warmth of her car and went into the house, quickly disabling the alarm system without waking her mother, and crawled into her bed.

She was awoken hours later by a knock on her door. She turned around to see her mother smiling at her, “Morning, baby. Get dressed and come downstairs, I have two surprises for you.”

Clarke nodded and sat up. She dragged her hand over her face and looked over at her clock to see ten forty-six flashing on the screen. She threw the covers off, wrapped herself in her robe and went to the bathroom to pee, wash her face, and brush her teeth. She returned to her room and got dressed. She went downstairs to find her mother in the kitchen humming and making pancakes.

She kissed her mother’s cheek and sat at the seat she had claimed as her years ago, the seat between her mother and father. Abby placed a stack of blueberry pancakes dripping with maple syrup before her, “Surprise.” Clarke smiled at her mother in thanks before cutting into the pancakes.

As Clarke was finishing the pancakes she noticed a car parked behind her mother’s in the driveway. “I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were expecting company, Mom.”

Abby smiled at her cheekily, “That’s the second surprise.” She raised her voice and called, “You can come in now!”

“Hi, Monkey,” a deep voice boomed.

Clarke furrowed her brows and spun in her seat. _It can’t be._ Her eyes lit up and she lunged from the seat and threw her arms around the man who was standing before her, “Wells!” She pulled back and looked at him, “Gaia, look at you!” She placed her hands on his biceps, “Are these muscles?” He nodded and grinned at her as she wrapped her arms around him again.

He rested his chin on her head, “It’s great to see you again, Monkey.” 

Clarke slapped his arm at the use of the nickname that she had long since outgrown, “Come sit and eat!”

Wells sat with the two women and had a blueberry pancake breakfast. He told Clarke about the interview that he had the next day that, if he got the job, would allow him to move back for at least the summer. Abby happily interjected to let Clarke know that Wells would be spending the weekend at the Griffin house.

After breakfast Abby left the two friends alone to run errands. Clarke and Wells sat with their legs in the pool while lying on ground.

“How are you doing, Clarke?” Wells asked turning his head to look at the blonde beside him.

“I’ve been better,” she answered honestly.

He sat up on his elbows, “What’s up?”

Clarke sat up completely so that he was looking at her back and not her face, “I bought Broadway tickets for my Dad’s birthday and he’s not here and life is fucked up and unfair.” He stayed quiet so she continued, “I made plans for us less than a year ago and now all of that has gone to shit. It’s so frustrating to think how little control we have over our lives. We plan and we put things in place but we have no idea what’s gonna happen even a second from now and it’s such a…a masochistic way to live. I locked myself away for the past couple days and then last night I shouted at Lexa and then drove to the Alpha’s field and came here.” She wiped the tears that were threatening to fall again.

Wells sat up and hugged her, rocking her gently, “We can go visit him if you want to. Do you think it’d make you feel better?” Clarke nodded. “Okay, we can go now or later. Your choice, Monkey.”

Clarke leaned into Wells’ embrace, “Can we go now?”

Wells nodded and stood up before helping Clarke to stand as well. As they were walking through the doors back into the house he nudged her, “Clarke, who’s Lexa?” Clarke tried to hide her smile and playfully pushed him away from her as she told her best friend about the girl that she liked. 

* * *

“Hi, Dad,” Clarke said sitting in front of her father’s headstone as Well’s placed the flowers he had stopped to buy against the grey stone that held the word ‘Griffin’ in large letters. “It’s me…and Wells.”

The boy sat beside his best friend and took her hand, “Hi, Uncle Jake. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral.” Clarke squeezed his hand when she saw a tear roll down his cheek. “I miss you so much.” He chuckled sadly, “There was no ‘Wow, Little Jaha! You’re not so little anymore!’”

Clarke laughed, “You should see him, Dad. He’s got muscles now!” Clarke leaned her head on Wells’ shoulder, “You remember that one ridiculously hot summer that I got my cast off?” Wells nodded and smiled, “And Dad decided that we just _had_ to go to the lake and he pretended that he got bitten by one of those nipping fishes and you refused to go into any body of water for the next three years." 

Wells laughed and nodded, “Yeah, until Raven pushed me in when we went to Lake Huron. I still haven’t forgiven her for that.”

Clarke shook her head, “I’m sure there are many things you haven’t forgiven Rae for.”

“That’s true. Like the time she broke the skateboard Uncle Jake and Aun’Abby bought for my birthday. Uncle Jake got it personalized and everything and Rae just had to show me ‘this cool trick I learned on YouTube, Wells’.” Clarke laughed at her friend’s impression of their childhood friend.

“I bet Dad still has that video somewhere. We should try to find it when we get back,” Clarke said trying to stifle her laughter.

Wells nodded. “Uncle Jake was the best. I remember one time he took me fishing and when I caught my first fish he treated it as though it was the best thing I ever did in my life even though the fish was no bigger than my hand,” he held up his hand for comparison.

“Do you remember that time I got in trouble – “

“Which one,” Wells joked.

Clarke shoved him and continued, “That time I got in trouble for taking the car and driving it into the Kane’s mailbox and you broke a tiny stem off Mom’s roses so you could be in trouble too and Dad let you spend the day with me as punishment?”

“That was hell. I think the worst part was having Raven mocking us with her freedom.”

Clarke laughed, “Asshole.”

When their laughter died down Wells squeezed Clarke’s thigh, “Hey, I can give you some privacy to talk to him if you want.”

She nodded and he kissed her temple before standing, “Take as long as you need.” Clarke watched him walk off between the headstones ahead of her father’s.

She reached into the bag that she had brought with her and placed a rectangular piece of paper under the flowers that Wells had put down earlier. “I…You,” Clarke sniffled and wiped away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. She took a deep breath, “I remember how excited you and Mom were when you found out that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was gonna be on Broadway so I bought tickets for the three of us to see it last weekend…on your birthday.” She looked at the ticket sitting under the flowers, “I wanted to give it to you anyways.” Clarke wiped at her eyes again, “I miss you so much, Dad. I thought I was holding it together but I’m not. I honestly thought I was doing better. I was going to classes, doing my assignments, hanging out with my friends, going to parties, I even went on two dates with Lexa but over the past week the only thing I could do was lie in bed and cry; I’m pathetic, Dad.” She squeezed her eyes shut and sobbed when she saw her father’s face, “I wish you were here.” Clarke moved the flowers and ticket and sat with her back against the headstone. She twirled the paper in her hand, “I was beating myself up over being happy because the happier I am the less I write to you and the less I think about how different everything is now that you’re gone. Wells said that you wouldn’t want me to do that to myself…that all you’ve ever wanted was for me to be happy so I shouldn’t punish myself for being happy. A part of me knows he’s right but I’m afraid that being too happy is going to make me forget you…not forget you but make me lose touch with something that I shouldn’t.” Clarke sat silently as she watched a family huddled around a headstone several plots ahead of her. They eventually wipe their tears and leave. “I just don’t want to lose what I have left of you, Dad and during this past week all I could think was that being happy was me forgetting you. It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. I couldn’t help it.” She leaned her head against the warm stone, “The logical part of me knows that me being happy only helps with the pain…that it doesn’t make me forget you and it doesn’t make me lose anything except the darkness that I’ve been holding on to ever since the accident. I just feel terrible about not mourning you enough.” Clarke picked at the grass by her shoe, “I don’t want to go about my day like everything is okay when I can’t pick up the phone to call you and tell you about something stupid someone said in class, or whatever it is Rae and O are arguing about, or just to say hi. I’m struggling, Dad. I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy; it feels great to be able to smile genuinely but I also want to not feel like I’m losing pieces of you. I read somewhere that the first thing you forget about someone is the sound of their voice and I’m so scared of that happening. I know how unlikely it is with all the home videos you made but I’m afraid to lose any part of you. Am I really asking for too much if I want you alive and here _and_ have Lexa and Anya and all the experiences that came with them?” She dropped the blades of grass that she had ripped out. “You really can’t have it all, can you?” Clarke stood and placed the flowers and ticket in their positions against the headstone and rested her hand on top, “I love you, Dad. I’ll write to you every single day until I come back.” She walked away before any more tears fell. Within seconds Wells was by her side placing a comforting arm around her shoulder.

* * *

 

“The Griffin residence seems to be more popular than I remembered.” Wells’ voice jolted Clarke awake and she looked through the windshield to see a black Camaro parked in the space that Wells’ car had previously occupied. The boy pulled up beside the car. “This is nice! Whose is it?” He looked at Clarke and she shrugged. “Whoever it is they have amazing taste.” He killed the engine and they made their way into the house to see Abby walking towards the living room with two trays of sandwiches.

She smiled at the pair, “Clarke, come on! Everyone is here…well almost everyone.” Clarke and Wells followed Abby into the living room, “Look who’s back!”

“Gaia, Clarke!” Octavia wrapped the girl in a tight hug. “Do you know how fucking worried we were? Why won’t you answer your phone?”

Clarke was too stunned by the girl’s appearance to register anyone else in the room, “It’s off.”

Octavia loosened her grip and held on to Clarke’s shoulders instead, “Don’t you ever do that again.” She pointed over her shoulder and for the first time Clarke realized that Lexa, Anya, and a guy she did not know but who looked vaguely familiar were in the room, “Do you know the trouble we had to go through to calm her down enough so she could get two hours of sleep?”

Clarke had the decency to at least be bashful at Octavia’s comment. She whispered, “Sorry.”

“Don’t tell me; tell her,” she pointed at Lexa again.

Clarke finally looked Lexa in the eyes and tilted her head. The other girl nodded and followed Clarke. Clarke grabbed her keys off the hook and held the door open for Lexa. The brunette went silently to the passenger side of Clarke’s car and slid in when the door was unlocked. Clarke took a deep breath before opening the door and taking the driver’s seat. She watched as Lexa clenched and unclenched the fist against her thigh and she dared to look into the green pools that were swirling with pain and something that resembled relief.

“Lex,” she tried to speak and her voice came out as a croak. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be; you – “

“Lexa, no. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this to you…and for shouting at you and being pissy last night. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

“You were hurting,” Lexa said softly.

Clarke looked at her unbelievingly, “Why must you be so self-sacrificing?” She saw Lexa’s brow furrow. “I hurt you, Lex. I was wrong. Yes, I was hurting but that gave me no right to take it out on you especially when all you did was care. So, I’m sorry.”

Lexa nodded, “I accept your apology, Clarke. I’m not going to say it’s okay because you’re right, it wasn’t but I understand why you did it.” Clarke opened her mouth to protest but stopped when Lexa held up her hand, “You were hurting and sometimes it’s easier to push everyone away when that’s happening.”

Clarke looked away, “It's my Dad’s birthday tomorrow. I bought tickets to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Broadway for me, him, and my Mom and I never imagined that we wouldn’t have gone to see it because he wouldn’t be here.” Clarke ran her palm over her jean-clad thigh. “It ruined me, Lex. There were plans…I made plans and they just went up in smoke,” Clarke laughed mirthlessly at the dark and unintentional pun. She stopped laughing and looked down when she felt Lexa’s hand cover hers, effectively stopping the limb’s movements. She looked into Lexa’s eyes again and whispered, “I told myself that I didn’t deserve to be happy…not when my father is…dead.” Lexa opened her mouth to respond but Clarke cut her off, “I convinced myself that the happiness I felt from being around you pulled me further away from him and so I pushed you away and shouted at you unnecessarily but you still came here.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand, “Of course I did, Clarke. I care about you. I wanted you to know that and I needed to know that you were okay.”

Tears fell from her eyes and she smiled. She shook her head at the worry that was etched on Lexa’s face, “Happy tears.” She saw the brunette relax and opened her fingers to allow Lexa’s to fall between them. “He would have loved you.”

Lexa smiled as she rubbed her thumb over Clarke’s, “I wish I could have met him.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes. “Lex?” The brunette hummed but did not open her eyes, “Did you really only get two hours of sleep last night?”

Lexa smiled wistfully, “I _may_ have asked Octavia to round-up the number.”

Clarke turned in her seat to face the other girl, “Lexa, look at me.” She opened her eyes and stared at Clarke almost intimidatingly, “How much sleep did you get?”

Lexa continued staring but gave in when she realized that Clarke had no intention of backing down. She sighed, “About an hour and fifteen minutes.”

Clarke stared at her in shock before exclaiming, “You slept for an hour and fifteen minutes!?” She shook her head, “Oh no no no no no. Alexandria Jazmin Woods, please tell me you’re joking.”

“I don’t joke, Clarke. And I was worried about you. I get can’t sleep when I worry…I get too wired.”

Clarke opened her door, “Come on; we’re going inside.” Lexa followed a mumbling Clarke through the doors of the house, past the living room where the blonde gave a passing ‘Be back soon’, and up the stairs to her bedroom. Lexa stood in the middle of the room awkwardly as Clarke continued to mumble as she riffled through her drawers. She handed Lexa a pair of shorts and a tanktop, “You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Lexa simply looked at her confused. “I’ll be outside, let me know when you’ve changed.” 

Clarke paced the hallway in front of her door as she continued to mutter to herself. A knock on her door alerted her Lexa’s presence and the blonde stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes were wide as they roved Lexa’s form. Her hair, which had been in a bun on top of her head earlier, was now parted on the left and thrown over her right shoulder and the tank top that Clarke had found showed off the perfect muscles that Lexa usually hid under shirts with sleeves and the ridiculously beautiful and elegant tattoo that Clarke has wanted to draw ever since she got glimpses of it at Lexa and Octavia’s rugby game. As an added bonus the tank top, being one that Clarke wore before puberty actually hit, was small and tight enough to show off Lexa’s cleavage and _Oh Gaia, fuck me! She isn’t wearing a bra_. The shorts, also from pre-puberty days, were _short_. Yes, they were supposed to be but Lexa’s height made them seem even shorter and Clarke felt like she spent hours travelling the length of the girl’s legs. As her eyes were making their way up Lexa’s body she scolded herself, _Use your words, Griffin_. When her eyes met Lexa’s again she breathed, “Hi.” _Not that one, genius_. She watched as Lexa smirked at her and her brain went numb. “You’re beautiful.”

The brunette smiled, “Clarke.”

“Gorgeous. Stunning. Hot. So hot. Mesmerizing. You’re like really really hot.”

Lexa laughed and held the door open for Clarke, “Thank you, Shakespeare.”

Clarke walked in and turned to face her, raking her eyes over Lexa once more, “I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes.” _Smooth_.

Lexa closed the door and leaned against it, “Much Ado About Nothing. Interesting choice.”

Clarke stalked closer to the girl who bit her lower lip, “Yeah?” Lexa nodded as Clarke crashed her lips against hers, pushing them against the door. Someone moaned and Clarke had to admit that she would not be ashamed to say it was her. Lexa’s hands came up to pull Clarke’s hair from its ponytail before they were completely hidden beneath blonde locks while Clarke’s hands fell to Lexa’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together. Lexa bit Clarke’s lip and the blonde’s hip bucked into hers causing Lexa to moan. _Fuuuuuck, Lex._ Clarke’s hands found their way under Lexa’s tank top and she gently dug into the skin at the taller girl’s hips. Clarke broke the kiss and ghosted a line from Lexa’s jaw to her neck, she smirked as she heard Lexa’s breathing become shallower. One of Lexa’s hands moved to caress Clarke’s neck while the other tightened its grip, holding Clarke’s lips against her neck; in response Clarke nipped at her pulse point, receiving a whine in return. Clarke’s fingers travelled over the smooth expanse of Lexa’s stomach, lingering for a few moments over the ridiculously impressive abs that she had only ever seen before moving further up. Lexa moaned Clarke’s name as the blonde’s fingers grazed the underside of her breast. _This is heaven_. Clarke felt Lexa’s push her chest towards her and slowly ran her thumb over Lexa’s nipple as she shifted to place her thigh between Lexa’s.

Lexa released her hold on Clarke’s hair only to pull the girl’s face up and towards her, “Bed. Now.”

“Gladly,” Clarke smiled as she pressed her lips to Lexa’s. Clarke led Lexa to the bed that she had made before she and Wells had left the house and sat on the edge. She opened her legs and held Lexa’s hips as she stood between them. She looked up at the girl’s face as she rubbed circles into the hips beneath her fingers, “Gaia, you’re beautiful. I _really_ like your hair like that.”

Lexa blushed and pushed her hair behind her ear, “Thank you, Clarke.”

Clarke beamed at her before placing her hands on Lexa’s ribs and slowly dragging her nails down the girl’s sides. Her smile turned mischievous at the breathy moan that escapes Lexa’s lips, “Now where were we?” She kissed, licked, and sucked her way around Lexa’s torso, trying, with a saint’s willpower, not to go further than the tank top that was currently bunched under Lexa’s breasts.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“Enough with the teasing.”

“Yes, Commander.” Clarke had no idea that Lexa’s eyes could be darker than they already were. She pushed Clarke’s shoulders back with just enough force to let her fall onto the bed before straddling her hips. _Oh fuck me. Please._ Clarke’s hands instinctively rested themselves on Lexa’s hips. Lexa placed her hands on either side of Clarke’s head and leaned forward, her hair falling beside and tickling Clarke’s cheek. She watched as Lexa’s eyes travelled around her face before landing on her lips. The brunette bit her own lip while slowly moving towards Clarke’s.

“Yo! Aun’Abby wants to know if you two need anything…like condoms…I already told her you guys wouldn't need lube!”

Lexa sighed and made to roll off Clarke but the blonde held her in place while she shouted at her best friend “Go away, Raven!” Lexa let her whole weight fall on Clarke and rested her chin against Clarke’s chest, her forehead falling on Clarke’s lips. Clarke kissed it softly.

“We’re just trying to be helpful! She wants you to know that she’s a cool mom.”

“Go away, Raven!”

“Alright, Woods but only because _you_ asked.”

They heard Raven shout downstairs to Abby before either of them said anything else. “I hate her.”

“No you don’t, Clarke.”

“Yes, I do.” Lexa moved her head and rested it in the crook of Clarke’s neck. “She’s always been a prick.”

She ran her fingers over Clarke’s collarbones and chuckled, “But you love her.” She smiled as Clarke traced the tattoo on her bicep.

“Not right now I don’t,” Lexa yawned as she laughed again. “You should get some sleep.”

Lexa turned Clarke’s face as much as possible so that they were looking at each other, “Look at my face, Clarke; I clearly don’t need it.”

“Haha. I thought you didn’t joke, Woods,” Clarke responded while kissing Lexa’s face. “Although you’re right; beauty sleep isn’t something you need but regular sleep is.”

“Is that your professional opinion, Doctor?” Clarke hummed and pulled Lexa’s shirt down. Lexa sat up and rested on her elbow; she looked down at Clarke, “I want this…us to work, Clarke but for that to happen you need to talk to me when things aren’t okay with you and trust that I’ll do the same. We can’t run and hide because that doesn’t help us individually and it doesn’t help us…as a couple.”

Clarke sat up as much as she could, “Is that what we are?”

Lexa shrugged, “Is that what you want us to be?”

Clarke smiled and nodded before leaning in to kiss Lexa. She pulled back abruptly, “Just for clarification, that makes you my girlfriend, right?”

Lexa laughed and pulled her closer as they kissed, “Yes, Clarke.”

When they had broken the kiss Clarke, with one hand on Lexa’s cheek, said, “I know I want us to work too so I promise that I’ll try. I can’t say that I’ll never mess up again but I can promise you that I’ll make an effort to talk to you when stuff like this happens.”

Lexa leaned forward and kissed her softly, “Thank you.” She rolled off Clarke as the kiss started becoming heated and stood, pulling Clarke up with her, “Time for you to go so I can sleep.”

“But, Lex – “ Clarke whined.

“No ‘buts’. Go downstairs so I can sleep. I’ll be down in a few hours,” she gently pushed Clarke towards the door. “Goodbye, Clarke.”

“It’s my room and you’re my girlfriend,” Clarke tried to hide her smile at that in an attempt to gain sympathy.

“Goodbye, Clarke.”

“Fine,” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek before mumbling her way through the door and down the stairs.

“Oh, she lives!” Octavia exclaimed as Clarke entered the room. “Where’s Lexa?”

Clarke squeezed her way onto the couch that Wells, Raven, and Anya were already sitting on. “She’s sleeping.”

“Damn, Griff! You knocked her out!” Raven said while holding up her hand for a high-five; Anya rolled her eyes and pulled the girl’s hand down.

“Who’s Clarke knocking out?” Bellamy asked walking in from the kitchen.

“Bell!” Clarke jumped up and hugged him. “When did you get here?”

He pointed his sandwich at Raven, “I came with this one about thirty minutes ago.” He bit into his sandwich, “How are you doing?”

Clarke nodded, “Better.” He nodded as well and hugged her again.

The next two and a half hours passed with the group playing video games, talking, and laughing at jokes at Clarke’s expense. After Raven and Wells had laughed their way through a story about Clarke, Abby disappeared.

“See this is why I appreciate Lincoln,” the man looked at the blonde and gave a small smile. “He doesn’t make fun of me like the rest of you.” She leaned over and rested her hand on his shoulder, “You are my one true friend, Lincoln; not like these posers.”

“Thank you?” Lincoln said, completely unsure of how he got dragged into the conversation.

“This is the thanks we get, Wells,” Raven said playfully shoving the him, effectively jostling his controller and allowing her to pass him in the Formula 1 game they were playing. He scowled at her. “We’ve been her friends for years and she calls the guy she met a few hours ago her one true friend.” Wells laughed and she placed her hand over her heart, “I can’t believe she’d do this to us after all we’ve done for her.”

“Fake. Friend,” Wells responded. 

“All you’ve done for me? Raven, you broke my arm and almost broke my leg!” Wells laughed. “And you,” she pointed at Wells, “made me think that you’re the one who killed Fish the Hamster for two years!”

“That was for the greater good!” he argued.

“Fish the Hamster?” Anya asked.

Raven nodded, “Most kids have an emo stage but our dear Clarke went through a stage where all her pets were named ‘Fish’. There was Fish the Hamster, Fish the Dog, and Fish the Fish.”

The group burst out laughing and Clarke rolled off the seat she was stretched across ungracefully, “I don’t need this.” Clarke went into the kitchen as they called to her to come back. She threw her middle finger up at them and went to eat some of the grapes that her mom had bought earlier. She returned to the living room after five minutes to find Lexa sitting where she had been earlier and Raven telling her about the Fishes. Lexa burst out laughing but tried to hide it when she saw Clarke. She bit her lip but could not stop the snickers. Clarke shook her head, “I expected better of my girlfriend.” Lexa smiled at her apologetically.

“Girlfriend?” Octavia and Raven blurted out at the same time.

Clarke shrugged and smiled before climbing into the couch behind Lexa. Clarke hugged her form behind and smiled when Lexa leaned into her. “Hi.”

Lexa turned her head slightly and smiled, “Hi.”

“So we aren’t gonna talk about the girlfriend thing?” Raven asked passing the controller over to Bellamy after finishing behind Wells.

“Raven, leave them alone.”

“But, An, this is big! This is huge,” she stood up and gestured dramatically at the two girls on the loveseat. Anya sighed before pulling Raven down beside her and placing her hand on Raven’s thigh with a glare.

“I found them!” Abby exclaimed as she entered the room with a huge smile on her face.

Clarke turned around to see her mother with a very familiar shoebox labelled ‘Clarke 0-13’ in her father’s handwriting. She scrambled to sit up properly, “Mom, no.”

Abby smiled, “Hi, Lexa. Did you sleep well?”

Lexa nodded with a small smile, “I did, Mrs. Griffin. Thanks for asking.”

Clarke hopped over the back of the couch, “Mom, please. Don’t do this.”

Abby handed Lincoln the box and told him to lift it above his head, “Thank you, Lincoln.”

“Mom!” Clarke turned her attention to the man who looked at her apologetically and mouthed ‘sorry’. Clarke huffed and went back to sitting behind Lexa. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” Lincoln handed the box back to Abby. She took a plastic CD case out and Raven jumped up to help as Wells and Bellamy ended their game early.

“Clarke was such a cute baby,” Raven said placing the CD into the DVD player.

“I’m still cute,” Clarke mumbled, her words muffled as she hid her face in the back of Lexa’s neck. Lexa chuckled and ran her hand up and down Clarke’s thigh.

Raven scoffed, “Okay, Clarke.” She grabbed the remote and offered Abby her seat between Wells and Anya, opting to sit beside Anya on the arm of the couch. Octavia had migrated to beside Lincoln as they had been engaged in conversation since Octavia gave up the controller to Wells.

After a few moments of silence the home movie started and Clarke looked up at the sound of her father’s voice, “Happy birthday, Clarke.” The darkness on the screen was interrupted by the image of a younger Abby in a hospital bed with a newborn in her arms. “Hi, sweetheart,” Jake’s voice came through again. He leaned forward and kissed his wife before focusing on the baby again, “Welcome to the world, Clarke. I’ve been waiting so long to meet you.” The baby seemed to smile at his voice and Jake got excited, “She smiled at me Abs!”

Abby chuckled tiredly, “No she didn’t, Jake.”

“Look, I can make her do it again,” he said before trying to engage baby Clarke in conversation. Unfortunately she did not ‘smile’ at him again.

The video cut to black before showing a darkened room that Clarke recognized as the room upstairs that she still called her own. There was just enough light in the room to make out Jake sitting in the rocking chair that Abby had insisted they buy telling Clarke a story. When he had finished the story he spoke to her softly, “You are everything to me. I love you with every single fiber of my being and I know you haven’t done anything yet except sleep, eat, cry, and poop but I’m so proud to be your Dad and I’m even more proud to be able to call you my daughter. You are without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I will tell you that every single day from now until I die.” Lexa felt Clarke’s hand grab at hers at that and she held her girlfriend’s hand tightly while rubbing circles on the back of her hand with her thumb. “Everything I have is yours and every single day of my life is dedicated to making sure that you are happy and cared for. I don’t expect to be the perfect father and to never make mistakes but I promise that I’ll be there to listen when you need to talk, to hold your hand until you’re ready to let go, and to catch you when you fall. You are my beautiful ray of sunshine and I promise to always love you unconditionally.”

The video went to black once more and Lexa turned slightly to cup Clarke’s cheek and whispered, “You okay?” Clarke wiped at her eyes and nodded. Lexa gently pulled her face closer and kissed her forehead softly while stroking her cheek. The next image popped up on the screen, a naked baby Clarke screaming and kicking her feet as Abby tried to change her diaper. Clarke wiped her eyes again and shifted so that she could rest her head on Lexa’s shoulder while keeping their hands intertwined.

As the videos went on and Clarke grew, friends came in and out of the picture, the most prominent being Wells. After Clarke had turned three he was in almost every video that was shot. There were videos of the two in the Griffins’ backyard, at the playground, at birthday parties, at the table in the kitchen behind them, and on their first day of school.

Lexa smiled and squeezed Clarke’s hand when Jake focused on a brightly smiling Clarke, a front tooth missing, dressed in her uniform with her light blue Cinderella backpack and lunchbox.

“You ready for school, Monkey?” Jake asked and Clarke nodded her head vigorously, the smile never leaving her face. “What’re you gonna learn today?”

“What comes after fifty!” Clarke said proudly.

“Alright!” Jake said, his hand raised for a high-five which Clarke gave him enthusiastically. The camera panned up and towards the door of the house, “Mom’s ready. Time to get in, Monkey.” Clarke opened the door and climbed into her child seat. Jake laughed and took the backpack from her and buckled her into her seat.

Five-year-old Clarke pushed blonde curls out of her face, “Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome, baby.” Jake closed Clarke’s door before holding Abby’s open and handing her the camera.

“Mommy?” five-year-old Clarke called.

“Yes, Clarke?”

“Am I in the same class as Wells?” Clarke asked while swinging her feet.

“We’ll see when we get to school, darling. But if you’re not you can see him during breaks and you can make more friends. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Alright! Time to go!” Jake said as he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. The drive to Clarke’s school was filled with Clarke asking questions about her new school while her parents tried to answer as best as they could.

After a few minutes the family pulled up to the school, Alpha Academy, and Abby exited the vehicle to let Clarke out. Abby set Clarke on the ground and the little girl looked up in wonderment at the building that stood before her. Off-screen a voice called Clarke’s name and the video moved to show Wells waving at Clarke. In seconds Clarke was in the picture, running towards the boy. She wrapped her arms around him and he did the same. Abby and Jake walked over to the duo and greeted Wells’ father.

Jake stooped to Clarke and Wells’ level, “Hey there, buddy. You ready for your first day of school?” The boy shrugged. “You aren’t excited? I bet you’ll be by the time school starts, right Clarke?”

The girl nodded her head and grabbed Wells’ hand, “Come on, Wells. Mommy said we’re maybe in the same class.” She led the boy off as the adults watched and followed.

Adult Wells laughed, “How many times did you see that, Aun’Abby? Clarke leading me off on some great adventure.”

Abby laughed, “Too many times and most of those times you two would end up in trouble or just barely make it out of trouble.”

The videos continued as the two friends grew older. More birthdays passed and more family trips. So many of the videos became about the activities that Clarke and Wells had become involved in during their time at school. Clarke took up soccer, chess, and Art Club while Wells focused on chess and the Science Club; both maintained their place as honours students throughout.

“Hey, here comes the best part!” Raven said excitedly as the camera zoomed into ten-year-old Clarke on a soccer field.

“Best part? You broke my arm!” Clarke retorted, shooting her an incredulous look.

“I wasn’t talking about that I was talking about my presence, Clarke.”

This part of the video had been edited to show only the most important aspects of the game, like Clarke’s goal and Raven’s tackle that left tears streaming down Clarke’s face as she held in her screams and sobs. The video cut with Raven kneeling beside Clarke while telling her sorry.

“Damn! Who knew I could get cuter than I already was,” Raven said and grinned when multiple groans were heard from around the room.

“Who knew you could get cockier than you already were?” Wells responded.

“Damn right,” Raven said proudly.

The video came back to life to show Clarke sitting on a hospital bed as a male doctor finished placing a bright blue cast on her arm. “There you go, Clarke,” he smiled at her and ruffled her hair. 

“Thank you, Jackson.” She smiled up at him, the tear-tracks still visible on her face.

“How’re you feeling, Monkey?” Jake asked from behind the camera.

“I’m okay. It hurts though,” Clarke answered while examining the cast on her arm.

“Yeah, that might happen for a little bit,” Jackson said as he gathered his things. “I’m gonna let your mom know that we’re done,” he gave Clarke a high-five and left the room.

Jake kissed his daughter’s forehead, “You were a champ out there today, Clarkey.”

“Yeah but now I can’t finish the season and it’s my last with this team,” the tears came to Clarke’s eyes again and Jake set the camera down.

He jumped up beside Clarke and carefully pulled her into his lap, “I can only imagine how much this sucks for you, darling. But no matter what remember that you finished this season with a bang and that you’ll be back at Alpha next year with a lot of the same kids. Yeah, it isn’t elementary anymore but I’m sure almost everyone is coming back and you’ll be able to play with almost the same team and rock every season that you play. Okay?”

Clarke nodded against his chest, “But I can’t practice until then.” 

“Says who? You can practice with me and Wells in the backyard until Mom tells us that it’s not a good idea and then we’ll do it when she’s out.”

This got a laugh out of Clarke, “Wells would rat us out in a heartbeat.”

“Hey!” Adult Wells shouted and Abby jostled his shoulder.

When Jake’s laughter stopped he wiped Clarke’s tears and gently tapped her cast, “We’ll make sure you’re ready for next season even with this little thing.”

“Clarke?” Abby entered the room. “How are you, baby?”

Abby brushed Clarke’s hair from her face, “It hurts a little, Jackson said that would happen but I’m okay.”

Abby kissed Clarke’s forehead and placed her hand on Jake’s shoulder, “Okay, darling. You think you up for a few visitors?”

Clarke nodded, “Is it Wells?” Abby laughed and held the door open. “Wells!”

The boy rushed to Clarke’s side, “Are you okay?”

Clarke smiled and nodded, “Yeah and I got this really cool cast. Dad said that he’d draw on it when we get home and that everyone can sign it when we go to school on Monday but you can sign it first cause you’re my best friend.”

“Awwww,” Lexa whispered while leaning into Clarke. The blonde rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist.

The boy smiled brightly and then his smile fell, “Does it hurt?”

“A little but not as much as before,” Clarke responded while swinging her feet.

“Can I touch it?” he looked around at the adults who nodded. Wells shot his hand out towards the cast and his eyes widened in amazement.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse poked his head into the room, “Hi, Clarke,” the girl waved to the man. “Doctor Griffin, there’s someone here who’d like to speak with you.”

“Thank you, Cas.” Abby squeezed Jake’s hand before leaving the room. She returned a few minutes later, “Clarke, there’s someone else here to see you.” Clarke looked confused but nodded.

Ten-year-old Raven, still in her team’s uniform, walked into the room shyly and stood in front of Clarke. She held a red-and-white-stripped shirt behind her back. She held up her head and spoke confidently, “I’m sorry for breaking your arm, Clarke. I didn’t mean to and I…” she trailed off and shoved the shirt towards Clarke.

The blonde’s eyes bulged when she saw the shirt, “I accept your apology, Reyes but I can’t take your shirt.”

“Raven,” Clarke looked even more confused, “my name,” Raven clarified. “Take it. It’s the only thing I have that I could think of to give you.”

Clarke looked at her parents and they nodded. Clarke took the shirt from Raven and laid it across her lap. She gasped when she looked at the shirt closely. “Raven I can’t. This is priceless. It’s signed and everything.” Clarke traced her finger over the signature under the number ‘11’ emblazoned on the middle of the shirt.

“I want you to have it. I’m not going home with it, Clarke,” Raven said adamantly. Clarke jumped down from the bed and used her good arm to hug Raven who stood awkwardly in Clarke’s embrace.

“Wow! Who knew you could be nice, Rae,” Octavia said from beside Lincoln. Raven discreetly threw up her middle finger at the girl sitting on the floor.

“Look how awkward you were though, Rae,” Bellamy joined in and pointed at the shot that Abby had stopped on.

“Were? She’s _still_ awkward,” Anya added from beside the brunette.

Raven turned her head slowly to look at the stoic blonde beside her, “I trusted you.”

“Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it,” Clarke called from behind Lexa.

“I pre-emptively broke your arm for that comment, Griffin,” Raven said, directing another middle finger towards her other roommate. “You’re lucky I love Aun’Abby and that I’m kinda afraid of your girlfriend or I’d break your arm again.”

“Wow! Violent much,” Clarke said grinning from behind her aforementioned girlfriend.

The two girls continued bickering back and forth for a few minutes, they only stopped when Lexa and Anya dragged them away from each other and distracted them.

Abby stood up and grabbed her phone, “I’m ordering pizza. I know it’s cheese for Wells, bacon and pineapples for Raven and Clarke, what do the rest of you want?”

“Buffalo chicken,” Octavia called.

“Same,” her brother answered.

“Pepperoni and hot sauce for me and Anya, Mrs. Griffin,” Lexa responded.

“Olives and green peppers, please,” Lincoln added.

“Alright, I’ll get right on that,” Abby said leaving the room.

“Damn! It got dark real quick,” Bellamy exclaimed looking out the window.

That got Clarke’s attention and she nuzzled her face in Lexa’s neck, “Do you have to go back to Polis tonight?" 

“That was the plan. I haven’t started any of my assignments for this coming week,” Lexa responded while running her hands along Clarke’s arms that were still wrapped around her waist.

Clarke pouted and whined, “I want you to stay.”

“Would your mom be okay with that?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah,” Clarke attached her lips to Lexa’s neck and gently sucked and nibbled at her skin. She stopped to ask, “Why did you change? Not that you’re not hot in this too but damn you looked good in my clothes.”

“Would you have wanted everyone to see me like that?” Lexa asked, her mind barely focusing as Clarke returned to what she had been doing before.

Clarke stopped again, “Good point. This is why you’re the smart one.”

“You’re plenty smart, Clarke,” Lexa replied breathlessly.

“For Gaia’s sake, could you two do that somewhere else?” Raven shouted while covering her eyes. She poked Anya’s arm, “Go get your best friend.” Anya sighed and stood up. She grabbed Raven’s arm and dragged her out of the room. “Hey!”

Abby returned, “Alright, pizza’s on its way.” She looked around the room, “Do you guys plan on staying?”

“I’m defs staying,” Octavia said. Bellamy nodded his agreement. 

“I’ll have to check with Anya but I don’t have anything or anyone to go home to so I don’t see why not,” Lincoln responded.

Clarke squeezed Lexa gently, “Everyone else is staying.”

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek.

“Great!” Abby exclaimed with a smile. “Between me and Clarke I’m sure we can find something for everyone,” she looked over at Lincoln, “Well almost everyone. Sorry Lincoln.”

“It’s okay, Mrs. Griffin. If there’s one thing my Uncle Gustus taught me it was to always travel with comfortable clothes because you never know where you’ll spend the night.” 

Abby nodded, “Wise words.” She turned to her daughter, “Clarke, let Lexa go and come help me find sleeping bags and clothes for everyone.”

“Coming, Mom,” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek again and left her very comfortable position.

“Oh, Wells,” she handed him a few bills, “For the pizza. That’s enough for the pizzas and tip.” 

He took the money, “’Kay, Aun’Abby.”

Clarke followed her mother to the basement.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen those videos, huh?” Clarke said, turning the light on. 

Abby followed Clarke down the stairs, “Yeah. Wells and Raven talking about how you tried to con Mrs. Kane out of her precious bonsai tree so you could use it in your science project made me remember the videos.” She was quiet for a second. “I didn’t know what to expect…watching them without Dad here.” She shook her head, “That’s not true, I expected to be sad; that I’d have to leave the room and yes, I was sad but it also made me happy to hear his voice again…on something other than the last voicemail he left me.” Abby stood staring blankly at the wall. “I miss him so much.”

Clarke hugged her mother from behind, “I miss him too, Mom.”

Abby sighed and leaned back into Clarke’s embrace, “I never asked what happened this weekend. Are you okay?”

Clarke held on tighter, “I wasn’t until I got back and everyone was here. I…I had bought tickets for us…all of us to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Broadway because I know how much you and Dad wanted to see it. We were supposed to go tomorrow as a way to celebrate his birthday. I kinda shut down when I realized that that wasn’t going to happen and I stormed out after shouting at Lexa last night. I turned my phone off and went to Alpha Field and then came here.” Abby stroked her arm. “It was terrible, Mom. Being in that hole…the darkness and knowing that I had to get out of it but not being able to.” She felt tears leak from her eyes. “It’s so unfair. It’s unfair.” Abby turned around and embraced her daughter while stroking her hair.

They stood like that for a few minutes before Abby gently patted Clarke’s back when she had stopped crying, “We should find those sleeping bags.” Clarke nodded. When they had found the first two Abby nudged Clarke, “So you and Lexa.”

Clarke struggled not to blush, “What about me and Lexa?”

“You two are a lot closer than the last time I saw you together,” Abby said, throwing a box aside.

Clarke smiled, “Yeah. A lot has happened since then. We went on a couple dates and as of four and half hours ago she’s officially my girlfriend so yeah.”

Abby leaned against a wall and smiled, “Good. She’s good for you. I haven’t seen you this happy in a while. It’s nice seeing you smile again.” Abby walked towards a group of boxes and dragged the third sleeping bag from behind them, “She’s definitely an improvement from that guy you dated last year.”

Clarke laughed, “You didn’t like Finn from day one, Mom.” 

“With good reason. I know a bad apple when I see one and that boy was a bad apple.”

“And Lexa isn’t?”

“No. Lexa is an angel; she’s a very good apple.”

“Should I step aside and let you date her, Mom?”

“Funny, Clarke. You best hold on to that one though.”

“I’ll try my best,” Clarke said while pulling out the box that held another sleeping bag. “I think that’s all of them. Wells and Bellamy said they’d take the couches.” 

“Don’t we need one more?” Abby asked, counting the number of people on her fingers.

Clarke shook her head, “Lexa and I can share one,” she did not miss the sly smile that crossed her mother’s face, “Raven and Anya can share another,” Abby’s eyebrows rose in surprise, “Wells and Bell are taking the couches so that leaves one for O and Lincoln each. Four.”

“Alright,” Abby dropped one of the others in the box and grabbed the other two. She began walking up the stairs. “You kids are growing up too fast.”

They dropped the bags in the living room as the doorbell rang. Octavia jumped up and grabbed the money from where Wells had placed it on the coffee table, “Pizza’s here!” She slid into the hall and into Raven and Anya, forcing the two to release the other’s hand. She mumbled, “Sorry,” and walked the rest of the way to the door.

Raven looked to Clarke who shrugged. The blonde turned to the group, “Sleeping bags are here. There are there big ones and a small one. The small one is O’s.”

“That’s not enough for all of us,” Anya said.

“I was thinking that Lexa and I would share and so would you two,” Clarke said, looking from the two girls to Lexa.

Raven wrapped her arms around Anya, “You don’t want to share with me? It wouldn’t be the first time.” Octavia had returned with the boxes of pizza and dropped them heavily on the coffee table when Raven said that.

Anya pried Raven’s arms from around her, “Yeah, okay.”

“Great!” Clarke said nodding. “I’m gonna get some clothes for everyone.”

Clarke left the group and went to her room first. She stood in the middle of the room before walking over to the bed that Lexa had remade. _Of course she did_. She sat and looked around the room; her eyes landed on a picture that featured her and her parents in matching Christmas sweaters with Abby watching fondly as Jake tickled their daughter, Clarke’s toothless grin was front and center. She doubled over and blindly searched for one of the papers and pens that she always kept under her beds. When she had found one of each wrote a simple message:

_Hi Dad,_

_Thank you. Thank you for bringing these people into my life. I know it wasn’t under the best circumstances but because of it I can say with certainty that I know that there’s someone who’ll catch me when I fall…like you did – only this time it’s a whole group that I love and who care about me. Maybe something good did come out of all of this. I love you and happy birthday._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go...for now. I hope you liked it. You can leave any comments below and feel free to hit me up at lastlogic.tumblr.com to leave any other comments or chastise me for how long these updates take. Until next time!


	8. Chapter 8

_February 13, 2017_

Lexa paused the video she was watching when she felt her phone vibrate against her leg. She tilted the computer’s screen down and grabbed the phone from behind it. She was surprised to see a text from Octavia.

10:23pm: Hi Lexa. I was wondering if you would be busy tomorrow at around 7?

10:23pm: It’s Octavia Blake

10:24pm: Hi, Octavia. I should have some time between practice and a 9pm meeting that I have. Why?

10:25pm: I have a favor to ask you can say no if you want to

10:26pm: Okay…

10:28pm: So our kicker got injured in practice today and our coach said I’d have to fill in for them on Saturday and while I have kicked before I’m kinda shit at it. I know you’re the kicker for your team and I was wondering if you’d be able to give me any pointers. You can say no if you want I won’t hold it against you.

10:30pm: Okay, no problem. You know how to find our field, right?

10:31pm: Really?????? :D oh gaia Lexa thank you so much. Yeah I do

10:32pm: Great. You can meet me there at 7. Bring a couple balls with you; I’ll try to get some as well.

10:33pm: I’ll be there. Thanks again Lexa

10:33pm: Don’t mention it. See you tomorrow.

Lexa smiled to herself and returned to her video.

* * *

“You’re early,” Lexa observed as Octavia dropped her bags and her body on the field.

The younger girl pulled her sneakers off and looked up, squinting at the mostly set sun, “Yeah. I figured the earlier I got here the more time I’d have to get this right.” She fished her cleats from her bag, “Thanks again for doing this.”

Lexa nodded, “You’re playing Mt. Weather this weekend, right?”

Octavia nodded and tied her laces before accepting Lexa’s help to stand, “Yeah. They basically decimated us last year so we’re out for blood this year.” She opened the bigger bag that was lying beside her backpack and dumped the contents at their feet. “What about you guys?”

“Azgeda. We have Mt. Weather next week,” Lexa said while adding Octavia’s balls to the ones she had kept after practice.

Octavia shook her head, “That sounds like the line-up from hell. Azgeda and Mt. Weather back-to-back? That’s…that’s a fucking bitch. Good luck.”

“Thanks,” Lexa said as she caught the tee that Octavia threw at her. “We can usually handle Azgeda but Mt. Weather always proves to be a challenge; every time with think we have their calls and plays down they surprise us with something else and just rip through our defense.”

Octavia snorts, “I know exactly what you mean. Our hooker, Monroe, she was certain she got one of their calls down – one of the one with the numbers – but then they made the same play without the numbers and it was confusion. That game was a bloody massacre so we’re trying to minimize the bloodbath this season by at least getting our conversions and free kicks in but Gina’s out so it’s up to me and I can’t do this without you, Lexa so thank you again.”

Lexa nodded, “Don’t mention it.” She looked up at the posts and tossed the tee away from where they were standing, “You said you’ve kicked before, right?” Octavia nodded and grabbed one of the balls, setting it on the tee. “Good, so you know the basics. We can start with something fairly simple,” she motioned between the ball and the posts with her index finger, “Straight down the center. No need for any spins or curves just an easy kick.”

Octavia nodded once again and adjusted the ball before taking three long steps back. She looked between the ball and the posts for a few seconds before she ran up and kicked the ball with a grunt. Both girls watched as the ball skimmed just above the crossbar and through the posts. “How was that?”

Lexa picked up a ball and placed it on the tee, “Could be better. Instead of kicking with the top of your foot you should try kicking with your instep; you get the same amount of power and you also get some height. Watch my foot.” Lexa took five steps back and one to the left before looking at the posts and then focusing on the ball. She ran up slowly and smiled as her foot connected with the ball. Her smile did not fade as she watched the ball sail through the sky and through the upright posts. She mentally gave herself a high-five and turned her attention back to Octavia. The younger girl looked eager as she grabbed another ball. “Try it slowly. Start by running up slowly and getting used to the change and the position of your foot. You’re still gonna try to hit about a third of the way up.”

Octavia placed her ball on the tee before following Lexa’s lead and taking five steps back and one to the left. She made her run up, slower this time as Lexa instructed, and tried to position her foot to allow her instep to kick the ball. She looked over at the girl standing beside her, “It feels weird.”

“What part of it?”

“The run up mainly. The kicking is only slightly weird because I have to tell myself to not do what I’m used to.”

“You don’t have to go back as far as I do; work with what’s best for you. You used three in your original run up. Try from that distance and see how it feels.”

“Okay.” Octavia counted her three steps and took one to the left. She ran up and kicked the ball, watching as it made its way easily through the posts. She threw her fists into the air, a huge smile gracing her face, and turned to Lexa, “Did you see that?” Lexa chuckled and nodded. “That was perfect!”

Lexa gently kicked a few more balls towards the younger girl, “Do that again three more times and then we can move on.” Octavia nodded and placed another ball on the tee. Lexa watched as the girl placed three almost perfect kicks through the posts. “Go get those and when you come back we can practice kicks from the left.” Lexa re-positioned the tee and the remaining balls as the other girl jogged towards the end of the pitch.

“Hey, Lexa! Heads up,” Octavia called before kicking one of the six balls around her. Lexa positioned herself under the incoming ball and caught it. “That was sweet!” Lexa laughed along with the other girl and caught all but one of the balls that she kicked.

When she returned Lexa walked her through the steps to kicking a conversion that was placed to the left of the uprights. Octavia struggled with the first two kicks before barely sending the third through the posts. Lexa stood fascinated by how intense Octavia looked. Gone was the sparkle in her eyes and the soft smile that she usually wore, instead her eyes held a fire and the lines across her forehead and her set jaw told her determination. She did not cheer when she got a fourth ball through almost perfectly; she quickly turned around and grabbed another ball, putting it through with more ease that the ones before. Without any prompting from Lexa she kicked until they ran out of balls, before jogging to retrieve the balls she had used.

“Hey, can I try that again?” she asked when she had returned. Lexa shrugged and nodded, receiving a small smile from the younger girl as she set the ball on the tee once more. As the ball rose and made its way towards the target Octavia smiled and did a little dance before turning to Lexa. “You’re the best for doing this, Lexa.”

The older girl waved her off before sitting on the grass, “It’s all about technique and knowing what works for you; I only helped you figure it out. You’re good and you’re smart, you’d have figured it out.”

Octavia grabbed another ball, “Yeah maybe when it’s too late.” She kicked and winced as the ball barely skimmed the edge of one of the posts. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Lexa picked at the stalks of grass by her cleat, “Uh, yeah?”

Octavia grabbed her water bottle and sat beside her, “Are you mad at Clarke?” Lexa’s brows furrowed. “Even a little bit?”

“Uh, no.” Lexa looked at the other brunette, “Why? Does she think I’m mad at her?”

Octavia shook her head, “No. No. It’s just that after what happened over the weekend…”

Lexa nodded, “You thought I’d be mad at her or something along that line.” Octavia nodded. “I’m not mad at her. We talked about it and although I don’t understand everything that’s happening with her, I get it. I get why she locked herself away, I get why she ran away, and I get why she shouted at me.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be mad about it.”

“I know that but I’m not. She needed it. Yeah, it may have hurt in the moment and for some hours after but it was her way of coping and who am I to be mad about something that helped her without causing her physical harm?”

Octavia nodded and the two sat in a strained silence for a few minutes.

“She wasn’t running away.”

Lexa played with the stalk of grass she held between her fingers, “What?”

“You said she was ran away; she didn’t.” Octavia stretched her legs out and leaned back on her elbows, “Rae and I _think_ she _may_ be depressed.” Octavia refused to look in Lexa’s direction but she did not miss the way the other girl’s head whipped around to look at her. “It’s not uncommon after something like this and according to Rae it wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened.” Lexa averted her gaze and hung her head. “I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to continue thinking that she was running away, like you said she was coping. She wanted to feel and get closer to her father and so she left to go to somewhere that felt connected to him. I don’t know about you but I don’t classify that as ‘running away’.” Octavia sat up and picked up a ball, spinning it around in between both hands, “She really cares about you, you know…she still feels like shit for treating you the way she did.”

Lexa looked over at Octavia and outstretched her hands slightly, “I care about her a lot too.”

Octavia threw the ball at the other girl, “I know.” Octavia watched Lexa smile as she ran a finger over one of the ball’s seams. “Despite how gross you two are when you’re together, I’m glad you have each other.”

Lexa scowled, “Blame Clarke; it’s mostly her.”

“We all know you’re too whipped to do anything about it though, Commander,” the younger girl laughed and Lexa threw the ball at her, hitting her squarely in the stomach. She opened her eyes to see Lexa glaring at her unamusedly.

“Just for that your kicks from the right are gonna be from the twenty-two.”

The smile fell from her face and her shoulders deflated, “Lexa, that’s not fair!”

“Yes it is. What if you guys get a penalty on the twenty-two or closer? With Mt. Weather’s scrum it’d be more useful to attempt a kick so that’s my official reason.”

Octavia rolled her eyes and squirted more water into her open mouth before standing. She grumbled as she grabbed two balls as well as the tee and made her way to the other side of the field. “I don’t know why Clarke likes you.”

Lexa chuckled, “Because I’m a delight; now hurry it up, Blake.”

Over the course of the next thirty minutes Lexa watched as Octavia gradually became better at placing the ball between the posts from the twenty-two yard line. When the younger girl had perfected her kick Lexa gave her a few pointers on taking a proper drop-kick before they left the field.

“Hey, thanks again for all of that,” Octavia said while pulling her backpack back on her shoulder.

“No problem. It was fun and I haven’t kicked after practice in a while so I needed as much as you.”

Octavia smiled widely at her. “I know the team was talking about it but I don’t know if anyone has reached out to you guys but the girls…the team wants us to have a mixer with your team about two weekends from now. We don’t party together often enough even though we’re so close to each other so we figured we’d remedy that.”

The two girls stopped walking as they got to an intersection and found themselves veering in different directions, “That sounds great. I’ll send out a message to the group letting them know.”

Octavia walked over to Lexa and hesitated before wrapping her arms around her, “Thanks, Lexa…for everything.” Octavia pulled away before Lexa was able to get over the shock of being hugged and walked backwards with a smile plastered on her face, “I’ll see you later, Woods.”

Lexa raised her hand and watched as Octavia jogged towards the parking lot. She pulled her phone from the side pocket on her bag and balked when she saw the time.

There was no way she was getting a proper shower before her meeting.

* * *

_February 16, 2017_

Lexa smiled when she turned the corner and saw Clarke sitting at a tabled hunched over what Lexa could only assume was a book, judging by the numerous leaves of paper that the blonde had spread out around her. As she got closer she heard the low strains of music emanating from Clarke’s phone as well as the humming that accompanied the music. Lexa approached her girlfriend silently and placed her hands on her shoulders. She felt Clarke simultaneously jump and stiffen. Clarke flipped her pen, ready to use it as a weapon and looked behind her.

She pushed Lexa away, “You jerk, I almost stabbed you.”

Lexa smiled, “I’m happy to see you too, darling.”

Clarke dropped her pen and her shoulders and pulled Lexa closer to her. “I am happy to see you.” Clarke pulled her into a kiss, one to which she gladly obliged. When the kiss ended Lexa moved to the other side of the table and dropped her backpack on the chair. “How was practice?”

Lexa took off her jacket and draped it over her chair before also taking off her beanie and letting her still damp hair cascade down her shoulders and back. She ran one hand through the curls, “It was good. Today was mostly strength training and Anya and I convinced Indra to let us practice inside so we didn’t have to freeze our asses off.” She moved her backpack and sat down. “How was your lab?”

Clarke groaned, “You remember how I told you that the guy I spilled coffee on looked familiar?” Lexa nodded, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “Turns out he’s in my lab and guess who I got paired with today…or more like tripled with because his lab partner didn’t show up?”

Lexa laughed, “That would make an excellent meet-cute for a movie or for fanfiction. After that you’d realize that you’re in love with him and that the chemistry isn’t confined to the lab and then you’d both run off and get married and have twins – one with your eyes and one with his.”

Clarke’s brows furrowed as Lexa spoke, “Who the hell are you and what happened to my girlfriend?” Lexa simply smiled. “I’m stunned over the admission that you read fanfiction.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Being aware of literary tropes doesn’t mean I read fanfiction, Clarke.” Clarke hummed what was meant to be interpreted as ‘sure’. Lexa sighed, “I had an English class on various types of fanfiction; we talked about works like Paradise Lost which would technically be classified as such as well as what we identify as modern day fanfiction. It was interesting and I had to read some of them to write papers so yes I’ve read fanfiction.” Lexa searched through her backpack and took out her Economics textbook, her notebook, her calculator, and her pens and pencils. When she looked up she found Clarke, with her hand under her chin, smiling at her. “What?”

“You’re cute, you know that?” Clarke said, allowing her smile to grow even wider. Lexa looked at her exasperatedly – they had had this conversation numerous times. Lexa was _not_ cute. “You’re cute. As I was saying, I didn’t need an explanation but the thought of you reading chapters and chapters of fic to write a paper is downright adorable.”

“Clarke,” Lexa whined.

“You’re adorable.” Lexa sighed and accepted her fate. Her cute and adorable fate. “What were we talking about?”

“You and your lab partner,” Lexa supplied, opening her textbook. She flipped through the pages, “Or rather your future husband.”

“Jealous, Lex?” Clarke asked playfully.

Lexa snorted, “Of you? Yes!” Clarke laughed, “Oh what I’d give to be the one married to that sexy man-beast.”

Clarke covered her mouth with both hands but her snickers still escaped; Lexa perused her textbook with a satisfied smile. When she had her laughter under control Clarke said, “I wouldn’t call him sexy or a man-beast but if that’s what you’re into he’s all yours, baby.”

Lexa looked up and her eyes met Clarke’s, “No, thank you. I think I prefer what I already have.”

Clarke smiled smugly, “Good.” She leaned across the table for a kiss but before it could be granted her phone vibrated against the table. Clarke groaned and Lexa backed away but before she could get too far Clarke’s hands grabbed her cheeks and pulled her back in for the kiss. She sat down and checked her phone. “Mom!” She sighed and looked up at Lexa. “My mom wants to know if you want to come over for dinner on Saturday evening…and breakfast on Sunday.” Lexa tilted her head to the right and gave an amused smile, “Shut up.”

Lexa chuckled, “Sorry, darling no can do. Our game this weekend is against Azgeda and so we’re leaving after practice on Friday and won’t be back until Saturday night.”

Clarke’s grip on her phone loosened, “Friday night?!” She pouted, “Lexa!”

Lexa reached across the table and interlaced her fingers with Clarke’s, ““I know. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Clarke’s pout deepened, “I promise I’ll call you when we’re leaving campus, when we get to the hotel, and after the game and I’ll text you in between that.”

She brought Clarke’s hand to her lips as the blonde muttered, “You better.”

Lexa allowed Clarke to respond to her mother’s inquiry before asking, “What are you doing this weekend?”

Clarke stared pointedly at her, “Not hanging out with my girlfriend.” Lexa smiled at her apologetically. “Spending Saturday _and_ Sunday with my mom. She wants me to help with spring cleaning.”

“But it’s still winter.”

Clarke scoffed, “Try telling her that. I think she mainly wants me there so she doesn’t drink herself into a stupor. Apparently, two weeks ago her boss told her she couldn’t work weekends anymore and the first week she didn’t know what to do so she drank from Friday night to Sunday evening. Us being there last weekend stopped her and then this weekend she drank on Saturday until our neighbour’s son came to visit her so as a pre-emptive measure she invited us over this weekend.”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose as Clarke was explaining her mother’s situation, “Wow. Is she okay though?”

The blonde sighed, “Aside from the alcoholism, yeah. It seems like she realizes that it isn’t good and she needs help but she isn’t trying to get professional help. She’s just surrounding herself with people who’ll stop her if she tries and I get that that’s a part of it but there’s so much Kane and I can do.”

Lexa played with Clarke’s fingers, “Are _you_ okay?”

Clarke looked down at their intertwined fingers, “I don’t know. When she’s good then I’m good. It’s like a rollercoaster not knowing what she’ll be like when I talk to her.” Lexa nodded. “I also got mad at myself last night when I realized how terrible it must have been for her during all those weeks I didn’t talk to her and when I didn’t come home on Christmas.” Clarke pulled her hand away and folded her arms across her chest, her shoulders hunched over, “I’m a shit daughter.”

“That’s not true.” Lexa got up and sat beside Clarke, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You were both having a hard time and I don’t think you should feel guilty or beat yourself up about needing time to take care of yourself before taking care of her.”

“But I was so vindictive, Lex. I blamed her. It wasn’t about needing time to take care of myself it was about not talking to her and hurting her because I told myself that it was her fault that my dad died.” She shook her head slowly, “I _am_ a shit daughter.”

Lexa sighed, “That’s still not true, baby. Yes, you were selfish for a little bit but we’re all allowed that once in a while – especially you, Clarke.” The blonde looked up at her and Lexa smiled softly, “You care about everyone around you so deeply; you’re always the first one there whenever anyone needs you even if it inconveniences you. You’re not a shit daughter. You were having a hard time and needed someone and you depended on you. I’m also sure that your mom would agree that you’ve more than made up for anything you think you’ve done wrong.” Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheek, “You’re an amazing daughter, Clarke. You’re an amazing friend. An amazing person and an amazing girlfriend. And I’ll keep telling you that for as long as you need to hear it.” The small smile that Clarke gave her was all she needed as she placed a kiss on the blonde’s forehead then her nose before softly pressing their lips together.

Clarke pulled out of the kiss with a satisfied sigh and placed her arms on Lexa’s shoulders. She leaned her forehead against the brunette’s, “What did I do to deserve you?” Lexa smiled and leaned forward for another kiss. “You’re honestly so amazing, Lex for putting up with all my shit from day one and never complaining.”

Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheek and stroked it gently. _Say it_. Lexa opened her mouth with the three words on her tongue. She looked into the blue eyes that she had undoubtedly fallen in love with and her breath hitched. It would be so easy to say it. They had only been dating for a few weeks and they had made it official only a few days ago but it felt _right_. She was in love with Clarke Griffin. She did not know when it had happened or when she had realized it but it was the truth. She was in love with this wonderfully amazing girl and now was her chance to tell her. “I’ll always be here for you, darling.” _Wuss_. Clarke’s smile was blinding as she pulled Lexa in for a bruising kiss. They reluctantly separated with Lexa insisting that she had to complete her Economics assignment.

“You know, Lex, you aren’t doing much Econ over there,” Clarke said cheekily when she saw Lexa staring at her for the fourth time in less than an hour.

“Forgive me but I’ve found something infinitely more fascinating to focus on.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and tried to hide her smile but she failed at hiding the blush that stained her cheeks. “Do your homework, Lexa.”

Lexa tapped her pen against her book and gave a lazy smirk, “What do I get if I do?”

Clarke dropped her pen and propped her chin on her open palm, “Hmmm.” She smiled and dropped her hand before tilting her head to the side, “If you do your Econ homework now you can do me later.”

The pen fell from Lexa’s fingers and her smirk morphed into an open-mouthed stare, “What?”

Clarke smiled sweetly at her flabbergasted girlfriend, “You heard me, Woods.” She picked up her pen and returned to last week’s lab report. “O and Rae are out late tonight so if you do your assignment we can see what the rest of the evening has in store.”

Lexa closed her mouth and nodded, “Okay.” She smiled, “Okay.” She picked up her pen and stared at her book blankly, “Clarke?” the blonde hummed, “When you say I have to ‘do my assignment’ do you mean that I have to do all of it or does half still count?”

Clarke kept focused on her report, “All of it, Lex and you’re a shitty liar so I’ll know if you haven’t done all of it.”

Lexa groaned and returned what little focus she now had on her Econometrics textbook and the equations therein.

For thirty solid minutes Lexa was engaged in the completion of her assignment and it felt glorious. Her concentration was back and she was firmly in the Economics mind-set.

Until.

“Clarke!” Both girls’ heads snapped up to look towards the boy with a huge smile waving at Clarke from across the room.

Clarke groaned and returned the smile and wave reluctantly. The boy came over and dropped his bag on the ground and himself on the bench beside Clarke. “Hi, Finn.”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose when the boy’s identity was revealed. She had heard a lot about Finn Collins. A lot. It was good to finally have a face to go with the name. She watched as he used his fingers to comb his hair from his face and cringed at the smile he gave Clarke.

Finn leaned forward and placed his hand over Clarke’s, a move which had the blonde recoiling and her girlfriend bristling. He looked slightly dejected but shrugged and placed another smile on his face, “I’ve been texting you but you haven’t gotten back to me.”

“I’ve been busy, Finn.” Clarke’s voice was monotonous; not detached like it had been when she had stormed out on Lexa but still just as terrifying.

“I want to talk to you about something. About us,” Lexa saw Clarke glance at her before turning around and shoving her book into her backpack forcefully. Finn spoke again and Lexa’s eyes returned to him, “I know that what I did was shitty of me but I lo-” _You had best not finish that fucking sentence_.

Clarke held up her hand and silenced him, “I don’t want to hear it. I told you at Bell’s party that I’m done with you and all the bullshit you brought into my life.”

Clarke reached for her papers that were scattered by and under Finn’s arm and he grabbed her wrist, “Clarke….”

“Let go of me, Finn.” Lexa’s hands were in fists and she vaguely registered that the wooden pencil she had been using had snapped. Clarke tired to pull her hand away from the boy, “Let me go!”

Lexa stood up quickly, her movement drawing Finn’s attention and he looked at her for the first time in five minutes. Lexa fixed him with a gaze that she reserved only for the field, “She said let her go.” Finn’s brows furrowed as he released his hold on the blonde. Clarke rubbed at her wrist and gave Lexa an appreciative smile. The brunette moved around the table to stand behind Clarke.

“I just wanted to talk to you, Clarke to let you know that I’m not that guy anymore. I can be someone who you deserve. I promise.”

Clarke turned to look at Lexa, “We’re leaving, Lex.” Lexa nodded and moved to pack her bag and grab her jacket. Clarke faced Finn, “There is nothing on this Earth that you could say to me to make me forgive you or trust you again, Finn. We dated for almost two years and you tried to sleep with my best friend.” Lexa finished packing her bag and re-joined Clarke who was now standing. “You lost any chance of being anyone important in my life when you sent Rae those messages. Stay away from me, Finn."

Clarke grabbed her backpack and turned to walk away but was stopped by hand on her shoulder. “Clarke, just hear me out, please.”

Lexa saw red but before she was able to land a punch on the boy’s jaw Clarke’s hand wrapped around her fist, urging her to calm down. Clarke jerked away from Finn’s hand and used her free hand to cup Lexa’s cheek, bringing the girl’s gaze back to soft blue eyes, “It’s not worth it, babe.” Lexa leaned into Clarke’s palm and nodded.

“Babe?” Finn’s voice sounded from behind Clarke. “Fucking hell. I didn’t think you were serious about that bi thing.”

Clarke closed her eyes and let her hand fall from Lexa’s cheek before turning to face Finn, “Yes, I was serious about ‘that bi thing’, Finn, just like I’m serious about not wanting anything to do with you. You fucked up big time and it’s over now let me be happy and live my life in peace.”

Clarke intertwined her fingers with Lexa’s and turned around. Lexa was relieved that the boy tried to neither stop nor follow them as they left the building. They walked out into the brisk winter evening and Lexa pulled Clarke closer before letting go of her hand and wrapping it around her girlfriend’s shoulders instead. She smiled as she pressed a kiss on top of blonde hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, I'm sorry for the long wait and I know this chapter is fairly short but I'll make it up to you next time. I promise. 
> 
> Feel free to yell at me or ask any questions at lastlogic.tumblr.com. As you may have noticed I skipped over Valentine's Day - it was strange to write and didn't make the final cut but if you do want to read it just let me know.
> 
> Word of advice: Always take care of your health - mental and physical.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in almost four years; I hope you like it so far. This chapter was really short, I have two more chapters written that are dependent on the reviews and comments on this so whether you like this or not leave a comment, please. Kudos are also welcome. 
> 
> You can also hit me up at lastlogic.tumblr.com.


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